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Mr Wang's DooDoo (GROSS!!!)
This is my boyfriend's favourite war story. I can always tell when he's a little drunk because he will tell it to anyone who will listen...
WARNING: SERIOUSLY GROSS. PROCEED WITH CAUTION AND AVOID IF EATING.
Back in 2005 my boyfriend (R) was working as a barman in a pub. The pub was also a hotel, having four or five rooms on the second floor. The bar staff were responsible for the housekeeping duties, although since all the rooms were rarely full at the same time it wasn't much trouble. Until Mr Wang.
Mr Wang (his real name, I doubt he'll read this and the name amuses me) was a Chinese businessman. R could never figure out why a clearly very wealthy foreigner would want to stay in a rather scrubby pub in a shady part of Bristol, since Bristol is a city full of upmarket hotels. Perhaps the story that follows gives us a clue.
Mr Wang checked in one evening, having booked a room for three nights. That evening R was doing a short early shift in the pub (3-7) as he was scheduled for the morning set up shift the next morning (10-2.30). He served Mr Wang at least 5 double shots of best whisky in the last hour of his shift. Clearly Mr Wang was intending to break loose. R spent a year living in Shanghai from 2003-2004, and knew that the stereotype that Asians cannot hold their liquor, while not true in every case, is a stereotype for a reason. He pointed Mr Wang out to the landlord, warning him that Mr Wang might have to be cut off at some point. Then R went home.
The next morning R was in at 10 to set up for the lunch rush and do housekeeping on the rooms. Mr Wang was the only guest and hadn't come down for breakfast, so R decided to set up the bar first. Eventually Mr Wang came down, looking rather dishevelled. He clicked his fingers at R and said: 'You. Clean Room. Change soiled linen.' He then walked out.
R went up to the room. Upon opening the door he was hit with such a stench that he physically recoiled. The bed linen was all over the floor, covered in liquid faeces, and in the middle of the mattress was a lake of it. There were drops and streaks going from the bed to the light switch, which was also daubed with poop, and the trail then went to the bathroom.
The edges of the bath were covered in vomit, and there were streaks of excrement on the floor, walls, covering the toilet, and oddly, a pool of it in the sink. There were brown handprints and streaks on the shower curtain.
From what the poop evidence showed, R could see that Mr Wang had fouled himself in the night after a few hundred too many, had felt with his hands to see what had happened, had got up and turned on the light, and then made his way to the bathroom, trickling body fluids all the way. He had then both vomited and had many exciting bowel movements for the rest of the night. Clearly at some point he had showered, as the inside of the bath was clean, but had not thought to try and rinse down the rest of the bathroom.
R decided that he wasn't paid enough to deal with this, so he rang the landlord (C). C turned up as R was setting up the bar. R just pointed up to the room. After a moment he heard C yell 'WHAT THE SHITTING FUCK???!!!!' C then came down looking rather green. He told R that he didn't expect him to clean the room, but that he should go and collect all Mr Wang's things and bring them downstairs, and that he would do the actual poop removal. R did so, carefully putting on gloves and wrapping Mr Wang's suitcases in plastic bags just in case.
Mr Wang returned a few hours later and was told in no uncertain terms that he was not going to be allowed to stay two more nights. He didn't seem to grasp the magnitude of the situation, repeating over and over 'Soiled linen! You change!' C eventually had to take him by the collar and forcibly eject him, amid a tirade of angry Chinese swearwords. R's Chinese was a bit rusty by this point, but he swore he heard 'you nasty white eunuch'.
Much of the rest of C's day was spent ringing the council about the disposal of a hazardous matress and several square feet of carpeting. And giving R a nice bonus.
WARNING: SERIOUSLY GROSS. PROCEED WITH CAUTION AND AVOID IF EATING.
Back in 2005 my boyfriend (R) was working as a barman in a pub. The pub was also a hotel, having four or five rooms on the second floor. The bar staff were responsible for the housekeeping duties, although since all the rooms were rarely full at the same time it wasn't much trouble. Until Mr Wang.
Mr Wang (his real name, I doubt he'll read this and the name amuses me) was a Chinese businessman. R could never figure out why a clearly very wealthy foreigner would want to stay in a rather scrubby pub in a shady part of Bristol, since Bristol is a city full of upmarket hotels. Perhaps the story that follows gives us a clue.
Mr Wang checked in one evening, having booked a room for three nights. That evening R was doing a short early shift in the pub (3-7) as he was scheduled for the morning set up shift the next morning (10-2.30). He served Mr Wang at least 5 double shots of best whisky in the last hour of his shift. Clearly Mr Wang was intending to break loose. R spent a year living in Shanghai from 2003-2004, and knew that the stereotype that Asians cannot hold their liquor, while not true in every case, is a stereotype for a reason. He pointed Mr Wang out to the landlord, warning him that Mr Wang might have to be cut off at some point. Then R went home.
The next morning R was in at 10 to set up for the lunch rush and do housekeeping on the rooms. Mr Wang was the only guest and hadn't come down for breakfast, so R decided to set up the bar first. Eventually Mr Wang came down, looking rather dishevelled. He clicked his fingers at R and said: 'You. Clean Room. Change soiled linen.' He then walked out.
R went up to the room. Upon opening the door he was hit with such a stench that he physically recoiled. The bed linen was all over the floor, covered in liquid faeces, and in the middle of the mattress was a lake of it. There were drops and streaks going from the bed to the light switch, which was also daubed with poop, and the trail then went to the bathroom.
The edges of the bath were covered in vomit, and there were streaks of excrement on the floor, walls, covering the toilet, and oddly, a pool of it in the sink. There were brown handprints and streaks on the shower curtain.
From what the poop evidence showed, R could see that Mr Wang had fouled himself in the night after a few hundred too many, had felt with his hands to see what had happened, had got up and turned on the light, and then made his way to the bathroom, trickling body fluids all the way. He had then both vomited and had many exciting bowel movements for the rest of the night. Clearly at some point he had showered, as the inside of the bath was clean, but had not thought to try and rinse down the rest of the bathroom.
R decided that he wasn't paid enough to deal with this, so he rang the landlord (C). C turned up as R was setting up the bar. R just pointed up to the room. After a moment he heard C yell 'WHAT THE SHITTING FUCK???!!!!' C then came down looking rather green. He told R that he didn't expect him to clean the room, but that he should go and collect all Mr Wang's things and bring them downstairs, and that he would do the actual poop removal. R did so, carefully putting on gloves and wrapping Mr Wang's suitcases in plastic bags just in case.
Mr Wang returned a few hours later and was told in no uncertain terms that he was not going to be allowed to stay two more nights. He didn't seem to grasp the magnitude of the situation, repeating over and over 'Soiled linen! You change!' C eventually had to take him by the collar and forcibly eject him, amid a tirade of angry Chinese swearwords. R's Chinese was a bit rusty by this point, but he swore he heard 'you nasty white eunuch'.
Much of the rest of C's day was spent ringing the council about the disposal of a hazardous matress and several square feet of carpeting. And giving R a nice bonus.
will help 
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