Tweet
Spawned = Spawned
SGDI = Stupid God Damn Idiot err Customer
Spawned: Thank you for calling very big bank's online banking, my name is Spawned, may I have your name please?
SGDI: Uh, hi is this very big bank?
Spawned: Yes it is. (Comprehension is at an all new low.) May I have your name please?
SGDI: And you work for the website banking division right?
Spawned: That I do. (why the ever-living $#!@ do I even bother with ridiculously long intro.)
SGDI: Ok my internet is broke, or maybe your internet is broke, because I can't log in.
Spawned: (
) I am sorry to hear that, what is the issue that you seem to be having?
SGDI: I told you, my internet is broke.
Spawned: (And your refrigerator is running harharhar.) I see, but what seems to be happening when you attempt to go verybigbank.com?
SGDI: It comes up and I go to put my [user name] in and then it doesn't do anything.
Spawned: I see, so the page never goes to your [password] screen?
SGDI: No.
Spawned: I am sorry to hear that. I am not aware of any site problems so let's see if we can figure out what is going on. Go ahead and bring up the site.
SGDI: Ok.
(Key presses, a possible groan, a known expletive and then finally...)
SGDI: Ok it is up. What do I do.
Spawned: Enter in your [user name].
SGDI: Ok. (Clickity-clack-clack) Now?
Spawned: Click the [color] sign-in button.
SGDI: I have to press sign-in? It doesn't just recognize my [user name]?
Spawned: No m'am, you must always click that button to proceed.
SGDI: Oh ok there it goes.
Spawned: Wonderful anything else I can do for you?
SGDI: Hold on. I have a question about a transfer I did.
Spawned: Ok, well let me get you into the system so I can look into this. May I have your name please?
SGDI: Blondie Smith (cause she had to be blonde, sorry)
Spawned: Wonderful Ms. Smith, let me have your account number.
SGDI: Hold on...ok...it's...um, XXXXXXXXX.
Spawned: Hmm that account number is not found.
SGDI: That's my social that's why.
Spawned: (Silence) Oh... (
tell me this dipweed )
Spawned: Ok there you are. Now because we appreciate your business and value the security on your account, I need to ask a few verification questions.
SGDI: Why? Can't you just help me.
Spawned: (Sure, why not just take some random ditz over the phone's word that she is the actual customer.) To ensure the security on the account.
SGDI: Ok.
Spawned: I see you have a verbal password on this account, do you remember what this is.
SGDI: [completely wrong response] (gave me online password)
Spawned: Thank you. Now may I have the last 8 numbers on your debit card.
SGDI: [gives last 4 off credit card] (note: you can only receive one response for each question, the first response, no matter what, and if it is wrong it is wrong, no hints.)
Spawned: Ok. And could I have your full address and date of birth.
SGDI: [gives right answer]
Spawned: And can I have a recent transaction, date and dollar amount?
SGDI: No.
Spawned: (who says no) Ok, then miss, I apologize, but I am not able to verify you and will need to terminate this call as I can no longer discuss this account.
SGDI: [bitch bitch piss moan whine whine whine whine]
Spawned: [inform customer of privacy laws and security procedures]
SGDI: :huffs: Well fine, can you just answer a simple question?
Spawned: Sure.
SGDI: I meant to transfer from my checking account to my credit card, but did it backwards. Is this reversable.
Spawned: No miss. This is an instant transfer, what we could do is connect you to card services and they can issue a refund.
SGDI: Why do I have to go through all this. It's your fault.
Spawned: Miss, I do apologize but this is a self service function. There is a box marked from and a box marked to. Plus we give you an opportunity to review the transaction before fully accepting it. I am sorry that you selected the wrong options, but you did select them. I offered you a solution that can satisfy your needs. Would you like me to connect you to card services?
SGDI. Ugh, no. You know, you don't make this website very easy for people who don't know how to use computers. (uhhh... :double take: what!!??) I am done with very big bank and am taking all my accounts out.
SSTB (so sad too bad)
I will spare you the typical moving towards the closing.
