Unbelievable! (A List)

[HawaiianShirts]

Some of the other threads I've been reading lately and some experiences with customers the past few days have prompted this one. Some of these come from specific stories, others are just general everyday events. Feel free to add your own.

The List of Things Retail and Service Employees Say that Customers Never Believe

- I can't sell the display.
- You need a cable modem for cable internet.
- I've never met you before.
- No, I don't know who you are.
- No, I do not have a co-worker named Discount Dealin' Dan who offered you a free computer.
- I graduated high school.
- No, you did not buy a computer with 5gigs of porn pre-loaded.
- Yes, you do need some kind of internet security.
- You've dialed the wrong number.
- I can't accept that as a return. You've passed the 30-return policy by four months.
- Microsoft Office and Microsoft Windows are entirely different programs.
- Your card has been declined.
- That coupon has expired.
- I can't honor an advertised price from last year.
- I don't sell Windows 98 upgrade kits or restore discs any more. I don't know who does. The guy who told you to look for them here doesn't know what he's talking about.
- I can't give you a "better deal" on a sale item that is already below cost.
- We're sold out.
- We're closed.

[MadMike]

How about "I don't work here?"

I've personally never had someone refuse to believe me when I told them that, but I've seen stories from some other members where the customer didn't, and even went as far as to involve the manager. In fact, I think there was one where the manager didn't even know the person didn't work there, and tried to fire them.

[Spiffy McMoron]

A Continuation of the list...

-I'd never heard of that problem before. (Said in reply to a wildly exaggerated claim-ie: "These porn sites just popped up with no warning!" "This paint brush ruined my wall!" etc, etc.)
-We've never sold that item here. Ever.
-I'm sorry.
-That won't work.

[Whyme]

-I need an ID or passport that isn't expired to sell you cigarettes/alcohol.
-No, we don't have any more (insert any product name here) in "the back".

That's all I can think of right now. Tomorrow is Friday i.e. "check cashing day" so I'll probably have more gems Friday night

[Drakstern]

- We can't take this coupon here.
-Just because it's on sale *somewhere* doesn't mean it's on sale here.
-The fact that a single wrong item is in that spot with all of the right ones doesn't mean the one wrong item is on sale.
-No I won't let your lack of ID slide this time.
-No I can't hold that.
-I'm busy at the moment, but I can get someone to help you.
-That is not for sale.
-No, I can't give you cigarettes on account.
-The winning lotto numbers aren't in yet.

[roadside]

-Your 17 year daughter can not drive the rental car to prom.
-You are not allowed to get the rental out of impound because you let your boyfriend without a drivers license operate the car and he got arrested for DUI.
-I can't extend your rental because you rented from another company.
-I'm at a national call center, but I can still give you directions. (It's called microsoft streets and trips)

[ArenaBoy]

-I need to see your pass
-Game started an hour ago
-No, I will not let you flash me so you can get into VIP (Has happened.)
-I am not paid to clean your car
-I am always here and I don't know you
-It has always been policy to ask for a pass
-Yes, the passes are different.
-Yes the fee is $10.
-We do not have valet
-Handicap is full

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

-No, I cannot negotiate the price with you.
-We are not a babysitting service
-State law requires us to destory the displays of the baby furniture
-State law also requires you to wear underwear when trying on that bathing suit.
-We can only hold that for you for 24 hours.
-We cannot tie that down for you. We can only give you the rope so you can do that yourself.
-We do not offer one hour photo anymore. Really. We don't. See that big hole behind the counter where the one hour machine used to be? The lease came up on the machine and corporate decided to get rid of it.
-We do not have any more Wiis
-Or PS3s
-Nor do we know when they are coming in again

[PuckishOne]

- As fun as it would be to try, I cannot violate federal law/commit insurance fraud for you.
- Yes, it probably is cheaper elsewhere.
- Yes, you may cancel your coverage at any time...
- ...But you can't re-enroll until open enrollment.
- I have no personal control over the policies of this organization.
- I am not threatened by the thought of you calling your lawyer/the attorney general/President of Starfleet and giving them my name and telephone extension.
- I am unable (though not unwilling) to exert any influence over the insurance industry, the medical-legal establishment, or any governmental agency.
- Really, that is the policy. And yes, it's in your booklet.
- No, it's not illegal for us to expect you to pay for the service you receive.
- No, I cannot pay your medical bill for you, even if it has been sent to collections.
- There is nothing I can do to make my boss take your call, so it's voice mail or wishful thinking.

