Ma name ish ZEKE!!!

[Cloudy Sky]

GK's post reminded me of a call I took one late night at our call center.

Scene: Five minutes before our center closed for the night, and I could enjoy sweet, sweet freedom.

Me: *opening spiel* ... you've reached Cloudy Sk....
SC: WHY DID YOU CALL ME???!!! (yes, shouted - in a very drunken slur)
Me: Um, you called us, sir. May I have your name please?
SC: MA NAME ISH ZEKE, AN' I WANNA KNOW WHY YOU CALLED ME!!
Me: Well, sir, I can check if we called you, but first I need to open your account. May I have your last name?
SC: MA NAME ISH ZEKE!!
Me: Yessir, I've got that - your last name please?
SC: ZEKE!!!!!!!
Me: *as I watch that magical end-of-shift pass by* Got that, Zeke. But I need your last name too.
SC: MA NAME ISH ZEKE, AND WHY YOU CALLING ME???!!!

Do we see a pattern here? Yeah, and it continued - 20 more minutes later, and I finally get the last name and the ONE security question so I can access the account. Please note - we are not allowed to hang-up on a customer!

Me: I do see that you are a bit behind on your payments - perhaps our collection department was trying to reach you?
SC: THISH ISH ZEKE, AND YOU CALLED ME!! WHY YOU CALLING ME?
Me: As I said, Zeke, perhaps our collection department was trying....
SC: WHY DID YOU CALL ME??
Me: As I said, sir...
SC: MA NAME IS ZEKE!!!
Me: *wearily now* Yes, I know that. What can I help you with, Zeke?
SC: YOU CALLED ME!! ME - ZEKE!! WHATCHOU WANT?

Another 20 minutes of this, until I was ready to pull out my hair, and my supervisor is sitting next to me, laughing himself silly (he could hear every word Zeke uttered, even with my headset on).

Finally, the sweetest words I ever heard before (or since) in that job:

SC: I GOTTA TAKE A PISS!! CAN I CALL YOU BACK IN A FEW MINUTES?
Me: Absolutely, Zeke! I'll be waiting for your call!
*click*

[Kristev]

What was that? A drunken parrot?

[ZedOmega]

Man. I'd have been totally tempted to call him 'Stu' after the third time he said 'MAH NAME ISH ZEKE!!!'. That's just me, though.

[Sheldonrs]

When Zeke has to piss, urine trouble. :-)

[Gravekeeper]

Ugh, we get that occasionally. People caller ID us rather than actually calling back on the number we provide when we leave a message. But all our dial outs of course come from the same number because all our clients are redirecting calls to us, we don't actually own their phone numbers. So people caller ID us and call back the number displayed, which just brings them into our main switchboard. Which results in horrific confusion all around.

Even if we can figure out who they're calling for, we can't do anything about it since A) We can't set the precedent that they can call our main lines to deal with a client and B) If a call doesn't come in via a clients number, they don't get billed for it. So we have to feign stupidity. -.-

[Shalom]

So people caller ID us and call back the number displayed, which just brings them into our main switchboard. (snip) If a call doesn't come in via a clients number, they don't get billed for it. So we have to feign stupidity. -.-

Caller ID can be spoofed. I know this damn well, because I often get telemarketing calls (despite being on the national DNC list since it started) with Caller ID pointing back to non-existent numbers. (Hint: There is no telephone number anywhere in Verizonland which begins with 958.)

So what you gotta do is, have your PBX set up to spoof the Caller ID for whichever client you're calling on behalf of. Simple.

(Disclaimer: I dunno if this is legal in Canada. Consult lawyers before implementing.)

[MoonCat]

Caller ID can be flat out wrong, too. Some of our customers who have caller ID have told us that our number comes up listed to Merrill Lynch. We are not now, nor have we ever been, related in any way to that company, nor, to my knowledge, have any of our phone extensions ever been used by them. Somebody somewhere goofed.

Apparently the 800 # is listed wrong somewhere, too. We used to get a lot of calls asking if we were the Grateful Dead hotline! Seriously. We could've had some fun with that one if we'd been so inclined.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

And now the $64,000 question...did Zeke call back?

[laborcat]

And now the $64,000 question...did Zeke call back?

LOL I don't think anyone stuck around to find out...

[chainedbarista]

did zeke have a nunavut prefix?

[MadMike]

Caller ID can be spoofed. I know this damn well, because I often get telemarketing calls (despite being on the national DNC list since it started) with Caller ID pointing back to non-existent numbers.

Worse yet, I've recently received a few calls that showed existing numbers that belong to residences. Assuming these aren't telemarketers working from home, I feel really bad for the people who's numbers they're using.

[C. Cecil Ivanish]

Finally, the sweetest words I ever heard before (or since) in that job:
SC: I GOTTA TAKE A PISS!! CAN I CALL YOU BACK IN A FEW MINUTES?

This, just THIS, made me literally laugh out loud. In the ofrifice. People are staring at me.
They know about CS though, so they'll guess.

When Zeke has to piss, urine trouble.

Chapeau to this one.

And now the $64,000 question...did Zeke call back?

Zeke? Who is Zeke?

[laborcat]

Worse yet, I've recently received a few calls that showed existing numbers that belong to residences. Assuming these aren't telemarketers working from home, I feel really bad for the people who's numbers they're using.

This happened to me one time when I had a certain cell provider. The people with the phone number being used, had to have it disconnected because of the hate calls they received. I know this because the number was from an area I was familiar with and knew people from there.

[Cansupes]

Oh lord, I get calls like this all the time. Except I don't really have any way of determining why the original call was made. So it goes like this. Every day. Every time. Without fail. No exceptions.

Caller: "I got a call from this number!"
Me: "Okay, this is a resort. Any outgoing call from the property, either from the office or a guest unit, will show our main number. If they didn't leave a message then I don't know who called you."
Caller: "Huh?"
Me: <repeat>
Caller: "I didn't check my message."
Me: "Then I don't know who called you."
Caller: "But I got a call from this number!"
Me: "Yes, <repeat explanation>."
Caller: "Oh. So should I check my message?"
Me: "I would suggest that, yes."

I would at least be entertained by Zeke. At least, as long as he wasn't holding up my break or departure, as he did for you.

[Captain Trips]

Apparently the 800 # is listed wrong somewhere, too. We used to get a lot of calls asking if we were the Grateful Dead hotline! Seriously. We could've had some fun with that one if we'd been so inclined.

Which is interesting, as the hotline (when it was still around) was not an 800 number! 1-415-457-6388. (Merchandising was 1-800-225-3323, that's 1-800-CAL-DEAD.) These numbers are now obsolete, thanks to http://dead.net being a more full source of Dead info.

(How do I know? Look at my avatar!)