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Ok, so I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted SC stories, and no, they have not gone nonexistent. I’ve just been lazy and tired and uninspired. Today, however, today was beautiful. Today, I worked with my Store manager and Assistant manager and we dropped the banhammer on a guy. It was fantabulous.
Bit of background. At Textbook Hell we only give a week after classes start to return books for a full refund. We give some wiggle room, but the premise is by then you know what books you need. We have a fairly short turnaround time to return unused books to vendors, so we can prep for the following semesters, so we have to give a short refund period. The books are specialized titles, university textbooks. Law school books especially as they change pretty much EVERY year, they have to be returned quickly, or we’re out money on books that can never be used again. It’s how it has to be. Unfortunately, there are a lot of scammers, thieves, and whatnot who will abuse the system, and this is a story of one such guy.
This guy, let’s call him…Scrappy. Just for fun. Scrappy is a serial returner. He buys lots of law books EVERY semester, spring, fall, the various summer terms, you name it, he’ll buy law books. He’ll keep said law books, then bring them back either just on, or just after the last day for refunds has passed. Since we try to grant some wiggle room, he’s always gotten refunds. AM noticed Scrappy’s pattern sometime last year, but we couldn’t really prove it. Until we realized Scrappy is also an idiot. He signed up for our company membership card, which exists to track spending habits of customers. When customers hit certain target amounts of money spent, we send them ‘lil bonuses. Doesn’t fully ease the pain of textbook prices but we sure do try.
So AM pulled up Scrappy’s card, and goes through his history.
Holy flying shitmonkey’s, y’all, Scrappy has returned every single book he’s ever purchased!! EVERY. BOOK. And we only went back two years (might’ve been 3 or more, can’t remember)!! That’s literally THOUSANDS of dollars worth of books!!
AM took down his details, and management (and me) were all warned. He slipped in sometime the week before last when traffic was really starting to pickup in the pre-semester rush. He again bought several hundreds of dollars worth of books, but we didn’t see him until after he had left. Damn. So, meetings were had. Plans of action were decided for possible scenarios, and we waited.
Yesterday was the last day for returns on textbooks. So, naturally, guess who showed up today. In walked Scrappy!
Now, SM, AM and I were all at the registers, trying to fix #3 which had borked itself somehow. Faaantastic. We hear the door beep, look up and see our wonderful friend. SM calls him over, asks how we can help him. And so it begins.
SM: Hi, sir, how can we help you today?
Scrappy: I’m here to return textbooks.
AM: Unfortunately, sir, the last day for returns was yesterday.
Scrappy: I WAS TOLD I COULD RETURN MY BOOKS. YOUR CASHIERS ARE LIARS AND SAID I COULD RETURN THEM TODAY
(have I mentioned Scrappy also likes to scream and throw fits and be a general nuisance? No. Ooops. Sorry…)
SM: all right, all right, I can do the return. May I have your name?
Scrappy: <Gives us his name, just confirming that he is who he is>
SM: All right, sir, before I return these books, we need to have a little chat. I’m going to allow this return, but this is a one time exception, only. We will never do this for you again.
Scrappy happily gets his refund and trundles off to the law book section while SM is still trying to talk to him. Act II. AM and I follow him.
AM: Excuse me, sir, can I help you find anything??
Scrappy: I’m just here for books!
AM: Ah, yes. Sir, we need to finish our conversation. You say you’re here to purchase law books? May I see a syllabus or course schedule, please.
Scrappy: Why?
AM: Because, sir, due to the overwhelming evidence, if you’re ever going to purchase anything here, whether it’s a law textbook, supplement book, study aid or even a scantron YOU are required to show us a syllabus that shows that item is, in fact, REQUIRED for that course, or you will not be able to purchase it.
Scrappy: <splutters> YOU CAN’T DO THAT!!
AM: <Continues> Further, if you want to get a refund of any kind, you will have to provide proof you’ve dropped the course, and no longer need said book.
Scrappy: This is discrimination!!!
AM: No, sir, this isn’t.
Scrappy: YES IT IS!!! You can’t do this to only ME!!
AM: Sir, we have evidence showing that you have returned every single item you’ve purchased over a period of YEARS
At this point, SM and AM let me off the proverbial leash. You see, I’ve been a cranky cranky Lupo ALL day today, and this was my reward for behaving myself.
Me: <Sweetly> Actually, sir, since you’re in law school, could you explain to me how you’re LEGALLY a customer when you’ve never kept a single thing you’ve purchased for longer than a few weeks?
Scrappy: You still can’t treat me this way, if you do this to ME, you have to do it for EVERYONE!!
Me: Well actually, sir, from your history, you've purchased AND returned 2 consumer law books several times. I'm sure you can appreciate the concept that terms and conditions are subject to change at our discretion. As such, it is at our discretion you provide what we ask for before purchasing or returning anything. We are not your library, we are a bookstore
My, Scrappy turned an interesting color. Which was actually pretty impressive, he’s got a fairly dark skin tone.
He starts blustering some more, and SM steps in again. She wandered over and added a couple other things.
SM: And by the way, sir, should you try to get around this condition and go to a new cashier, which we also know you do, from our records, be assured the books are yours to KEEP. A manager’s approval is required for all returns now.
Scrappy: Y-you can’t do that! I…I’ll never shop here again. EVER!! I’ll never come back!!
Oh, thank you, Scrappy, thank you!! BAM GOES THE BANHAMMER!!!!!
SM: Oh, are you sure? Well, sir, that seems to be a solution that suits all involved parties. Thank you, and have a nice day.