I think this speaks for itself.
SGDI = Stupid God Damn Idiot err Customer
Spawned: Thank you for calling very big bank's online banking, my name is Spawned, may I have your name please?
SGDI: Uh, hi is this very big bank?
Spawned: Yes it is. (Comprehension is at an all new low.) May I have your name please?
SGDI: And you work for the website banking division right?
Spawned: That I do. (why the ever-living $#!@ do I even bother with ridiculously long intro.)
SGDI: Ok my internet is broke, or maybe your internet is broke, because I can't log in.
Spawned: (
) I am sorry to hear that, what is the issue that you seem to be having?SGDI: I told you, my internet is broke.
Spawned: (And your refrigerator is running harharhar.) I see, but what seems to be happening when you attempt to go verybigbank.com?
SGDI: It comes up and I go to put my [user name] in and then it doesn't do anything.
Spawned: I see, so the page never goes to your [password] screen?
SGDI: No.
Spawned: I am sorry to hear that. I am not aware of any site problems so let's see if we can figure out what is going on. Go ahead and bring up the site.
SGDI: Ok.
(Key presses, a possible groan, a known expletive and then finally...)
SGDI: Ok it is up. What do I do.
Spawned: Enter in your [user name].
SGDI: Ok. (Clickity-clack-clack) Now?
Spawned: Click the [color] sign-in button.
SGDI: I have to press sign-in? It doesn't just recognize my [user name]?
Spawned: No m'am, you must always click that button to proceed.
SGDI: Oh ok there it goes.
Spawned: Wonderful anything else I can do for you?
SGDI: Hold on. I have a question about a transfer I did.
Spawned: Ok, well let me get you into the system so I can look into this. May I have your name please?
SGDI: Blondie Smith (cause she had to be blonde, sorry)
Spawned: Wonderful Ms. Smith, let me have your account number.
SGDI: Hold on...ok...it's...um, XXXXXXXXX.
Spawned: Hmm that account number is not found.
SGDI: That's my social that's why.
Spawned: (Silence) Oh... (
tell me this dipweed )Spawned: Ok there you are. Now because we appreciate your business and value the security on your account, I need to ask a few verification questions.
SGDI: Why? Can't you just help me.
Spawned: (Sure, why not just take some random ditz over the phone's word that she is the actual customer.) To ensure the security on the account.
SGDI: Ok.
Spawned: I see you have a verbal password on this account, do you remember what this is.
SGDI: [completely wrong response] (gave me online password)
Spawned: Thank you. Now may I have the last 8 numbers on your debit card.
SGDI: [gives last 4 off credit card] (note: you can only receive one response for each question, the first response, no matter what, and if it is wrong it is wrong, no hints.)
Spawned: Ok. And could I have your full address and date of birth.
SGDI: [gives right answer]
Spawned: And can I have a recent transaction, date and dollar amount?
SGDI: No.
Spawned: (who says no) Ok, then miss, I apologize, but I am not able to verify you and will need to terminate this call as I can no longer discuss this account.
SGDI: [bitch bitch piss moan whine whine whine whine]
Spawned: [inform customer of privacy laws and security procedures]
SGDI: :huffs: Well fine, can you just answer a simple question?
Spawned: Sure.
SGDI: I meant to transfer from my checking account to my credit card, but did it backwards. Is this reversable.
Spawned: No miss. This is an instant transfer, what we could do is connect you to card services and they can issue a refund.
SGDI: Why do I have to go through all this. It's your fault.
Spawned: Miss, I do apologize but this is a self service function. There is a box marked from and a box marked to. Plus we give you an opportunity to review the transaction before fully accepting it. I am sorry that you selected the wrong options, but you did select them. I offered you a solution that can satisfy your needs. Would you like me to connect you to card services?
SGDI. Ugh, no. You know, you don't make this website very easy for people who don't know how to use computers. (uhhh... :double take: what!!??) I am done with very big bank and am taking all my accounts out.
SSTB (so sad too bad)I will spare you the typical moving towards the closing.
I think this speaks for itself.
Comment