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I figured for my first SC post I'd give a couple WTF?! stories and 2 of my favorites from time as a security lead at a Salt Lake haunted house.
A little backstory on the Castle, first off: The owner is a buddy of mine, has been for a lot of years now. We've LARPed together, we've drunk together, we've wandered drunkenly through the haunt at after parties trying to find the snack bar to raid for goodies. Good times for the most part.
So when he asks me to take the most sensative parking lot position, partly for my people skills and energy and party for my ability to stop horrendous vehicle incidents from happening, I jump up and say "Sure, why not?" despite the job paying nearly nothing, it's for a friend, and something I enjoy.
And thus began the pain.....
My favorite visitors included...
I'll only be a minute
This non customer is close to my heart, since they are ALWAYS the rides for actualy customers. Their favorite hobby is blocking my entrance and/or exit, causing a backlogs of vehicles each way, and ALWAYS look offended when I tell them that they can't park in a high traffic area because "they'll only be a minute", never mind the line of cars that are rapidly building up
WHAT exit only sign?
Two clearly marked lanes on opposite sides of the lot, one "Enter here" and one "Exit Only" with big white signes and neon red lettering.
Easy enough, right? You'd think so except for the "But I'm in a HURRY" whiners, the apparently sign blind and the ones who just don't care and think that by whipping in th eexit and magically NOT hitting a pedestrian or an ongoing car they'll skip the line.
You're NOT a babysitter service!?
Yeah....anyone who works retail knows the drill on this one.
Our final winner is the type that I had to be called off of front lot duties several times to assist inside security with, that's Mister Grabby.
Now, Mister Grabby is a wonderful individual, and comes in all ages and background. Apparently female actors are there to be grabbed, groped and all because they work in a haunted house. After all, if they didn't want to be grabbed, why did they have breasts? Logic here, people!
Oddly enough, Mister Grabby and his like minded brethren vanished FAST when word got around that the big guy on the front (me) was only backup to the Sherrifs deputies who, under updated Haunt rules, were being allowed to openly carry their firearms along with their badges.
And now, the happy story!
I decided that 37 was old enough for the long, wet hours, and the wife got more than a little pissed at me vanishing for 3 months a year with little to show for it (Full time job + the haunt), so I said my goodbyes, but still helped out with special events whenever possible, and am offered the occasional walkthrough during the season on slow nights. One night I show up, head out back with the wife when a car comes whipping around the back lotthe wrong way, doing around 20 or so (VERY dangerous in a one lane, small parking lot). Before Speedy can hit someone like my WIFE, I smack the side window and yell "YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!!".
Now imagine my surprise when out of this car jumps a 5 foot nothing woman dressed like an off duty snowboarder who begins screaming at the tops of her lungs
SC:"You people have been harrassing me ALL night!" begins yelling screaming, jumping up and slamming into my chest while crying out "You hit me! I'm calling the police! You hit me with witnesses!"
Me: Okay, first off you driving at high speed the WRONG WAY through this lot, you nutty bitch! And I can call you a nutty bitch because I
!!
SC: I'm calling the police!
At this point, 2 things happen: The aforementioned loon jumps into her car and starts talking into her smart phone. Not turning it on, mind you, just...talking. the second thing is that one of the deputies walks around the side of the building, whereupon I get the extreme satisfaction of knocking on her window and going "Ma'am? You wnated a cop? There's one now."
Her eyes go to his badge, his security shirt, back to the badge..and GONE.
I was happy. I danced. The security guard was jealous that after all of those years I was finally able to tell one of these "Me first" jackholes what I really thought of em.
A little backstory on the Castle, first off: The owner is a buddy of mine, has been for a lot of years now. We've LARPed together, we've drunk together, we've wandered drunkenly through the haunt at after parties trying to find the snack bar to raid for goodies. Good times for the most part.
So when he asks me to take the most sensative parking lot position, partly for my people skills and energy and party for my ability to stop horrendous vehicle incidents from happening, I jump up and say "Sure, why not?" despite the job paying nearly nothing, it's for a friend, and something I enjoy.
And thus began the pain.....
My favorite visitors included...
I'll only be a minute
This non customer is close to my heart, since they are ALWAYS the rides for actualy customers. Their favorite hobby is blocking my entrance and/or exit, causing a backlogs of vehicles each way, and ALWAYS look offended when I tell them that they can't park in a high traffic area because "they'll only be a minute", never mind the line of cars that are rapidly building up
WHAT exit only sign?
Two clearly marked lanes on opposite sides of the lot, one "Enter here" and one "Exit Only" with big white signes and neon red lettering.
Easy enough, right? You'd think so except for the "But I'm in a HURRY" whiners, the apparently sign blind and the ones who just don't care and think that by whipping in th eexit and magically NOT hitting a pedestrian or an ongoing car they'll skip the line.
You're NOT a babysitter service!?
Yeah....anyone who works retail knows the drill on this one.
Our final winner is the type that I had to be called off of front lot duties several times to assist inside security with, that's Mister Grabby.
Now, Mister Grabby is a wonderful individual, and comes in all ages and background. Apparently female actors are there to be grabbed, groped and all because they work in a haunted house. After all, if they didn't want to be grabbed, why did they have breasts? Logic here, people!
Oddly enough, Mister Grabby and his like minded brethren vanished FAST when word got around that the big guy on the front (me) was only backup to the Sherrifs deputies who, under updated Haunt rules, were being allowed to openly carry their firearms along with their badges.
And now, the happy story!
I decided that 37 was old enough for the long, wet hours, and the wife got more than a little pissed at me vanishing for 3 months a year with little to show for it (Full time job + the haunt), so I said my goodbyes, but still helped out with special events whenever possible, and am offered the occasional walkthrough during the season on slow nights. One night I show up, head out back with the wife when a car comes whipping around the back lotthe wrong way, doing around 20 or so (VERY dangerous in a one lane, small parking lot). Before Speedy can hit someone like my WIFE, I smack the side window and yell "YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!!".
Now imagine my surprise when out of this car jumps a 5 foot nothing woman dressed like an off duty snowboarder who begins screaming at the tops of her lungs
SC:"You people have been harrassing me ALL night!" begins yelling screaming, jumping up and slamming into my chest while crying out "You hit me! I'm calling the police! You hit me with witnesses!"
Me: Okay, first off you driving at high speed the WRONG WAY through this lot, you nutty bitch! And I can call you a nutty bitch because I
!!SC: I'm calling the police!
At this point, 2 things happen: The aforementioned loon jumps into her car and starts talking into her smart phone. Not turning it on, mind you, just...talking. the second thing is that one of the deputies walks around the side of the building, whereupon I get the extreme satisfaction of knocking on her window and going "Ma'am? You wnated a cop? There's one now."
Her eyes go to his badge, his security shirt, back to the badge..and GONE.
I was happy. I danced. The security guard was jealous that after all of those years I was finally able to tell one of these "Me first" jackholes what I really thought of em.
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