Sexism?

[noone]

This is actually about my boyfriend, who works as a cashier, but seeing as he doesn't have an account, I figured I could share this story.

Boyfriend: How are you today ma'am?
Customer: ... That is sexist. How dare you call me "Ma'am"?!



So, after he finished ringing her up, she REPORTED him for it, and company policy states no matter what the circumstances, anyone labeled 'sexist' has to go through a anti-sexism course.

I was stunned when he told me about this. I want to know what he should have called her, instead of "Ma'am", or my suggestion "B"

[Cookie]

Ugh. I hate that. I've gotten to the point where I just drop off any kind of gender specific anything. "How are you today?" No ma'am, sir, or anything, even though I was raised that way.

I'm sorry your boyfriend had to deal with that idiot and that he has to go through a course for just being polite.

[MoonCat]

Oh for gods' sake! She was NUTS. There's nothing sexist about "ma'am". Too bad the store didn't just make a few sympathetic noises at her and forget about it. I have to wonder what she really told them. I bet she embellished quite a bit to make it sound horrible.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I want to know what he should have called her, instead of "Ma'am", or my suggestion "B"

Oh, I have a number of suggestions, but I doubt she'd like any of those, either.

[houdini]

I work for the military, and calling everyone ma'am or sir is completely standard - it keeps the problems down and means you don't have to worry about the wrong rank. And really, you can call someone something perfectly polite, but say it in the wrong tone of voice and it's very clear that you really mean something else...like one of those alternatives everyone is suggesting.

[dalesys]

I work for the military...

But... My dad told me sir was spelled C-U-R!

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I was stunned when he told me about this. I want to know what he should have called her, instead of "Ma'am", or my suggestion "B"

You took the words right out of my mouth.

Also, your boyfriend's employer is too spineless to deserve to exist.

[gremcint]

The response to this is simple:

call her sir.

[Rena_Muffin]

I want to know what he should have called her, instead of "Ma'am", or my suggestion "B"

I whole heartedly agree with this because she appears to be acting like her namesake.

[LillFilly]

Sooo...she was upset that he (I'm assuming correctly) identified her as a woman???

I've never heard of such a stupid complaint. I'm sure if he'd neglected a title she would have complained "you know it would have been polite to address me as MA'AM!"

Unless she felt ma'am was an insult because it's a term for 'old ladies' and she wanted 'miss.'

[Daemonmonkey]

He should have called the MOD through the PA system saying "[BF] needs help at [exit]; Woman saying I'm sexist for calling her Ma'am. Need advice how to handle situation"

Methinks making this public is a way of insulting without insulting...

[Jester]

I generally call people "dude" or "darlin'" at my bar, and frankly, "darlin'" is probably a lot more "sexist" than "ma'am" is.

But I get all kinds of "don't call me that" comments, and I always have answers for them.

JESTER: "What would you like to drink, sir?"
CUSTOMER: "Don't call me sir."
JESTER: "Okay...what would you like to drink, asshole?"

JESTER: "What can I get for you, ma'am?"
CUSTOMER: "Don't call me ma'am."
JESTER: "Okay...what can I get for you...babe."

JESTER: "Have you decided on anything, sir?"
CUSTOMER: "Don't call me sir."
JESTER: "Okay...have you decide on anything, ma'am."

Etc., etc. You get the idea. Keep in mind, the more insulting ones (asshole, jackass, douchebag) I only use when it's clear the customer has a sense of humor. If they are really uptight and not the type to be easily amused, I'm not this much of a smartass...but then again, luckily for me, we don't get too many uptight underamused fuckers in my bar on this island.

And this has been turned around on me. Many times when someone calls me sir, I'll say "don't call me names," or "What, is my father here?" You get the idea. Every now and then, someone counters with, "okay, ma'am" or "okay, jackass."

Unless she felt ma'am was an insult because it's a term for 'old ladies' and she wanted 'miss.'

Ah, but that would be ageist, not sexist. Or perhaps generically insulting for some reason, but still not sexist. Not that this woman would be bright enough to differentiate among these things, of course....just saying.

[Merriweather]

So, after he finished ringing her up, she REPORTED him for it, and company policy states no matter what the circumstances, anyone labeled 'sexist' has to go through a anti-sexism course.

The problem is, now he has that "label" in his records, it definitely could affect his chances of promotion, etc. Even if the real reason is put into his company file, no guarantee anyone would ever read anything except the label. He should still submit a letter describing the instance, and insist it be put into his record (though no guarantee it would be read).

In his case, I don't think I could resist going around to each and every manager I could, from store level on up, demanding to know official company policy on what to call customers - if ma'm is sexist to a female, then I presume sir would be equally sexist to a male. So what should they be called? And when will all employees be told of the policy?

[MoonCat]

Ma'am isn't "ageist" either...it's just polite. It's a lot better than 'hey you!' Never bothered me to be called ma'am (although come to think of it, "babe" wouldn't bother me either! )

[Mongo Skruddgemire]

I was stunned when he told me about this. I want to know what he should have called her, instead of "Ma'am", or my suggestion "B"

"Greetings fellow carbon-based lifeform" works well for me.

Been in that situation once myself. Said Ma'am to someone and was reported to the administration as "sexist". Took the class on how to be gender neutral and polite.

Then I was reported to the administration that I wasn't polite at all and refused to use "Ma'am" like a gentleman should. I tried to defend myself by stating the guidelines in the mandatory gender neutrality class.

Then I was fired for not being a "Team player".

Funny thing is that everyone I knew who worked there went through the same process. Get bitched out for doing something, got bitched for NOT doing that same thing, defending themselves, then getting fired.

They went through 20 people in a year. Management could never understand why they couldn't keep staff in for more than a couple of months at a time.