How to Flush a Urinal

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Latest in a series of I.P Freleigh Tips On How To Be A Good Customer, Or, Failing That, How To Ensure Your Voice Is Never Muffled By Your Own Butt.

Today: How to Flush A Urinal

1.) When finished doing Number 1, lightly pull down the flush handle and let it spring back up.
2.) Put your doodle back in your pants and zip up.
3.) Wash and dry hands
4.) Toss your paper towel in the garbage can, if needed
5.) Exit the restroom

How Not to Flush a Urinal

1.) Slam down flush handle and continue to hold it down
2.) While keeping flush handle firmly locked in the down position, sing the entire score of H.M.S. Pinafore while the water is sloshing out of the urinal and onto the floor
3.) Leave the restroom and leave the flood to be noticed by Mr. LP Corporate Sellout Captain Jackass, who then pages me for a restroom cleanup.
4.) You've now made I.P. Freleigh's list of things he wants to kill with a ping pong ball and a bazooka.

May this information serve you well.

[Trjgul]

4.) You've now made I.P. Freleigh's list of things he wants to kill with a ping pong ball and a bazooka.

The fact that I don't know WHAT you would do with these or HOW actually scares me more.

[XCashier]

Aw, man. You totally have my sympathies.

I think the ping pong ball and bazooka are too kind for that jerk. He deserves

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Sad thing is, this happens all. the. fucking. time.

We had a plumber come out once because we kept getting floods in the mens room. He said there was nothing wrong with the pipes; it was just guys tying down the handles when flushing.

A mop doesn't do any good when this happens. Have to have a squeegee. But in the maintenance room all we could find were the squeegee head that you might hold in your hand to wash windows. We couldn't find the handle to attach the head to so I could push the water into the drain.

Captain Jackass wanted me to use the squeegee anyway. If there's no handle, it means I have to be on my hands and knees in potty water. If I have to be on hands and knees in potty water, nobody gets out alive.

[Racket_Man]

OK the bazooka I understand

BUT the ping pong ball....... (and I too am sure I DO NOT want to know)

[pitmonkey]

Time for an hands free flush.

[Alephcat]

OK the bazooka I understand

BUT the ping pong ball....... (and I too am sure I DO NOT want to know)

have you never seen pricilla queen of the desert ?

[kpzra]

Time for an hands free flush.

That makes me say (almost every day) "Just because the ones downstairs are fancy and flush for you, the upstairs ones don't. That little handle there is NOT for decoration, USE it...looking at you medivac pilots."

[TheGeneralPublicSucks]

Wait, urinals are for number 1's? Ah man, I have been doing it wrong all these years!

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Wait, urinals are for number 1's? Ah man, I have been doing it wrong all these years!

Mmkay, I need to know who made the dookie in the urinal, mmkay.

[Kristev]

Absorbants, even flour will work. If that's unavailable, paper towels. Lots of them. I have to deal with a flood in the restrooms nearly every working day.

Then again, at least one of our loos will be shut down due to paper towels in the pipes. I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate consumers! Can't I banish them to the netherworld of K-Mart?

[Mr Hero]

Wait, urinals are for number 1's? Ah man, I have been doing it wrong all these years!

Mmkay, I need to know who made the dookie in the urinal, mmkay.

And once again Irv beats me and uses a quote I was going to use in response.

[Racket_Man]

Mmkay, I need to know who made the dookie in the urinal, mmkay.

are you sure it was not just a Butterfinger or a Payday bar????

****cookies for reference

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

No, for the record, it was a Baby Ruth bar.

[Ironclad Alibi]

How Not to Flush a Urinal

1.) Slam down flush handle and continue to hold it down
2.) While keeping flush handle firmly locked in the down position, sing the entire score of H.M.S. Pinafore while the water is sloshing out of the urinal and onto the floor
3.) Leave the restroom and leave the flood to be noticed by Mr. LP Corporate Sellout Captain Jackass, who then pages me for a restroom cleanup.
4.) You've now made I.P. Freleigh's list of things he wants to kill with a ping pong ball and a bazooka.

I see that this guy skipped the part about "Put your doodle back in your pants and zip up." That should make him easy to find. Just look for him at the center of the crowd that is pointing and laughing.