[Broomjockey]

- Yes, the show is sold out.
- Yes, it started 20 minutes ago.
- No, it is not still in previews
- Yes, extra butter costs extra
- No, your 8 year old child can not go watch the nude co-eds get murdered him having a chaperone.
- No, we are not playing that movie
- No, it is not playing at that time
- No, you cannot have a refund because you hated the movie. Get your entertainment value by laughing at the shoddy writing, I don't care.
- Yes, we have thrown out all the popcorn, so you can't have more.
- No, we will not make more.
Because then we're here for an extra hour re-cleaning the popper.
- Yes, you really can't use your spiffy cell phone to record your favourite moments of the movie.


You get the idea.

[BookstoreEscapee]

-No we don't price match.
-...even with our own website.
-We can't ship to a prison (oh, wait, today we can...next week they'll change the rules again...)
-We are not responsible if the prison ships the books back to us.
-You are responsible for coming in and taking care of the books should they be returned to us. We will be happy to give you your money back in that case. That's why we take your phone number.
-I can't give you a discount on that damaged item if there are other perfectly fine copies on the shelf. We will return it to the publisher for a refund.
-If it is the last one I can't take off more than 10%.
-No that book is not in resellable condition, therefore I can't take it back.
-I don't care if you still have your receipt and you didn't read it and it's just been knocking around the backseat of your car for the last 3 months. It still looks like crap.
-That "1 on hand" showing in the computer is a lie. And stop looking over my shoulder.
-That 1 is a special order on hold for someone. No I won't call that person and see if they still want it. They still have a week left on their hold.
-I am not allowed to give out anyone's last name. Especially mine. I am the only person here with my name. They will know who I am. Actually I am one of 2 people I've ever met with my name.
-I am not allowed to give out my coworker's schedule. I know you are a bill collector and I am not going to help you find her. You don't need to be threatening her while she's working.
-We do not sell your address or phone number when you sign up for our member card. The only mail you will get is from us. And no we will not call you. You want to give us a fake number, go ahead. Just don't yell at us when you forget your card and we can't look you up because you can't remember what number you gave us.
-No, Ahab's Coffee employees do not get a discount in our cafe. We are not Ahab's Coffee, we just sell their brand.
-No, you cannot return an opened CD just because you didn't like it. Claiming it's defective when I tell you the policy will just get you an offer of a shiny new copy of the same CD.
-No, I can't take your word for it that you are tax exempt. You need to bring in the form.
-No, you are not tax exempt just for using your teacher discount. You have to use the school's institutional account for that. What, you're not authorized? Too bad.

[Gurndigarn]

"Out of order" means it doesn't work.
Taking the sign off won't fix it.
Significa "No functiona!", damn it.

Yes, it has its good points. But no, it's not the greatest job in the world.
No, not even if you get to play video games for free.
What part of "job" don't you understand?

Yes, ma'am, it was your precious angel who caused the problem.

We are not a daycare, and she is not old enough to be by herself yet.

I'm only an outside contractor, and don't have keys/access to that.

It's a game of skill, and I can't do anything to make it so you win.

We took your favorite game out because it didn't make any money. (Not said: "besides, it was a real stupid game.")

No, I don't know any cheat codes for the game. That's what the internet is for.

[BooBooKitty]

yes, there is meat in the meat sauce

the soups are located on the menu where it says " soup and salad"

the salad is only free if u order a meal

yes, u have to pay for your meal

no, you can not have your baby on the outside of the table in the aisle, it makes it 20 times more
likely a tray full of EXTREMELY hot food to fall on them

No, you're not the only people I'm waiting on

No, I am NOT your waitress

NO, I have no control on how long things take to cook


if you didnt sign the back of your credit card and u dont have an ID I cant accept it

No, I can't give you a discount on your meal because we're out of cappacino

I don't think it's a good idea to leave your 8 year old child as collateral while u go to the atm

[AFpheonix]

The insurance I have on file isn't going through. Yes, I'm sure. Can I see your card? Suprise, you have a new carrier/group/ID #.

Yes, that is your copay. No, I didn't bill incorrectly. You have a deductible you need to meet.

30 minutes is my wait time. No, that's the soonest I can get it done. Why? Because other people got here ahead of you.

No, your doctor hasn't called back yet. Yes, I've faxed them. About 4 times now, and I left a phone message. Perhaps you could call? You may actually get some results.

No, this medication is not covered. I'm not sure why, but if I had to guess, it's because you are 40 years old and getting Retin-A. Yes, that's the price if you want to purchase it now.

This medication was discontinued/back ordered/whatever. Yes, I'm sure I can't get it in anymore. No, I've already called around, no one else has it either. You are welcome to try to find some. I've already sent a note to your doctor to request them to change to something else.

[cpc]

- No, I do not have a co-worker named Discount Dealin' Dan who offered you a free computer.

There's a story there somewhere. Comon! Give!

cpc