Alas, Poor Mr Brown

[Jester]

Considering the number of calls like this that you report, GK, what the hell are they serving in the bars up there?

Okay, as a drunk and barfly, I really must protest. It is generally not liquid refreshment that causes this kind of off the chart craziness. There are generally three realistic causes:
1. Drugs.
2. Psychosis (or some other form of mental illness).
3. Drugs AND psychosis (or some other form of....well, you get the idea).

Note to self: Remember Rule #1

I've said it before, and I'll keep saying it: there IS a way around Rule #1. I know this as I just finished eating dinner (cold leftover meatloaf from the restaurant last night, accompanied by a cold beer) while reading GK's post, without any mishaps or soiling of my monitor or keyboard.

It's simple. Read. Pause. Eat. Pause. Read again. Etc.

I simply eat and/or drink between stories, then go right back to them.

Hey, it works!

GK, How the hell do you keep the trainees from frantically running away when they start dealing with these callers?

Well, according to his post, his trainees did not get any of the whackos, he did. Poor, poor Gravekeeper.....

[Becks]

What’s that girl? Timmy’s varnishing a table in a poorly ventilated room?

I am so totally going to use that line next time the MOTH and/ore either of his parents starts to tell a story.

[Shalom]

I’m quite used to weird noises, uneasy feelings and dark shapes moving about in the dead of night.

Well naturally. That's when you're at work, isn't it?

Weird noises in the dead of night. Describes your callers pretty well, I'd venture to say.

[Syriilord]

All I could think of when I read Mr. Brown's dictation to you was this rather obscure quote from a cinematic masterpiece:
"This poster needs more exclamation points."
Cookies for reference.

It's the character Kim Pine from the wonderful Scott Pilgrim vs The World, right before the battle of the bands against the Katyanagi (hope I spelled that right) Twins (aka Evil Exes # 5 & 6)

Woot: Cookies ^^

[42_42_42]

I've said it before, and I'll keep saying it: there IS a way around Rule #1. I know this as I just finished eating dinner (cold leftover meatloaf from the restaurant last night, accompanied by a cold beer) while reading GK's post, without any mishaps or soiling of my monitor or keyboard.

I, too, enjoyed a meatloaf dinner whilst also enjoying GK's post. Only mine wasn't cold and it wasn't from a restaurant. It was my own yummy meatloaf with spicy glaze*. With mashed potatoes and parmesean asparagus on the side. Mmmmm.

*1/3 c ketchup
1-2 tbsp sriracha sauce
1 tbsp worcestershire sauce
1/4 c honey

Brush over top of cooked meatloaf and then place under broiler for 7-10 min.

[Imogene]

"This poster needs more exclamation points."

While I see this has been answered, I thought along far different-er lines:
"Five exclamation points, obviously the sign of a deranged mind."

... The thoughts that run through my mind....
In computing terms, an exclamation point is known as a bang...
You don't suppose Mr. Brown was just adding punctuation to his complaints because of what his neighbors were doing? Or possibly how often they were doing it...?

[wolfie]

A Cunning Plan

It does so amuse me when you call from out of province, are informed you are out of province and thus cannot order because we only ship locally, and you then hang up on me. Only to call back a few minutes later to attempt a clever ruse. Despite the fact I am not only the same operator, but that you still have a 416 area code showing on caller ID and are still not within the province anyway even if you did succeed in placing an order somehow. Which leads me to believe that your highly coveted “Master of Deception” title was in fact obtained by sending away 5 proofs of purchase from the back of specially marked boxes of Cocoa Puffs.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but roughly a year and a half ago I made some calls within BC, and the caller ID would have showed a 416 area code. How did I perform this black magic? A cell phone.

[Mr Hero]

Sorry to burst your bubble, but roughly a year and a half ago I made some calls within BC, and the caller ID would have showed a 416 area code. How did I perform this black magic? A cell phone.

I was going to comment about this too. My parents moved down to Arizona to retire but have kept their Colorado area code.

[Jester]

I think there were other clues that GK picked up on that told him the caller was from outside the BC area.

That being said, I am like Mr. Hero's parents in that, when I finally move back home to Arizona, I have no intention of changing my cell phone number, which is and will continue to be a Key West, Florida number.

Will that perhaps confuse some people in Arizona? Sure it will. But the people that it would confuse are not of the intellectual level that I tend to associate with on a regular basis.

[Gravekeeper]

Sorry to burst your bubble, but roughly a year and a half ago I made some calls within BC, and the caller ID would have showed a 416 area code. How did I perform this black magic? A cell phone.

Except A) They told me they were not in BC to begin with and B) Obviously they did not have a BC shipping address. Thus no bubble has been burst. You could have easily called me with your out of province cell phone, yet still met with miserable failure. ;p