Oh how I wish I was good at comebacks

[FrancisWyvern]

Don't get many SCs in my store. So my posts are few and far between. Though I do have a nice list of holiday events I'm gonna write up at some point. Before that though have a quickie I had a couple days ago.

I work in fragrances in a department store. So as many may know we get gifts in that vendors want us to give out with products during sales. Since our area never does discounts so these gifts or gift sets are equal to sales.

Now I got a woman and her boyfriend in, they get a gift set for Armani and I ring them up.
BG: "Does that come with a bag?"
ME:"Nope, it's not one of the vendors that is doing a gift right now, maybe later on but armani doesn't do bags that often."

BG: "Can I get this one?" (D&G gift right next to the checkout)

ME:"That one is another vendor so I can't" (if same vendor we can make exceptions but this type of action is annoying so we tend to omit that part when dealing with beggers)
currently I am bagging up her item she was paying the whole time for this while asking for some free gift. As I am putting tissues in the shopping bag so she can give this as a gift to her friend. She brings up a few more annoyances

BG: the women here always give me free things, lots of them (I hardly believe that, co-workers have been here for a long time, I've learned well from them)

BG: I'm an employee so you should give me better treatment

BF(her boyfriend): No No she doesn't work at all here, she's just saying things.

ME: Well still there are no gifts I can give, I can check but no guarantee (just wanting to quiet her, knew there was some forgotten freebie body washes for a discontinued brand somewhere)

BG: This is really bad customer service, if you want to have me come back you need to make me happy (oooh gods annoying..but I am not good at comebacks so I just keep quiet and finish bagging, then go around the bay looking like I'm looking for something then pick up the bodywash and hand it to her. The whole time I keep my smile and am calm, one thing I am good at is keeping in frustration and not externalizing it. )

ME: Here we go, this is another brand that is rather nice, he can give this one a try and see how he likes it.
(finally she leaves and I can relax, doesn't matter to me if she doesn't come back, just wish I had the quick reactions some do on this board, so many opportunities lost )

[chainedbarista]

ergh, freebie whores, how i hate them.

jester, rk, gk and lupo are well versed in the art of snappy comebacks; ipf also has mad skillz in that dept. might want to review some of their posts for ideas on how to handle certain types of pitas.

[EvilEmpryss]

BG: This is really bad customer service, if you want to have me come back you need to make me happy

See, they just can't fathom that you *wouldn't* want to see their cranky catbutt faces again.

If only sending them away unhappy would guarantee that they won't come back. CSs lie!

[ArcticChicken]

I'm told there is a French word, I can't remember what, that basically translates to 'coming up with a good comeback after it's too late.'

[KiaKat]

While a good comeback is fun to witness, it can often get you in trouble if you're not already pretty high on the totem pole.

Lupo uses comebacks in Sightings. In her own job, she's extremely professional, unless someone (like a truck driver) is really pushing past the line of decency. She's also unfailingly polite, even when she's telling someone off. Jester is a bartender, and can therefore get away with a lot more than someone in retail. GK tends to save most of his comebacks for his writeups, and RK is well-versed in the art of polite snarkery.

A lot of the time, if I'm using a comeback, it's because it's necessary for the mood of the store, or to get the offender out ASAP. I almost never use it on the average annoying customer, mostly because while they may be annoying, they're usually spending a fair bit of money. And often I find that a pointed look and raised eyebrow can get me further than a verbal lashing. Perfect the art of deliberate silence and directing gimmepigs to managers. "I'm sorry, ma'am. I'm not authorized to do that. Please see (such-and-such manager) over in Customer Service."

[FrancisWyvern]

Yeah very true, I have always been polite to everyone even when they are staggeringly annoying and have made angry people settle down and listen many times, so at least I have those abilities under my belt (only been working for 3 years, 1 in my main department) so still learning. Good I have the two women who have been here for at least 2 store name changes to teach me the art .

[EvilEmpryss]

Good I have the two women who have been here for at least 2 store name changes to teach me the art .

Oooo! The Unified Front of Indifference. You're lucky you have coworkers like that. If the SCs thought there was a weak link amongst you they'd go after her like lions on a wounded gazelle.

[Festival_Worker]

I'm told there is a French word, I can't remember what, that basically translates to 'coming up with a good comeback after it's too late.'

Is it "eprit d’escalier", the literal translation would be "wit of the staircase".

[Marmalady]

That's the one - the comeback you think of ten minutes later when you're halfway down the stairs.

[FrancisWyvern]

Gotta remember that "wit of the staircase" , definately sums up what I do get.

Yeah, you can tell when one thinks I am new. They instantly start off asking about where the "older lady" is. From there starts the begging and lying. No way they catch me off guard, but I am polite to the end without giving in..energy drinks help.

now I'm off to another day at work, will post my holiday week soon.

[bainsidhe]

You were selling Armani brand. Just shows that big spenders/high-rollers are just as cheap as the rest of us discount store folk.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

You were selling Armani brand. Just shows that big spenders/high-rollers are just as cheap as the rest of us discount store folk.

Not really. Armani fragrances are available everywhere. My college life practically reeks of Acqua Di Gio.

The swamp carries their fragrances. When the swamp adds something to its product assortment, it ceases to be that high-roller-ish. But to get the gift sets or the free gifts, you have to go to a department store fragrance counter such as the OP's.

[MoonCat]

I really hate the way people equate "good customer service" with tons of free stuff. I like getting freebies as much as anyone, but I don't think I'm ENTITLED to one for every item I buy!

[FrancisWyvern]

Ahh back from work so can post last time before making a new one for holiday fun.

quoth bainsidhe
You were selling Armani brand. Just shows that big spenders/high-rollers are just as cheap as the rest of us discount store folk.

(hope I did that quote right)

Oh yes cheap definatly. Either the discount store peeps come in here to buy certain items or I have a nice class of people here. Those who have the means to purchase, but are both cheap AND entitled. Then being a commision part of the store I get people thinking that I am ravenous for a sale so will try to make outlandish demands thinking we'll go for it cause we get that extra cash if we sell to them. (other employees get this a lot, I have dodged a few bullets on this one but only a matter of time)
Ok rant over

[Kereminde]

I could get away with a few comebacks as a waiter, if they were witty enough and not particularly offensive . . . I often did joke with my tables, and found that really did affect my tips in a positive manner.

(Typical one: "Please do not touch the small plate, it is hot. It came right out of the oven and to your table. I really, really want to remind you it is hot, and don't need to check it with your fingertip.")

As a substitute teacher, if a student was getting out of line and obnoxious, I was almost completely allowed to verbally slap them around with a thesaurus. I say almost, because they would not tolerate vulgar language or racial slurs. Everything else, including insulting their intelligence, was fair game.

It was almost the most entertaining thing about the job, aside from the excuses why the assigned work didn't need to be done. (Rebuttal: "Well I guess it will be an easy assignment.")

As any kind of retail counter jockey? HAHAHA . . . no. Do not open your mouth, do not make eye contact, do not DARE make the customer feel like you are challenging them. Of course that copy of "Be Cool" was not stolen, even though you've brought in 6 in the last two weeks, and insist every time it was a gift from "a buddy" and you didn't want it. There is no way that walking in with a Wal-Mart shirt with an unopened 360 is suspicious . . . et cetera ad nauseum.