Regular burger.

[MMATM]

Lace, I am simultaneously ashamed and appalled, but the giddy-little-schoolboy side of me is giggling in the back of the classroom with his hands over his mouth while trying to look like he's taking notes.

Similarly, Bagel Hell had no American cheese, nor yellow mustard. It was surprising how many people thought Dijon mustard and yellow mustard were the same thing. Everyone asked for American cheese and "regular" mustard, so I usually ended up giving them cheddar and Dijon.
Also (trying to avoid the total threadjack) people always used to ask for a vegetarian sandwich (or other sandwich) with "everything" on it. This usually meant that they were too lazy to say "lettuce, tomato, onions, and mayo/mustard/hummus" but I used to ask individually "would you like [sprouts/onions/tomato/lettuce/mayo/mustard/hummus/hots/avocado/cheese/etc etc etc]" Nobody every wanted everything. Ever. They wanted more than just lettuce and tomato, was what they meant.
And everyone got mad that I was asking them so many questions, but you'd just bet they'd go looking for their money back if I gave them what they ordered.

[PW_Elle]

Dry Burger.

When someone would order a regular burger in the burger joint where I worked, I had a code...

RBC: Regular burger customer
Me: Me

RBC: I just want a regular burger.
Me: Okay, you'd like a plain, dry burger with no toppings or cheese?
RBC: Yes. Well, except for ketchup.
Me: We don't put ketchup on the burgers, it is on the table, so you can put as much on as you like.
RBC: Okay
Me: Fries is included in the price for our plain hamburger. Would you like those on the same plate or on the side? (I didn't even give them a choice of whether they want them or not, because they get charged either way).
RBC: Uh, on the same plate I guess.

End of story. Still just as long, but they don't treat you like an idiot if you automatically interpret their "regular burger" as a plain, dry burger. It was easier.

-Elle

[myswtghst]

Mmmm....Tillamook. They sell it in big ol blocks at Costco around here, and I'll just eat it with bread or crackers and call it a meal. It's AMAZING on burgers.

I've always been a big fan of just spelling out what I want with/on my burger, so no one gets confused. I know that different people and different restaurants have different ideas about what a "regular" burger is, so I just state exactly what I want, especially if I've never been there before and don't know what their standard toppings are. Common sense, people, please!

[Sonoma]

They're a state away from fabulous Tillamook and their tasty dairy products, and they want squeeze cheez?

(channeling Homer Simpson) MMMM, Tillamook Cheese. 2 more weeks and I get to go to the Tillamook Cheese Factory & have some nummy ice cream.....

Back on-topic, I have to agree that it was fun trying to figure out if someone wanted the 99-cent cheeseburger, or the insert-official-burger-name-here burger, whenever they would ask for a 'cheeseburger'.

[BookstoreEscapee]

I was right!

OK, if I want a just a burger with nothing but the bun, that would be a "plain burger"

A "regular burger" would seem to be a burger with whatever the particular restaurant puts on their standard, basic burger. After all, if you went into McDonalds and ordered a "regular" hamburger, you'd get ketchup, mustard, onions, and pickles (mmm, pickles...damn, now I want one. tonight might be one of those rare McDonald's nights...)

Hehehe...I'm quoting myself...I went to McD's tonight cuz I just put myself in the mood with that post and I was at the mall....

Anyway, I ordered a hamburger and fries, and they gave me a cheeseburger. No biggie...it still has pickles so I was

And the guy at the next register had his little boy with him, and asked for "a hamburger with nothing on it" and the cashier repeated back to him "ok, so that's just a plain hamburger?"

See? Simple.

[ArenaBoy]

Plus it always goes runny when we put it on the burgers.

Wenslydale: It's..ah,.....it's a bit runny...

Customer: Oh, I like it runny.

Wenslydale: Well,.. It's very runny, actually, sir.

Customer: No matter. Fetch hither the fromage de la Belle France! Mmmwah!

Wenslydale: I...think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir.

