Canadaphobia

[Sapphire Silk]

Yes…..Canada. Truly a savage, terrifying place. It’s alright, I understand your fear. Our barren north lands are not to be trifled with. Even I commute back and forth to work with snow shoes and a 12 gauge just in case. There’s all manner of man eating wildlife, cannibalistic mountain men and merciless bandits to be wary of here in BC. It’s like Mad Max: Beyond Edmonton.

That's funny. I've been to Edmonton.

If this boy was scared of Canada, he'd better never go to Mexico.

[Daemonmonkey]

We don't SELL puppies

But, but..., I have this copy of Puppy Linux, and I NEED a puppy so it can play/use it

as thought by SC's

[wagegoth]

Re Story Time

The bus drivers here cannot talk on their phones or wear headphones while driving, for good reason. However, they can kick people off the bus for interfering with their ability to drive. I saw a guy kicked off the bus one night because he was talking too loud. He was sitting up front and just kept running his mouth (I was safely in the back and tuned him out) about something. We got to a major stop and the driver told him he was too loud, she'd already warned him and now he was off the bus. He got louder but got off. I wish more of them would do it.

[Jester]

We live in a world full of special people. That is all I can say.

No. No it's not. And you prove that it's not pretty much weekly.

I think you're taking "Inquire" vastly out of context here. It does mean you can ask questions, yes, but within the context of our products and services. Not about just any random thing you want.

This is like that old joke...
OPERATOR: "Information, how may I help you?"
CALLER: "Yes, can you tell me what the capital of Zimbabwe is?"

Which may be why they changed their name to "Directory Assistance."

This is the exact moment a stoner realizes they have absolutely no idea where they are or what they’re doing.

Been there, done that. And by "done that," I don't mean GK's part. I mean the stoner's part.

Done it stoned.
Done it drunk.
Done it stone-cold sober.

And yes, "early-onset Alzheimer's" IS usually the phrase that goes through my mind at those times!

Me: "Good mor-"
SC: “I just love to hear your voice!”

It's official! At least one of GK's Fan Girls has found him! Not surprising, though. Really, it was not a matter of "if," but simply a matter of "when."

Me: “Good morning, <company>. How may I help you?”
SC: “What’s the best route to take to Port Canaveral?”

Ok, look, “How may I help you?” isn’t an all encompassing question. It’s only meant within the confines of our products and services. It doesn’t mean “Share with me any and all problems mortal, for I am a bottomless font of wisdom and can answer any inquiry you may ask”.

More people from the "Information" crowd. Pesky lot, aren't they?

No, I don’t know who your “paper delivery lady” is in “Annie Lynn County”. Again, the answering phrase for this account is “Good morning, <company>. How may I help you?” not "ZOLAR SPEAKS". I do not possess limitless knowledge nor do I grant wishes.

And yet more of their ilk. You would think "411" would be easier for them to dial than an 800 number. But then, logic never was their strong suit.

Story Time!

"He keeps his eyes forward at all times."

That is an admirable trait in a public transit driver, and one I wish more of them would exhibit on a regular basis. Just saying....

Yes…..Canada. Truly a savage, terrifying place. It’s alright, I understand your fear. Our barren north lands are not to be trifled with. Even I commute back and forth to work with snow shoes and a 12 gauge just in case.

Actually, I think that would make a lot of sense on the Skytrain.

If you can shoot me the right way.

Well, "the right way" is rather a subjective thing. Some people prefer a single shot through the heart. Others prefer one between the eyes. Some of the more thorough professionals insist on one of each, figuring that at least one of those should prove fatal. Myself, I've always been a fan of the "double tap" method, putting two quick ones in below the ear.

Then there's the question of caliber.....

"Lost in Canada" said something about a bottle (I think), but it must have been a vial he meant. There had to have been drugs involved in whatever it was he was up to.