Me:
THE END!!!!!
Bit of background. At Textbook Hell we only give a week after classes start to return books for a full refund. We give some wiggle room, but the premise is by then you know what books you need. We have a fairly short turnaround time to return unused books to vendors, so we can prep for the following semesters, so we have to give a short refund period. The books are specialized titles, university textbooks. Law school books especially as they change pretty much EVERY year, they have to be returned quickly, or we’re out money on books that can never be used again. It’s how it has to be. Unfortunately, there are a lot of scammers, thieves, and whatnot who will abuse the system, and this is a story of one such guy.
This guy, let’s call him…Scrappy. Just for fun. Scrappy is a serial returner. He buys lots of law books EVERY semester, spring, fall, the various summer terms, you name it, he’ll buy law books. He’ll keep said law books, then bring them back either just on, or just after the last day for refunds has passed. Since we try to grant some wiggle room, he’s always gotten refunds. AM noticed Scrappy’s pattern sometime last year, but we couldn’t really prove it. Until we realized Scrappy is also an idiot. He signed up for our company membership card, which exists to track spending habits of customers. When customers hit certain target amounts of money spent, we send them ‘lil bonuses. Doesn’t fully ease the pain of textbook prices but we sure do try.
So AM pulled up Scrappy’s card, and goes through his history.
Holy flying shitmonkey’s, y’all, Scrappy has returned every single book he’s ever purchased!! EVERY. BOOK. And we only went back two years (might’ve been 3 or more, can’t remember)!! That’s literally THOUSANDS of dollars worth of books!!
AM took down his details, and management (and me) were all warned. He slipped in sometime the week before last when traffic was really starting to pickup in the pre-semester rush. He again bought several hundreds of dollars worth of books, but we didn’t see him until after he had left. Damn. So, meetings were had. Plans of action were decided for possible scenarios, and we waited.
Yesterday was the last day for returns on textbooks. So, naturally, guess who showed up today. In walked Scrappy!
Now, SM, AM and I were all at the registers, trying to fix #3 which had borked itself somehow. Faaantastic. We hear the door beep, look up and see our wonderful friend. SM calls him over, asks how we can help him. And so it begins.
SM: Hi, sir, how can we help you today?
Scrappy: I’m here to return textbooks.
AM: Unfortunately, sir, the last day for returns was yesterday.
Scrappy: I WAS TOLD I COULD RETURN MY BOOKS. YOUR CASHIERS ARE LIARS AND SAID I COULD RETURN THEM TODAY
(have I mentioned Scrappy also likes to scream and throw fits and be a general nuisance? No. Ooops. Sorry…)
SM: all right, all right, I can do the return. May I have your name?
Scrappy: <Gives us his name, just confirming that he is who he is>
SM: All right, sir, before I return these books, we need to have a little chat. I’m going to allow this return, but this is a one time exception, only. We will never do this for you again.
Scrappy happily gets his refund and trundles off to the law book section while SM is still trying to talk to him. Act II. AM and I follow him.
AM: Excuse me, sir, can I help you find anything??
Scrappy: I’m just here for books!
AM: Ah, yes. Sir, we need to finish our conversation. You say you’re here to purchase law books? May I see a syllabus or course schedule, please.
Scrappy: Why?
AM: Because, sir, due to the overwhelming evidence, if you’re ever going to purchase anything here, whether it’s a law textbook, supplement book, study aid or even a scantron YOU are required to show us a syllabus that shows that item is, in fact, REQUIRED for that course, or you will not be able to purchase it.
Scrappy: <splutters> YOU CAN’T DO THAT!!
AM: <Continues> Further, if you want to get a refund of any kind, you will have to provide proof you’ve dropped the course, and no longer need said book.
Scrappy: This is discrimination!!!
AM: No, sir, this isn’t.
Scrappy: YES IT IS!!! You can’t do this to only ME!!
AM: Sir, we have evidence showing that you have returned every single item you’ve purchased over a period of YEARS
At this point, SM and AM let me off the proverbial leash. You see, I’ve been a cranky cranky Lupo ALL day today, and this was my reward for behaving myself.
Me: <Sweetly> Actually, sir, since you’re in law school, could you explain to me how you’re LEGALLY a customer when you’ve never kept a single thing you’ve purchased for longer than a few weeks?
Scrappy: You still can’t treat me this way, if you do this to ME, you have to do it for EVERYONE!!
Me: Well actually, sir, from your history, you've purchased AND returned 2 consumer law books several times. I'm sure you can appreciate the concept that terms and conditions are subject to change at our discretion. As such, it is at our discretion you provide what we ask for before purchasing or returning anything. We are not your library, we are a bookstore
My, Scrappy turned an interesting color. Which was actually pretty impressive, he’s got a fairly dark skin tone.
He starts blustering some more, and SM steps in again. She wandered over and added a couple other things.
SM: And by the way, sir, should you try to get around this condition and go to a new cashier, which we also know you do, from our records, be assured the books are yours to KEEP. A manager’s approval is required for all returns now.
Scrappy: Y-you can’t do that! I…I’ll never shop here again. EVER!! I’ll never come back!!
Oh, thank you, Scrappy, thank you!! BAM GOES THE BANHAMMER!!!!!
SM: Oh, are you sure? Well, sir, that seems to be a solution that suits all involved parties. Thank you, and have a nice day.
Me:
THE END!!!!!
He is my Black Dragon (and yes, a good one) strong, protective, the guardian. I am his Silver Dragon, always by his side, shining for him, cherishing him.
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