Why are you fat?

[Arachne]

Definitely the mother's fault, 1,000%. Yes, the kid is probably going to grow up to be a bratty, nasty adult, but maybe there's a slim change he'll get to be old enough to really look at what he's doing and saying, and become mortified by his own actions.

True story: When I was little, my father was really overweight. Now, my whole family was heavy, due mostly to what we ate, but my father was the heaviest of us. It was really starting to impact his health, and my mother worried. But rather than sit him down and have the "if you have a stroke like your father did, what will happen to your daughter?" talk, which was what eventually worked on him, she decided the best motivation to make him lose weight was to constantly mock him for being fat.

... And to get me to do it, too.

I was a really obliging kid. I wanted -- craved, needed, was addicted to like the worst junkie you can imagine -- approval, especially from my mother. (This is an entirely different rant and belongs on a different message board, mind.) Mocking my father for being fat got her approval. So I did it. A lot. NO ONE ever bothered to tell me that what I was saying was wrong or hurtful. It just never occurred to me, because why would my mother encourage me to do something that hurt people?

It was only after I got in a fight with a classmate and called her fat, and had holy hell descend on me that I started putting things together. I will never, ever, as long as I live forget the look on her face when I said those words.

Anyway, point being, I was almost as bad as this nasty little brat, and I eventually saw the error of my ways, so maybe there's hope for him.

The mother? Not so much.

[NightAngel]

I wasn't there- so I don't know what the Mother's facial expressions were, etc. But I can attest to the fact that occasionally a child can say something that absolutely mortifies you as the parent and you just don't know what to say.

I have also had days where my kids have simply talked so much I've totally zoned them out (not intentionally) and replied with, "Uh-huh" and "I don't kow" without even really hearing them. Sometimes, if I have some problem that is really weighing on me I kind of tune out everyone also. Like I said, not intentionally, just my brain exits without my consent- I'm only human.

[GayleShy]

I actually had a PARENT tell their kid that he couldn't have the piece of junk food he wanted because if he ate it, he'd look like me.

My god in heaven! Parents like that just make me so mad. How does anyone expect kids to be polite if the mothers can't manage to be so? Karma's a bitch, and one day that woman will get her's.

[Kiwi]

My mum once had a co-irker describe someone as "absolutly huge, you know, about your size"
The woman got a written warning and had to write a formal apology and the incident was brought up at the next meeting.... doesnt help when you work for a PC ridden government office.
She has also had a teenage boy come up to her and say "If my mother was as fat as you I would kill myself"

who the hell says stuff like that, I will tell you who, little kids like in the OP's story who grow up with no one correcting them...

[XCashier]

She has also had a teenage boy come up to her and say "If my mother was as fat as you I would kill myself"

To which I might have responded, "If you were my son, I'd let you!" I'd love to see the look on his rude little face...!

It is possible that the mother in the OP was too mortified to come up with a proper response, but she should have said more than:

SC- I don't know why she's fat Sweetie. Let's go.

That sounds to me like she's justifying her child's rudeness.

[DesignFox]

I probably would have been nice to the kid, even if he was being extremely rude...simply because he is a kid. I would not have ignored him when he spoke to me. Whether or not I felt indignant at the mother would depend on her reaction to the situation. In this instance, I think mom was very rude, and it doesn't sound like she was embarrassed in the least about her son's behavior.

I've been in situations where kids have done or said rude things, and I've managed to handle it by being very nice to the child. Mothers will usually give me this embarrassed look, thank me for my patience and reprimand their children later.

Yes, people LOVE when you are nice to their kids.

As a general rule, when you respond and manage to keep your patience, the parents will apologize. (in my experiences, it hasn't been considered appropriate to correct them per se... so you have to be reeeeeeaaaallly creative with your responses). I've come up with some doozies to keep kids happy, or answer them when they don't realize they are being rude.

[AZangel]

I haven't ever had this happen to me at work but when I've been out and about and am getting a bite to eat at the mall. I know I 'm fat. I won't deny it. I've been this way a better part of my life but when you get a couple of tiny little 16 yr olds giggling and looking your direction, you know they ain't giggling about a boy. And the ones that just stare at you when you're out with a friend. It's like 'what? I'm not supposed to have friends?' Or 'tell me something I don't know about myself little girl'. okay. end rant. sorry. I'll shut up now

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Stare back.

Seriously. Why not? Sure, staring at someone is rude. It's rude because it is an intrusion, it makes people uncomfortable.

Why should YOU be the uncomfortable one? Stare back. If they persist, ask them if they lost a bet.