As both a bartender and a drunk, I muse disagree. While there certainly MAY have been drugs involved, trust me when I tell you that drunks can be just as nonsensical and idiotic as any junkie or crackhead.

[threadjack]About a week later, he was wearing the same pants at the club, and the girl came up behind him, grabbed his pants and ran.

If I really thought I'd have women coming up to me in a bar and stealing my pants right off my ass, I'd be ordering a few pairs of those velcro pants right now.

I need more women stealing my pants. And by "more" I mean "any."

If this boy was scared of Canada, he'd better never go to Mexico.

Strangest stroll I ever took was in Mexico. Along the beach road. Trying to get back to my campsite on the beach. Which was, sadly, ten miles behind me. And here I was with no wallet and my pants over my shoulder.

No, I have no idea or memory of how I found myself in this particular predicament. My only explanation was, "It's Mexico."

I saw a guy kicked off the bus one night because he was talking too loud.

[singing]

"Walking by the Dock of the Bay....
watching the bu-u-u-s pull away.
I'm just walking by the Dock of the Bay...
Got kicked off...."

[Mr Hero]

This is like that old joke...
OPERATOR: "Information, how may I help you?"
CALLER: "Yes, can you tell me what the capital of Zimbabwe is?"

Which may be why they changed their name to "Directory Assistance."

I got up one morning, couldn't find my socks, so I called Information. She
said, "Hello, Information." I said, "I can't find my socks." She said,
"They're behind the couch." And they were! -- Steven Wright

[Caffienated_Caramel]

Actually, I think that would make a lot of sense on the Skytrain.

Speaking of the Skytrain, whatever happened to the Devil's skytrain? The one with the really comfy seats.

Anyway, that crazy lady? I wonder if she's going to be another one of your constant calling fangirls. I hope not for your sake.

Impressive

[Darkforge]

If I really thought I'd have women coming up to me in a bar and stealing my pants right off my ass, I'd be ordering a few pairs of those velcro pants right now.

I need more women stealing my pants. And by "more" I mean "any."

Well at least you don't have to spend $900 on pants as they kept on being stolen off you...

hmmn, suddenly I'm curious about what they get up to up north and whether thats why they need to constantly buy pants?

actually, added to recent suspicions that they were being used as currency and it makes me think that theft might be an issue...

[MoonCat]

I need more women stealing my pants. And by "more" I mean "any."

Ladies, the line forms on the right. Please take a number and proceed in an orderly fashion.

[Jester]

Ladies, the line forms on the right. Please take a number and proceed in an orderly fashion.

To quote the guy at the chili cookoff who said to me, very politely, after he tasted my Devil's Ass Chili: "With all due respect, fuck you."

Personally, I would much rather have chaos and mayhem as women fight to steal my pants from me. Orderly fashion? Lines? Numbers? Fuck no! What fun is that?!? That shit is for old people!!!!

[lineswine]

Well, "the right way" is rather a subjective thing. Some people prefer a single shot through the heart. Others prefer one between the eyes. Some of the more thorough professionals insist on one of each, figuring that at least one of those should prove fatal. Myself, I've always been a fan of the "double tap" method, putting two quick ones in below the ear.

Then there's the question of caliber.....

Then there's the "Mozambique Method" (as invented by the CIA, IIRC)
2 in the body, 1 in the head
then you know the f*cker is dead.

It's 1 more round, but removes all doubt.

As for calibre, .22 would be my choice
It's quiet, almost zero recoil, carry more rounds in a clip & finally, the round tumbles in the body, which causes more destruction.

(/ my 0.02 worth)

[MoonCat]

To quote the guy at the chili cookoff who said to me, very politely, after he tasted my Devil's Ass Chili: "With all due respect, fuck you."

Personally, I would much rather have chaos and mayhem as women fight to steal my pants from me. Orderly fashion? Lines? Numbers? Fuck no! What fun is that?!? That shit is for old people!!!!

Well, in that case....have at 'em, girls!!!!