I'm not hitting on you, and others

[cybiko123]

I've been saving a few stories from the last two weeks; some are just...wow.

I'm not hitting on you!

Me: Thanks for calling [us], this is [me]. How can I help you?
SC: My phone doesn't work.
Me: I'm sorry to hear that. Can I get your phone number please?
SC: *long pause* Excuse me?!
Me: Is something wrong, ma'am?
SC: You've known me for less than 30 seconds and already you're hitting on me?! I'm reporting you, you dirtbag.
Me: Sorry for the confusion, ma'am. I need your phone number to look up your account. If you're uncomfortable with that, I can also look it up by account number or address.
SC: Yeah right! You're just a dirty little scumbag. Fuck you! *click*
Me: Ooohkaayyy...?


CST, how I hate thee

Me: Thanks for calling [us], this is [me]. How can I help you?
SC: Yeah, it says my account has been suspended?
Me: Alright, can I get your phone number please?
SC: 123-456-7890
Me: OK, it looks like your account has been suspended for non-payment.
SC: You guys said this was free!
Me: No, we said the first month is free. After that, there's a monthly fee of $xx.yy.
SC: But I'm still in the first month!
Me: Let's see then...it looks like you signed up in February?
SC: Yeah?
Me: Right. Well now it's May. That's three months later. Also, it looks like we sent you a bill in March, April, and a few days ago in May.
SC: But I don't follow your calendar!
Me: ....sorry?
SC: I don't follow your calendar. For me, it's February 17th.
Me: Unfortunately, we only follow the standard US calendar, so those are valid charges.
SC: I didn't know that!
Me: Also, it looks like you called in several times about this problem, and every time, every person told you the same thing.
SC: *click*


The return of the...whackjob?

Me: Thanks for calling [us], this is [me]. How can I help you?
SC: Want phone! Jessica!
Me: Oh great... Hi Jessica, good news! Phone service is now available.
SC: .......?
Me: ......?
SC: Want phone?
Me: Yes, you can have it. Let's try this. Where do you live?
SC: *something unintelligible*, Trafalmadore.
Me: Scary, so this thing can actually read? Uhhh...alright...how about this. Is the number you're calling from the number you want to use with us?
SC: Yes.
Me: Alright, it looks like that number belongs to Atlanta, GA?
SC: Atl---atlan---atlanta?
Me: ....yes?
SC: ..............*click*

[AquaGirl]

Noooo! I am uncomfortably close to Atlanta, she might be contaigious!

[Argabarga]

Wow, sensitive much? (the first person, obviously)

[Moirae]

......... I'm trying so hard not to burst into laughter so I don't disturb my coworkers that I'm crying.

[chainedbarista]

SC: But I don't follow your calendar!
Me: ....sorry?
SC: I don't follow your calendar. For me, it's February 17th.

what calendar is this?? sounds like it defies the time/space continuum...

[lineswine]

She n the "uberr - sheshul "fu-quit" calendar.
Say it together...she's a fu-quit!

[Caractacus_Potts]

SC: You've known me for less than 30 seconds and already you're hitting on me?! I'm reporting you, you dirtbag.

I sometimes read the fast food section of ripoffreports for the laughs (90% of the people who write a report about a fast food place are complete morons and it can be quite funny to read their rants).

There is one woman from FL (named Jessica now that I think of it) who writes complaints about every fast food place she goes to because every male is hitting on her and making rude sexual remarks/gestures and every female is outright rude to her because they are jealous of her beauty (I'm not paraphrasing this shit - this is what she writes).

I don't suppose this SC lives in FL, does she?

[MoonCat]

Oh lord, those people are SPECIAL, all right. Geeeeez.

[Kristev]

How on earth can these beings even figure out how to use a telephone?

[PepperElf]

SC: My phone doesn't work.

I'm betting the phone works perfectly... it's just that no one wants to call the SC.

Me: Also, it looks like you called in several times about this problem, and every time, every person told you the same thing.

Looks like they got caught on their own scam attempt. Like the people who claim "turn my phone back on, I need it... Mom's in the hospital!"... and you reply "The same mother who's died twice and been buried this year?"

SC: Want phone! Jessica!

I think some of my brain cells just died.