The War Of The Roses

[Kara]

SC: "Size 10, and plus…..I’m a girl right now“

Wait. When did Canada get this kind of magic power? Are we talking like a "Spring-of-Drowned-Girl" kind of thing, or... ah screw it, I'm booking a flight to Canada. Wait, they don't have airports in the Northern Wastland. You think I can just mail myself in a box marked "OMG PANTS" and they'll airdrop me?

See you soon. As long as I can outrun a polar bear....

[Becks]

Oh man, last week was special. Really special.

Window licking good!!

[Sonoma]

. "Men Who Taste Like Machines." Good band name.

So is "Bubonic Swine Hepatitis"

[Chazzie]

Maybe I can shed some light on the "i'm a girl right now" chick- as that is the exact phrase I use to explain to people that I'm on the rag. My other favorite phrase is to say that I'm communist for the week, and therefore raising the 'red flag'.

[morgana]

"Lyrical Atrocity" would be another good band name. And 'hamster licking a nine-volt battery' made my cube neighbors ask me if I was okay. 'Cause I was making odd noises.

And you should be on the radio.

[ceallaig]

I'm thinking that, as often as poor GK seems to get the 'I need a taxi" call, it might behoove him to keep a list of local taxis near his phone. On the other hand, it's so much more fun for us this way ... LOL

[Red_Dazes]

The War Of The Roses: The Prelude

SC: “And this time you can fit in *4* exclamation marks!”

What happened to you, Mr Brown? Look at yourself. Look at the monster you’ve become. 4? 4 exclamation marks? My god! Just last week you were only using one. You’re spiraling out of control, Mr Brown. I hardly recognize you anymore. You’re self destructing at an alarming rate and I can’t just sit by and watch! You’ve left me no choice. I’m going to have to stage a punctuation intervention.

Oh no! You'd better get that intervention soon. The exclamation mark is only a gateway punctuation. If Mr. Brown isn't careful soon he will slip into the really hard core punctuation like semi-colons or ampersands.... then we'll all find him hiding in the back of his closet scribbling upside down question marks and percentage signs!

[MoonCat]

"OMG PANTS"

Now there's a great name for a band right there!

[Jester]

You should start changing the emoticon in the video to go along with the story. Like an anger face or flat what when something really stupid happens. And just tell more stories this way. You could become internet famous.

First of all, let's be honest...GK already IS internet famous.

Secondly, do you really expect him to expend that much effort on Story Time? He has enough to deal with at work, and if I know anything about GK, it's that--like me--he is basically lazy. Besides, that seems like a lot of work for very little effect.

Just saying.

See you soon. As long as I can outrun a polar bear....

Ah, Kara my girl, you forget--you don't have to be faster than the polar bear. You just have to be faster than the Nunavutian behind you....

I'm thinking that, as often as poor GK seems to get the 'I need a taxi" call, it might behoove him to keep a list of local taxis near his phone.

And reward these cretins for not being able to do something as simple as dial the correct number? Hell no. Besides, if he did that, you know what would happen? People would start calling him to get a taxi number if they didn't have one. Word would get out. "Yeah, call this snarky guy, he'll mock you, but he'll get you the number for a cab when you're too drunk or stoned to remember it for yourself."

I can't speak for GK, but I would guess his response to this idea would be something along the lines of "I don't think so!"

Oh no! You'd better get that intervention soon. The exclamation mark is only a gateway punctuation. If Mr. Brown isn't careful soon he will slip into the really hard core punctuation like semi-colons or ampersands.... then we'll all find him hiding in the back of his closet scribbling upside down question marks and percentage signs!

"Pound sign! Pound sign! Damn it, man, give me a fucking pound sign! I'm desperate! I need something to get me through the week! Okay, well how about an underscore? A tilde? Just a little tilde? Who's gonna miss a tiny tilde? It's not like we have a lot of Spanish speakers in Canada! Come on, man, just one little tilde! PLEASE!!!"

[Mikkel]

And reward these cretins for not being able to do something as simple as dial the correct number? Hell no. Besides, if he did that, you know what would happen? People would start calling him to get a taxi number if they didn't have one. Word would get out. "Yeah, call this snarky guy, he'll mock you, but he'll get you the number for a cab when you're too drunk or stoned to remember it for yourself."

