My children?

[Squeaksmyalias]

So she's been quietly hinting at me because she never got to have a daughter.

My Grandfather had a great response to that when a family friend was bugging her own daughter in law about kids. " Somewhere out there there is a child looking for a grandma to take her to the park, read to her and just love her because for one reason or another she doesn't have her own. Let your own child have her children in her own time, and while you wait find a program and love someone who needs it now."

My family has always been supporters of programs like Big Brother Big Sisters. I wonder where my Aunt would have ended up if my Mom didn't become her Big Sister, she went from living in the inner city with a struggling single Mom, about to drop out of middle school. To living part time with my Mom while her own Mom was able to get on her feet, by the time my parents got married she ended up being pretty much adopted by my entire family. Now she is living a good life with three wonderful boys of her own.

[42_42_42]

Maybe it does involve a lot more bureaucratic red tape to adopt here, but if you have the money, what's the big deal?

As someone who has looked into international adoption (there was a toddler in Ukraine I wanted to adopt, but my hubby nixed it), there's a TON more bureaucratic stuff to deal with there as you're not just adopting a child, but immigrating the child to the US and then making that child a US citizen. And you still have to go through all the home-checks and stuff.

[Jester]

YES. There's a big difference between enjoying hanging out with kids and wanting to devote all of your next 18-30+ years to raising one.

Fixed that for you, based on trends over the last few years that I have not only read about, but seen for myself. (I myself moved out of my parents' house four days before my 18th birthday.)

I am looking forward to being the wacky auntie to some friends' kids.

I enjoy being Uncle Jester. And I am very, very, VERY good at it. As frustrating as it sometimes is.

"Somewhere out there there is a child looking for a grandma to take her to the park, read to her and just love her because for one reason or another she doesn't have her own. Let your own child have her children in her own time, and while you wait find a program and love someone who needs it now."

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, and motherfucking YES! HELL yes! www.yes.com. Y to the E S! Fuck an A, YES!

This should be posted, in huge bold letters, on the front door of anyone and everyone who has been bothered by relatives, friends, neighbors, and strangers who want to know when they are "finally" going to have kids.

YES!

[TheGeneralPublicSucks]

I would have given him a large cup for free and said, "pray for my kids".

[LadyAndreca]

To be fair to MIL, she's a Montessori kindergarten teacher, and before hubby was born she was a teacher at the state penitentiary. So there's very little way anyone can say she doesn't mentor anyone!

But that soft sigh and "I always wanted a little girl to dress up and have tea parties with..." really gets irritating after a while. Especially since I'm a tomboy and I hate tea, so -I'm- not filling in too well!

[Marmalady]

But that soft sigh and "I always wanted a little girl to dress up and have tea parties with..." really gets irritating after a while. Especially since I'm a tomboy and I hate tea, so -I'm- not filling in too well!

In other words, even if she'd had a girl, there's no guarantee that she would have wanted to be dressed up and play tea parties. Any more than having a boy means that you now have a future professional footballer in the family.

I have, and have only ever had, one boy. He is bright (OK I know I'm biased) and healthy, happy and affectionate. Yet I still get asked 'Wouldn't you have liked to have a girl?' as if I should somehow be disappointed by him.

It might have been nice to have a girl. I don't know, it didn't happen and probably won't now. But I certainly wouldn't wish my boy to be any different from the way he is.

[Jester]

To be fair to MIL, she's a Montessori kindergarten teacher, and before hubby was born she was a teacher at the state penitentiary. So there's very little way anyone can say she doesn't mentor anyone!

Yeah, but teaching is not the same as one-on-one time that she obviously craves, and even this woman would do well to listen to the advice posted earlier. There are plenty of children out there who could use the affection and attention. Big Brothers Big Sisters, among other groups, do excellent work, and could always use more volunteers.

You want a girl to play tea party with? There's plenty waiting, MIL.

[Seshat]

I love kids. I am not anti-kid at all. I think kids are great.

I just don't want to raise kids.

Some people see this as a contradiction. I do not.

Absolutely!

I don't like children. I'm hypersensitive to loud noises, I tire very rapidly, I ache a lot, and am usually in pain. Children - in my experience - want to make loud noises and have the adults around them do active things with them. So for me, they tend to be painful stimuli.

But I've found an answer that tends to silence the 'you'd be a great mother' crowd.

"I wouldn't wish my genes on my worst enemies, much less people I'd be supposed to love!"

Oddly, noone's ever responded to that with 'so adopt/foster/big-sister'.

[Jester]

Next time someone tells me that I "should" have kids, I'll remind them of a few salient facts about me.

