Things You Don't Get To Do, But Did Anyway: A List

[MadMike]

Do not have me paged to a certain aisle to assist you, and then vanish before I get there. Bonus points if you track me down later and piss and moan because I didn't wait for you to come back. I have other customers to take care of, and if my manager sees me standing there doing nothing, he's not going to like it.

Yes, this did happen.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Special Sucky Coworkers Edition!

You do not cover up empty spaces on the salesfloor by removing the shelf labels and facing over the hole with another product. Yes, I know we had an unbelievable imbecile for a manager who insisted we do this. He does not work here anymore.

If you need to make a shelf label but cannot obtain a portable printer, you do not write "12-inch black frypan" on a blank label and stick it on the shelf. We only have about a dozen different 12-inch black frypans. The labels generated by the printers have all kinds of information we find useful, such as the price, UPC barcode, and SKU.

You do not push your carts of returns into the backroom and label them as autopulls needing to be filled because you're too damn lazy to put them away. The next person I catch doing this will get their head pounded so far into their torso, they'll have to drop their pants to say hello.

[ToasterQueen]

The next person I catch doing this will get their head pounded so far into their torso, they'll have to drop their pants to say hello.

Ah, a fine use of one of my personal favorite Dilbert-isms. Good show.

Things you Don't Get To Do But Did Anyway: Co-Worker Edition, Continued -

- You do NOT get to, when you make a mistake on your order, stand in the middle of the cubicle and whine that "Someone didn't check this order properly!!" We do have a doublecheck system, yes, but if you didn't catch the mistake can you really blame the checker for missing it too?

- You do NOT get to leave on a business trip and pile -your- credit applications, RMAs, and overdue purchase orders on my desk to deal with accompanied by a post-it note that says "please do".

- You do NOT get to forward calls to me just because you don't want to deal with someone. I am already dealing with another boneheaded rep's overdue orders, credit applications, and RMAs and I don't need your customer screaming at me over problems I can do nothing about.

- You do NOT get to buckle and succumb to the customer when I have already asserted that he will NOT get a shipment today, as we do not offer same-day shipping, and they have a 42 day past due invoice. Doing so is tantamount to calling me a liar.

- You do NOT get to shmooze up to the boss so much that I can look in your mouth and see what he had for breakfast, and have me NOT have an overwhelming disgust for you.

- You do NOT get to snatch things from me, grumbling about how you'll do it yourself after I told you I do things on a FIFO basis (I assist seven sales reps), and then come crying back to me after -you- screwed it up. Sorry buckylou, this is -your- dishwashing liquid, -you- soak in it.

Mmmmm, therapeutic.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Well, if we're doing the employee edition...

You do not get to speak to me like I am a child. "You're not allowed to do that!" (after I've just done it and it is not undoable) is not the proper way to inform me of a new rule they just made yesterday, when I was not working.

You do not get to transfer the phone call to me when I'm busy at the cashwrap because the customer wants to know if their book is still on hold. Either buzz my phone and tell me what the question is, and give me a second to look, or walk your behind up here and look yourself.

Page me by name or call my phone. "Supervisor to wherever-you-are" will get you no one or 3 people who have all interrupted what they were doing and showed up at the same time.

If you need change, call my phone and tell me what you need. If I walk all the way from the office to the music department, just to have to walk back to the office and back to music to bring you change, while I appreciate the workout, will seriously annoy me.

You don't get to stand around talking to your friends while I'm trying to help 3 people at info and answer the phone.

You don't get to leave your unlabeled cart of books in receiving for me to take care of. Are they returns? Sort them yourself. Shelving? Shelve them or put them back on the library cart. We only have so many v-carts. A special project for tomorrow morning? Put a note on it. That's what those sticky little yellow paper squares are for.

[NightAngel]

1. Claim that you didn't know how to find the page of instructions I helped you navigate to today, then claim you followed them to the letter yesterday.

Now, in defense of some people- myself mostly- I've done that a few times recently on the 'puters at work.

Someone will ask me if I know how to get to X Menu or X Form and I'll say no. But then once they start going there I realize I DID know- I just didn't know that it was called that specifically.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

You do not get to seek our input on a decision when you have already made your decision.

Case in point: One of our managers asked us if we'd like to start our shifts at 4 or 5 in the morning, because we are doing away with third shift stocking and moving to early mornings instead.

We all voted to begin at 5.

The manager's response? "Okay, 4'o clock it is! Sorry, but we really need to try and have everything stocked by 8. If you can get the trucks stocked by 8, then you can start coming in at 5."

Well geez, if you had your mind made up already, then why the hell did you bother asking us?