Not to mention that GK's customers come from all over the North American continent. Anyone with access to the internet could google "Taxi, Des Moines, Iowa", but neither the client or the caller will thank GK for it

[Gravekeeper]

He has enough to deal with at work, and if I know anything about GK, it's that--like me--he is basically lazy. Besides, that seems like a lot of work for very little effect.

<cough>. Pretty much. It takes a long time to put together the audio/video. Longer than it actually takes me to put together a text post.

And reward these cretins for not being able to do something as simple as dial the correct number?

Exactly.

Not to mention that GK's customers come from all over the North American continent. Anyone with access to the internet could google "Taxi, Des Moines, Iowa", but neither the client or the caller will thank GK for it

It happens mainly on two lines. One is local, the other international. The local one boggles me, as the company in question shares only the first word with a cab company in the city. IE they both begin with "Star" for example. But one goes on to say "Property Management" the other goes on to say "Taxi.". Yet somehow people look at "Star Property Management" and go "Oh that's totally the cab number, they start with the same word!".

The international one, I do not and will not ever understand. It gets the most wrong numbers of any line I answer. But the mere fact you've called it as a wrong number instantly telegraphs that you are a complete idiot. They're a webhosting/domain registrant, so if you stumble onto one of their domains, it gives their number along with "Blah blah, domain is owned by company, please visit our site or call for inquiries about this domain".

But people constantly assume that because the NAME of the website domain says what they're looking for, then the content of said website MUST be what they're looking for ( IE oh this domain is Biebertickets.com, they MUST have Bieber tickets!. ) Despite an entire screen full of contrary evidence. So they call be asking for practically everything and are surprised when its a wrong number. Then I have to try and explain the concept of the Internet to them, which is largely futile. Even if they do get it, half the time you end up with the "false advertising" come back.

[El Pollo Guerrera]

The local one boggles me, as the company in question shares only the first word with a cab company in the city. IE they both begin with "Star" for example. But one goes on to say "Property Management" the other goes on to say "Taxi.". Yet somehow people look at "Star Property Management" and go "Oh that's totally the cab number, they start with the same word!".

Let's see... "Star Taxi" is owned by someone, right? If it's owned by someone, then it's their property, right? Therefore, to get someone to manage to get a cab to me, I must talk to the "property management" people, right?



.

..

...



Ow...

I smell burnt toast...

[Red_Dazes]

"Pound sign! Pound sign! Damn it, man, give me a fucking pound sign! I'm desperate! I need something to get me through the week! Okay, well how about an underscore? A tilde? Just a little tilde? Who's gonna miss a tiny tilde? It's not like we have a lot of Spanish speakers in Canada! Come on, man, just one little tilde! PLEASE!!!"

Damn it man! Keep it together! I know it's tough but you can do it!

Fine...fine! I'll slip you an apostrophe to keep you going, but this is the last time I'm going to enable you!





.................................................. ..'

There....Happy now!?

[Andara Bledin]

Question: Why is it that I need to convince you?

Theory #1: Booze
Theory #2: Alcohol
Theory #3: Fermented Intoxicants

I'm quite certain Jester will support these theories.

Besides, if he did that, you know what would happen? People would start calling him to get a taxi number if they didn't have one.

Not if he gave them the number of a taxi company in, say, Mexico. >_>

It happens mainly on two lines. One is local, the other international. The local one boggles me, as the company in question shares only the first word with a cab company in the city. IE they both begin with "Star" for example. But one goes on to say "Property Management" the other goes on to say "Taxi.". Yet somehow people look at "Star Property Management" and go "Oh that's totally the cab number, they start with the same word!".

Oh. That actually makes total sense.

They ask for Star from the automated 411, which gives them the first local Star they have a listing for, and when it asks if they want it to dial that number, they say "Sure!"

And thus, you get to deal with their moronic tides. You'll almost never get someone coherent and intelligent due to the fact that all of them will know that they've reached the wrong star; they need the second one...

^-.-^

[Gravekeeper]

Oh. That actually makes total sense.

It would totally make sense if I didn't answer the line "Star Property Management Emergency Line". But seeing as I do. >.>