Customer: I don't care how fucking runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.


I'm sorry but I couldn't resist.

[TruthHurts]

I ran into that soo often working fast food.

SC: I want just a Whopper plain
Me: So a Whopper with nothing on it
SC: No I want condiments on it
Me: So a Whopper with just mayo and ketchup
SC: That's what I mean when it says plain.


Sometimes I think I need a to write the first SC to Employee translation dictionary.

[Spiffy McMoron]

Sometimes I think I need a to write the first SC to Employee translation dictionary.

That would be too tough to translate. What we really need is a babelfish.

[Salesmonkey]

Stinky cheeses!

Your regular burgers and the SC who order them are blatantly unfair to those of us who enjoy the more outre cheese offerings....

I have a Stilton festering at the bottom of my fridge that tries to bite me when I attempt to carve a chunk off of him. The only thing that kept me from buying a Limburger when I was visiting my relatives for Christmas was that I didn't want to ruin their Christmas with something they would only associate with stinky feet.

Here's my cheese wants list. If you hate them, fine. Do your own thing. If you love stinky cheeses, please let me know about others.

double cream glouchester
drunken goat (is that a trade name or a varietal name?)
Manheinenheim blu reserve
Maytag Blue
Cougar Gold Cheddar (from an American university dairy)

[greensinestro]

See, I would have just said "Okay" to the "I want a regular burger" bullshit here. Just two buns, both top and bottom, and the meat. Then see what he does. And when he said "I WANT A REGULAR BURGER" after you asked him if he wanted fries with that, I would have just brought him the fries anyway if your menu advertises that all sandwiches come with them. It's not as if french fries are a part of a hamburger topping anyway. It sounds like this guy just was testing to see if you were intelligent or stupid, and had nothing better to be doing anyway.

In defense of "I want a regular burger" here, I have a cousin who is about a week older than me, and what a pain in the ass she was when we would go to McDonald's. Twenty some odd years ago, fast food restaurants normally did not cook your food while you waited. You often saw sandwiches that were under a heat lamp and sometimes had been there for a while. If you wanted a cheeseburger, the person would just grab one from the heatlamp and bring it to you. Back then, my cousin would always order a "regular hamburger", or as she put it, a "plain hamburger", and you had to wait forever being they had to take out fresh meat that was still frozen, wait for them to cook it, then have it served with nothing on it. What a pain the ass that was.

Sometimes I think I need a to write the first SC to Employee translation dictionary.

Nah, you just need to develop ESP and be able to read minds!

[Sofar]

Twenty some odd years ago, fast food restaurants normally did not cook your food while you waited. You often saw sandwiches that were under a heat lamp and sometimes had been there for a while. If you wanted a cheeseburger, the person would just grab one from the heatlamp and bring it to you.

There's a place that still does that around here, called Dick's. I like that place, you get your food just like that.

[chainedbarista]

OOOH! another dick's fan (sadly, they don't exist here in so cal )! i miss those lovely little things (so does my son) something terrible; that says a great deal, since i don't care for burgers much to begin with.

maybe instead of 'regular,' they should say 'plain,' since that decribes it much better. greensinestro's cousin has the right of things, i think.

oh, the not so glorious days of heat lamp warmed food like products...

[TruthHurts]

There's a place that still does that around here, called Dick's. I like that place, you get your food just like that.

Oh I miss that place when I lived in Seattle I went there once a week. One of the best burger places to go to.

[Estil]

I once had a customer (back in my food service days) ask for "a cheeseburger, with no cheese." No joke!

[ditchdj]

Ahhhh yes. More unpleasant flashbacks to my fast-food days. Gotta love those "regular customers" that answer everything in one word: Regular. Kinda like playing a tape of the word "regular" on an endless loop over the drive-thru speaker.

"What size Coke?"
"Regular"
"We have small, medium, and large?"
"Regular"
"What kind of hamburger did you want?"
"Regular"

Kinda makes you wanna "regularly" give them a regular smack upside their regular head doesnt it!