[ArenaBoy]

Coworker/manager edition continued:

When we are shorthanded, the best person to not call is the person who called in sick. (Actually happened tonight)

Do not get angry at me when I am telling you how to do this. I've been at Whiskeyclone for 2 years, you've been here for 2 months.


Customer edition redux:

Once again: BOX OFFICE DOES NOT JURISDICT US!!!!

Do not move the cones, and then get pissed at me when I tell you to put them back.

[Jester]

You do not get a new phone for free because it was lost/stolen and you did not pony up $4.99 a month for insurance.

First thing I did when I got my new phone almost two months ago? Sign up for insurance. I did this before I got any accessories, before I added on any features to the account, before I did anything else, I was asking about insurance. And yet, I have only needed it once....but was glad I had it when I needed it!


Back to what You Can't Do Even Though You Just Did It, Customer ed.:

You can't convince me to serve you an alcoholic drink if you don't have ID simply by rattling your birthdate off to me, or by telling me you work in the industry (and therefore should know better, nimrod), or by having your parents vouch for you, or by whining, pleading, cajoling, complaining, bitching, moaning, yelling, screaming, or pouting. No ID? No booze. Get over it. You know what I do when I forget my ID at home and they card me when I order a drink? I order a Sprite. With a lime, so I can at least pretend I am enjoying a cocktail.

You also don't get to tell me that my establishment has done this for you before, when you and I know they haven't. You definitely don't get to tell me that they've always done it for you, and you've been coming here 30 years...when my establishment has only been open 19.

You don't get to get discounted drinks just because you suggest it. The management can offer you discounted drinks if they have a reason to do so. I can decide I want to give you discounted drinks. YOU don't have such decision-making authority when it comes to the price of your drinks.

You don't get to try to engage me in light conversation when you can see I have a full section of several tables, all as equally thirsty and hungry as you, just because now you have your drinks and food and no longer see why I can't stop what I am doing and chat with you about why today's weather sucks.

You don't get to act all innocent about the weather sucking. It's the tropics. The weather is highly unpredictable, and we DO GET RAIN. Also, you don't get to blame me for the weather, or ask me what tomorrow's weather will be like when I am running around at work. I am many things: a waiter, a bartender, a magician, a writer, a DJ, and a comedian. I am not, however, a fucking weatherman. You want the weather? Turn on the damn Weather Channel and let me do my job!

[Dips]

You don't get to screw up the perfectly simple process twenty ways from Sunday, complain how "difficult" and "time-consuming" the process is, then suggest we do something to "fix" it.

Co-worker edition:

You don't get to complain about the backlog of work which built up while you were on vacation, especially not to the person who also has her own backlog which piled up because we were shorthanded. While I certainly don't begrudge you the vacation, I do begrudge you the martyr complex you're trying to put on. Welcome back and shut up.

[Dips]

Now, in defense of some people- myself mostly- I've done that a few times recently on the 'puters at work.

Someone will ask me if I know how to get to X Menu or X Form and I'll say no. But then once they start going there I realize I DID know- I just didn't know that it was called that specifically.

No worries. I wasn't talking about somebody who had seen and followed the instructions, then forgot how to get to them.

I was talking about somebody, who was so intent on avoiding the work it would take to fix his own mess, that he told a lie that could only be believed if I forgot what he said five minutes ago.

[roadside]

You will not let your unlicensed boyfriend/girlfriend/seeing eye monkey/etc drive one of our rental cars, and then be upset when your are charged for the impound fee when they get pulled over/wreck/arrested/rob bank/etc.

If you return a car late you WILL be charged a, guess what, late fee. We will give exception to natural disaster, multiple car pile-up causing everyone to return late (maybe), nuclear war, etc...NOT because you slept inn, got lost, still in jail for robbing above bank, etc.

You will not receive a replacement luxury car after you have wrecked the vehicle, your were cited and at fault, and don't have our or your own insurance.

We don't have humvee's, escalades, lambourghinis, lotus, space shuttle, or john deere tractor.

You will not tell me you never signed a contract. You have a $35,000 vehicle. Pretty sure someone made you sign something.

You are renting a car. That means you eventually have to bring it back. Don't be shocked if you've had it for 28 days, but signed for 3, never call, and we report it stolen.
------that's all for now----guess i better get back to work.

[DarthRetard]

Customer Ed:

1. You do not get help from me opening the door. If you don't have the cognitive skills necessary to comprehend and then act on the word "Pull", you have no business in my store.

2. You do not get to bang on the door when we're closed for ten minutes.

3. You do NOT, UNDER ANY circumstances, EVER, even if Richard Simmons becomes a heterosexual porn star and Lindsay Lohan gains weight and there's peace in the effing middle east, ask me to package our display model of the 10 speaker stereo system, wheel it out the door, and then change your mind, because you thought the price was different. EVER. I'll kill you. I'm slightly kidding.