I enjoy drinking. Often too much.
I believe duct tape is a solution to a lot of things. Including people who annoy me.
I believe locking closet doors are one of the greatest babysitting inventions ever.
I like porn. A lot.
I've probably taken way too many hallucinogens in my time....hey, check out that giant glowing muffin!!!
I agree with George Carlin that as a society we focus too much on the children, to an unhealthy degree. To quote George, "Fuck the children."
I don't agree that corporal punishment or spanking qualify as child abuse.*
I've been single for 40 years. Maybe that says something about how I handle commitments. (Maybe not....but who knows?)
I don't think every child should have to wear bicycle helmets or sit in car seats. I will do that with other people's children if that is their rules, of course, but I am not convinced that it is necessary. Witness the helmet-free and child seat-free upbringing of myself and my two sisters. After all, we all....okay, two of the three of us turned out fine. Perhaps that is the answer to why my older sister is such an evil wench. But I'm not convinced.
Even as a child, and especially as an adult, I believe "bed time" is both variable and negotiable.
I have said, on numerous occasions, that there are only three things you can do with children in a place like Key West: conceive 'em, sell 'em, and cook 'em.

Still think *I* should have children, you condescending judgmental pricks?

*(I am not in any way making light of child abuse. It is a real and horrible problem that should receive more attention and treatment than it does. However, I knew some people growing up that were very abused, and I don't think that a parent swatting their kid's ass to get their attention or alert them to some wrongdoing is the same thing as abuse. As this is not fratching, don't attempt to debate this with me, as I will not drawn into such a discourse. This is more about my responses to people who insist I should have children, after all. Thank you for taking this in that light. Even if you think I'm a complete raging douchebag for it.)

[Yarnil]

I have said, on numerous occasions, that there are only three things you can do with children in a place like Key West: conceive 'em, sell 'em, and cook 'em.

Got any good recepies?

[candyshopgirl]

Try being 31 years old and married for 10 years. People's heads explode when I tell them I don't have kids. One woman at work was really getting on my nerves, she wouldn't let up. So I finally told her in a nice way that asking people about kids was rude. I told her that maybe people have problems and can't have children or maybe they just don't want kids and she needs to respect that. And I added that I have some issues.
All of this was lost on her when she looked at me and said what problems do you have? I just walked away. Like I've said I'm literally the size of a fifth grader in more ways then one, if you get my drift. My husband is too scared to let me have children, I've already been told that I will never be able to have natural childbirth, it would kill me. I've very sensitive about this subject, so when people act crazy they get the not so nice me.

[Jester]

Got any good recepies?

I like mesquite.....

Try being 31 years old and married for 10 years.

Gee, that sounds familiar....where have I heard something similar to that before.

Oh, yeah! My own family! My very mother! My parents were married in 1957. My mother was 21. They didn't have their first child until 1966, almost 10 years later, when she was almost 31. (She had me when she was just about 35, and my little sister when she was 36.) Now keep in mind, if you think it's bad now, can you imagine doing something like this in the 50's and 60's? It was highly unusual back then! Personally, I think my parents were brilliant, as they got a decade or so with each other before they ever had kids.

So that's something some of you might want to use with these busybodies. "We're enjoying each other's company for a while before we have kids."

I will never be able to have natural childbirth, it would kill me.

I know you are very sensitive about this, so I won't presume to tell you what you should do. I will, however, point out that your situation is a perfect example of someone for whom adoption would be a great option.

[Yarnil]

I like mesquite.....

Sorry, but this stupit dutch guy doesnt know what that is.

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

I'm really not looking forward to the kid question when I get older. As I do want kids, but at 22 I still haven't really dated anyone. I often worry that in my early thirties, if I am still unattached, people will start saying, "Why don't you have your own children? You teach elementary school, so you must like kids, so why don't you have any?"

And one day I will burst out, "Because no one wants to screw me! Can't make a baby if I'm not getting laid!" *clears throat* Yeah, sorry about that.

I wouldn't worry too much. At 25, I was still hopelessly single like you, fully expecting to stay that way until I was 30 considering how things were going.

But a random encounter turned into something more and now I'm married. I'll be 30 soon but I still don't have kids yet. If it's going to happen it will happen, but I don't consider myself inferior just because I haven't procreated currently.

[Mikkel]

Sorry, but this stupit dutch guy doesnt know what that is.

Mesquite is a tree, it's used, among other things, for smoking meat. It gives a special sweetish taste to the child ehrm meat.
You can buy it all over the world, either as a spice or as wood chips for smoking.
Here is a Dutch homepage selling a flour from the seeds.