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Cable Customers: Some one liners

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  • #1

    Cable Customers: Some one liners

    These customers have been off the hook recently:

    C: Hey, I can’t pay my cable bill because I have to pay for my burial service…
    Me:

    C: Now listen here, my phone has been off all day & all of my friends think I’m dead! I blame your company for this!

    C: I had a tech come fix my computer today and I don’t appreciate him telling me that he fixed it with his “magic fingers.” I don’t believe in magic!

    C: Hi, I need to know what number to call to speak with somebody there at your company.
    Me:
    The universe is mostly empty space, and so is your job. ~Dilbert
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  • #2
    Quoth Phone Jockey View Post
    C: I had a tech come fix my computer today and I don’t appreciate him telling me that he fixed it with his “magic fingers.” I don’t believe in magic!
    In my Wednesday jobs, I get this quite a bit. Of course, on Wednesday I work at a toy store and a restaurant...as a magician.

    "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is     Still A Customer."

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    • #3
      Quoth Jester View Post
      In my Wednesday jobs, I get this quite a bit. Of course, on Wednesday I work at a toy store and a restaurant...as a magician.
      But I don't believe in magic!!
      The universe is mostly empty space, and so is your job. ~Dilbert

      Comment

      • #4
        Quoth Phone Jockey View Post
        C: Hey, I can’t pay my cable bill because I have to pay for my burial service…
        Me:
        Pay-ahead funeral services. I hear it saves a lot of time, trouble and money.
        Unseen but seeing
        oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
        There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
        3rd shift needs love, too
        RIP, mo bhrionglóid

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        • #5
          I believe in magic. It seems to work quite well. Except, of course, for me.
          Customers should always be served . . . to the nearest great white.

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          • #6
            Standard line I use in my act:

            JESTER: "Do you believe in magic?"
            KID: "Yes!"
            JESTER: "Great! Makes my job easier...."

            "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is             Still A Customer."

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            • #7
              "magic sometimes sounds a lot like tape"-the Amazing Jonathan
              Honestly.... the image of that in my head made me go "AWESOME!"..... and then I remembered I am terribly strange.-Red dazes

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              • #8
                Quoth Phone Jockey View Post
                C: I had a tech come fix my computer today and I don’t appreciate him telling me that he fixed it with his “magic fingers.” I don’t believe in magic!
                BUT BUT BUT..... I thought all those Harry Potter books and movies were REAL. with all of those people protesting and screaming something about sacralige and hersey and the devil I truely thought it was real
                I'm lost without a paddle and headed up SH*T creek.
                -- Life Sucks Then You Die.

                "I'll believe corp. are people when Texas executes one."

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                • #9
                  I knew a guy who performed magic. Everyone who saw his performance wanted to know how he did it. I told them it was magic. Don't think about the details; just go with it. It's much more enjoyable when you marvel at the outcome rather than racking your brain trying to figure it out.
                  "Imagine that. Human souls, trapped like flies in the World Wide Web, stuck forever, crying out for help."-The Doctor
                  "Isn't that basically Twitter?"-Clara

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                  • #10
                    Quoth Phone Jockey View Post
                    But I don't believe in magic!!
                    Everyone ought to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
                    "I don't have to be petty. The Universe does that for me."

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Quoth Phone Jockey View Post
                      I don’t believe in magic!
                      That's ok. Magic believes in you!
                      Bark like a chicken!

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