[Primer]

Depending on the tone of the child, I've been known to reply: "yes, I am fat, but you're ugly/rude and I can diet" or "I'm fat??? Oh my gosh!!! when/how did that happen???" or "yes, I'm fat. It's genetics. <shrug>"

[CrazedClerk]

Depending on the tone of the child, I've been known to reply: "yes, I am fat, but you're ugly/rude and I can diet" or "I'm fat??? Oh my gosh!!! when/how did that happen???" or "yes, I'm fat. It's genetics. <shrug>"

Yeah that's a take on a winston churchill quote I think. I've seen people accost overweight people with "why don't you lose some weight?!" or "how did you let yourself get that way?!"

Unfortunately most folks don't realize that many overweight people did not get that way by being lazy and that losing weight is a long and slow road.

[zzapp the witch]

Kinkoid reminded me of something my dad did/does. County Fair, two young teenage lovers rolling around in the grass, making out in a crowded grassy park. My dad was walking by them and stopped. And stared. And watched.........

Finally: "WTF you lookin at?"

"Oh, I thought you wanted me to watch."

"WTF gave you that idea, you pervert?!"

"Well, you're doing it out in the open for everyone to see."

They stopped. And hopefully took their full on gropefest somewhere private.

My cousin D came up from Georgia to visit. In my grandmother's words she's "well-fed". In the scale's numbers it says she tops 400 lbs. That whole side of the family's like that. She was walking the mall with us (despite her girth, the woman is actually quite healthy), and was being stared at and followed by some teenagers. After a few minutes, she walked up to them with her hand out and said, "That'll be two dollars, please."

"What for?"

"For watching the freak show, zzapp doesn't work for free ( WTF, cuz!), and if you throw in another buck, I'll sing at the end of the show."

I'll be damned if that kid didn't fork over two bucks. D bought me a cookie.

[ArenaBoy]

There is a person that is a regular in my mother's suite. She is overweight but it's heriditary and she takes good care of herself and is quite healthy. Due to her size, she has accomadations made. One night, she came in and said hi to my mother. My mom was then taking her to her usual spot, next to the spot sat Mr. Asshole. Mr. Asshole made a comment along the lines of "I don't have to move do I?!" Not very subtle and pretty much hurt the regular's feelings that she was crying. Right then and there, my mom asked who he was a guest of, and then threw him out. Mr. Asshole is banned from the suite as of now thankfully.

[XCashier]

I had a word about it with a few of my classmates, and one or two of them started going to the gym with her. Then a few more. Soon, there were at least a dozen of us, running on treadmills, working on stair steppers and rowing machines and lifting weights right alongside her. We were always talking and messing around and having fun, and after awhile she said that with all of us there for company, half the time she didn't even really realise she was exercising. She started joining us in the pool and playing basketball with us, too, so all that time she spent playing, she was actually getting pretty thorough workouts.

At the end of our first year together in college, she had dropped nearly 200 lbs. The rest of us had lost quite a bit of weight also. We were probably the fittest class to graduate from our program ever!

Bless you! You showed kindness to someone who needed it, helped her with her motivation, and you all benefitted! Kudos for being such a good friend.

[friendofjimmyk]

[tollbaby]

I've been overweight since puberty. An eating disorder (binge eating, and yes, it's just as much an eating disorder as bulimia or anorexia...) and severe arthritis since age 6 conspire so that at age 31, I weigh about 280 lbs (I was up to 300 a few months ago, but managed to lose a bit).

Back when I lived with my husband, I joined the local YMCA and started going once or twice a week for workouts. I was fine the first three visits, because I was with a trainer, and was more focused on what she was teaching me than the other people in the gym. It was after the trainer sessions were over that things became uncomfortable. I tried to join one of the aerobics classes, but it became obvious very quickly that I wouldn't be able to keep up (beginner aerobics, and I was the only one over 150 lbs in the class, and the only one who was panting). I also started to notice during cross-training that I was the only person in the gym who wasn't perfectly formed and that a lot of the guys would nudge each other snickering when they looked over at me. After leaving the gym in tears one day because someone made a snarky comment about me finally getting my fat ass off the machine he'd been waiting for, I never went back. People are effing cruel.

My now ex-husband didn't see why he should have to leave his nice warm computer chair to come outside walking with me, and he figured that if I really wanted to exercise, I'd do it by myself. Because of the arthritis, there are days where I can't even get out of bed without wincing in pain (heck, some days, I can't get up at all)... I know it's worse due to the weight, but it also makes it more difficult to exercise regularly, since it's erratic, and will often be worse after exercise.

People used to make comments where I worked in an office on the 2nd floor because I'd often take the elevator up. No, I'm not lazy. I am physically unable to use stairs some days. (makes getting up to my 2nd floor apartment interesting sometimes). But people just assume. They can't relate to being 100 or 150 lbs overweight, so to them it's unreasonable. I've mainly got the eating disorder under control these days. I still slip sometimes, but not often. I still get nasty comments, and they still hurt (especially from my dad, another very long story I won't tell here). People are just such jerks sometimes.