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I like making lists of things I hate. It's therapeutic. So for your viewing pleasure:
The Trailers
Customer: I just wanted to know what my balance is...
Me: Sure, let me-
Customer:...because I didn't know if I had a payment due...
Me: Sure, I can help you with-
Customer: ...I don't want to be late...
Me: I can certainly-
Customer: ...don't want to get my service cut off...
The Storytellers
Customer: SoIamnotsurebuttherewasthispersonwhousedtoworkhere andshe-are you following me?
Me: Yes ma'am
Customer: andshetookalltheaccountinfowithherbecauseshehadall kindsofissueswiththebossbutthat'snotreallyyourprob lem-are you following me?
Me: Yes ma'am
Customer:andsoanywayIthinkthisistherightnumberbuti fit'snotIhave500morewecantrybutI'mprettysurethisis itbecauseit'sthemostlogicalone,wellit'snotthemostl ocicalonebutitmakesthemostsenseto-are you following me?
Me: Yes, ma'am
Customer
kaysotheareacodeis665wellactuallyits221butwechange ditlastyearandIdoubtwecalled youtoupdateitso665-
The Pessimists
Customer: You charged me wrong!
Me: Okay, I see we billed you for 3 bottles.
Customer...that's what I got.
Me:...
Customer: So my bill's right?
Me: Well, you stated you did receive three bottles. Do you have additional concerns with the bill?
Customer: No, it's right, but you people never get anything right! My delivery is always late and I hate the President-is it still George Bush? Obama? Don't like that name! Gas prices are too high, this country's going to Hell!
The Scientist
Customer: How did I get algae in my bottle of water? This is disgusting!
Me: Do you store the bottles in the sunlight?
Customer: Yeah, so?
Me: We never recommend that, as this promotes algae growth. We will need to destroy that bottle as our disinfection purposes cannot completely kill algae spores.
Customer: Sunlight on water makes algae? I don't think you know what you're talking about!
or
Customer: Spring water is just tap water!
Me: Actually, we cannot legally promote that spring water is such unless it actually comes from a spring. We have a protected natural spring from which we draw the water. And actually, no bottled water is techinically tap water, which would mean we just fill a bottle with water from the tap. Our purified water is municipal or city water but it undergoes filtration and disinfection with ozonozation and ultraviolet light.
Customer: No, I was watching 20/20 and I know what I'm talking about!
or
Customer: Do your bottles have BPA?
Me: Our three and five gallon bottles are made of polycarbonate plastic of which BPA is a component.
Customer: Yeah, those little tiny water bottles sit in your car in the sun and they gave Sheryl Crow cancer with the BPA!
Me: Actually, our single-serve bottles are made of polyethelyne plastic, better known as PET which does not contain BPA.
Customer: Hey, I know what I'm talking about! My mother-in-law forwarded me an e-mail!
The Queen (or King)
Customer: Call my driver!
Me: I am sorry, we do not call our representatives, as per company policy they cannot answer the phone while driving. I will, however, send him a text message and when he gets to a safe spot, he can read it and will call you back as soon as possible.
Customer: Call him! Call him now!
Me: As I said-
Customer: Everybody else does it for me, do it now!
Me: I'm sorry, I won't be doing that.
Customer: Then get me someone who will.
Me: Well, as there is no one here who would willingly break policy because you want to go pick up your lunch at Checkers and need to know exactly when we will be there...would you like me to hang up on you now? (no, I have never said this, but damnit I want to!)
Note-I do not want to start a BPA or a tap water vs bottled water debate. I just want to vent about my customers and annoying questions they ask.
The Trailers
Customer: I just wanted to know what my balance is...
Me: Sure, let me-
Customer:...because I didn't know if I had a payment due...
Me: Sure, I can help you with-
Customer: ...I don't want to be late...
Me: I can certainly-
Customer: ...don't want to get my service cut off...
The Storytellers
Customer: SoIamnotsurebuttherewasthispersonwhousedtoworkhere andshe-are you following me?
Me: Yes ma'am
Customer: andshetookalltheaccountinfowithherbecauseshehadall kindsofissueswiththebossbutthat'snotreallyyourprob lem-are you following me?
Me: Yes ma'am
Customer:andsoanywayIthinkthisistherightnumberbuti fit'snotIhave500morewecantrybutI'mprettysurethisis itbecauseit'sthemostlogicalone,wellit'snotthemostl ocicalonebutitmakesthemostsenseto-are you following me?
Me: Yes, ma'am
Customer
kaysotheareacodeis665wellactuallyits221butwechange ditlastyearandIdoubtwecalled youtoupdateitso665-The Pessimists
Customer: You charged me wrong!
Me: Okay, I see we billed you for 3 bottles.
Customer...that's what I got.
Me:...
Customer: So my bill's right?
Me: Well, you stated you did receive three bottles. Do you have additional concerns with the bill?
Customer: No, it's right, but you people never get anything right! My delivery is always late and I hate the President-is it still George Bush? Obama? Don't like that name! Gas prices are too high, this country's going to Hell!
The Scientist
Customer: How did I get algae in my bottle of water? This is disgusting!
Me: Do you store the bottles in the sunlight?
Customer: Yeah, so?
Me: We never recommend that, as this promotes algae growth. We will need to destroy that bottle as our disinfection purposes cannot completely kill algae spores.
Customer: Sunlight on water makes algae? I don't think you know what you're talking about!
or
Customer: Spring water is just tap water!
Me: Actually, we cannot legally promote that spring water is such unless it actually comes from a spring. We have a protected natural spring from which we draw the water. And actually, no bottled water is techinically tap water, which would mean we just fill a bottle with water from the tap. Our purified water is municipal or city water but it undergoes filtration and disinfection with ozonozation and ultraviolet light.
Customer: No, I was watching 20/20 and I know what I'm talking about!
or
Customer: Do your bottles have BPA?
Me: Our three and five gallon bottles are made of polycarbonate plastic of which BPA is a component.
Customer: Yeah, those little tiny water bottles sit in your car in the sun and they gave Sheryl Crow cancer with the BPA!
Me: Actually, our single-serve bottles are made of polyethelyne plastic, better known as PET which does not contain BPA.
Customer: Hey, I know what I'm talking about! My mother-in-law forwarded me an e-mail!
The Queen (or King)
Customer: Call my driver!
Me: I am sorry, we do not call our representatives, as per company policy they cannot answer the phone while driving. I will, however, send him a text message and when he gets to a safe spot, he can read it and will call you back as soon as possible.
Customer: Call him! Call him now!
Me: As I said-
Customer: Everybody else does it for me, do it now!
Me: I'm sorry, I won't be doing that.
Customer: Then get me someone who will.
Me: Well, as there is no one here who would willingly break policy because you want to go pick up your lunch at Checkers and need to know exactly when we will be there...would you like me to hang up on you now? (no, I have never said this, but damnit I want to!)
Note-I do not want to start a BPA or a tap water vs bottled water debate. I just want to vent about my customers and annoying questions they ask.
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