The top ten things you would love to say at work.

[PW_Elle]

My Top Ten

10. We did not "miss" your trash. There is no way we drove down the street and got EVERYONE else's and missed yours. YOU put it out late.

9. If it is your regularly scheduled pickup day, we ARE coming to pick up your dumpster. Stop calling me.

8. If you called me yesterday to schedule a special pickup, you ARE on the schedule.

7. No, we will not clear the snow/ice/trash/dead cats from in front of your dumpster so we can empty it. You do it.

6. If your gates are locked, we will not empty your dumpster. Period. And if we have to come back, then we will charge you extra.

5. I don't care how much trash service was in 1992. I don't care that it's gone up since then. I cannot haggle, nor do I want to.

4. Screw off.

3. Talking to a supervisor won't solve anything. They'll just back me up, because they KNOW I was not rude to you. And you'll end up having to apologize to me! (Thank you, Darrell)

2. When I say I only have one size of construction can available, that's all I have. Sighing, crying, banging on the desk, yelling at me... those things do not work. In fact, I want to help you less when that happens.

1. I don't get paid enough to listen to your foul mouth.

[csdrone]

My Top 10:

1. NO
2. I do not care how long you have been a customer. You are a shitty customer and we are better off without your worthless ass. Buh Bye!
3. NO I will NOT take your worthless ID. YOUR lack of preparation is NOT MY ISSUE: I need valid ID you raving moron!
4-10 extreme swearing in several languages

[myswtghst]

10. (This is actually a sign on my desk) I'll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.
9. Yes, sir, I am actually trying to give you a hard time. I was just kidding about needing that account information. Let's just make something up, see how it works out for us.
8. No, I can't read your mind, and I rather think I wouldn't want to anyways. It seems like it might be dark and scary in there.
7. Yes, you can talk to my supervisor, but he too will realize that you're wrong.
6. In this case, the customer is, in fact, wrong. I am right.
5. (In response to "Well I didn't need that last time!) Yes, you did, or else you weren't talking to us.
4. You, sir or madam, are a liar.
3. If you honestly think that your sticky-buttoned mouse is an emergency that cannot wait til tomorrow, you are an idiot.
2. Me: You have the wrong number. SC: Are you sure this isn't ****? Me: Nah, I was just kidding. I just don't feel like doing any work today
1. Or....Wow, maybe you're right. Maybe I just forgot where I work.

[XCashier]

8. No, I can't read your mind, and I rather think I wouldn't want to anyways. It seems like it might be dark and scary in there.

That's a good one!

[DarthRetard]

I wish I could just have a few South Park moments:

10. Taking yo fudgin ass, get yo fudgin self and get, the fudge, OUT!

9. I will kick you square in the nuts!

8. I'll rochambeau(sp?) you for it.

7. That's because your family's poor.

6. You go to hell! You go to hell and you die!

5. Well there you are. You are the retarded offspring of five monkeys having buttsex with a fish-squirrel.

4. Mmmkaaaay.....

3. Screw you guys...I'm going home.

2. Me, hyah! You? hyah...

1. Respect Mah Authoritah! *followed by beating with a nightstick.*

My thanks to Mr(Mrs.) Garrison and Eric Cartman for these wonderful quotes.

[DesignFox]

"Screw you guys, I'm going home"

ooooh I like that one...

[Getoutofmylobby]

Only one thing:

F--- You! <unplugs phone>

[Becks]

You know, I thought of at least ten more things to add while I was at work. I'm home now and have forgotten what I wanted to add!!!!!

[pookalamouche]

What are the things you would love to say at work, either to the management or the customers?

10. I cannot serve you as you are obviously too drunk or too stupid to be further handicapping yourself with alcohol

9. Just because I serve you drinks does not mean I want to stop and chat to you about your sister's husband's mother's dog when I'm not working... or when I am for that matter

8. Stop being a tight ass; if you order all the drinks in one go; pay for them in one go! Don't make your friends come up and shovel out their pennies because you don't want to split a £20

7. Last Orders is 10:55, Time is 11:00. You know this, I know you know this because I shout it loud enough. Don't pull the hurt puppydog look when I dont give you another round of beers at 5 past. Unlike you I am stone cold sober, not having a great time and I wanna go home!

6. For the love of God DON'T wear see through tops with a ratty old bra when you're SEVENTY!!!!! (oh yes, ex/still working girl, you see 'em all at my place)

5. If you don't know what you want, f@%& off until you do! Don't waste my time standing there asking me what you want to drink, how the hell should I know?!

4. You can see I'm the only person here, I'm rushing my ass off, tapping your glass on the counter will not make me go any faster

3. Don't piss and moan when I ask for ID, you have your wallet out anyway. It's not like I'm asking for French truffles picked at midnight during a full moon, you have you ID in your wallet, which is in your freaking hand!

2. Stop leaving the door open!! It's February! Would you leave the door open at home? No, I don't think you would.

1. If you must use our facilities for a 'number two', please please use the air freshener, thats what we bought it for. Do you really think I like catching a lungful of that unholy guff when I have to clear up? Please show a little consideration people!

[Amethyst Hunter]

10. Go away.

9. Go away.

8. STFU.

7. I don't give a damn.

6. Bitch, you WILL NOT bust out that $100 bill for your $2.98 purchase when I'm low on change. You will walk your ass over to that bank across the street there and get you some smaller-size bills. Don't come back till you do!

5. I am not your honey, sweetie, babydoll, sugarpie, etc.

4. GET OFF YOUR GODDAMN CELL PHONE.

3. GET OFF YOUR GODDAMN CELL PHONE.

2. How the fuck should I know??

1. GO AWAY!!


And these are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head...

[AFpheonix]

1) If you want me to have the till all pretty and organized, how about you come back here and get the goddamn customers off my back for a second so I can get that done?

2)You, narcotic scammer, go do us a favor and drown yourself.

3) You want to wait for a refill/rx dated 3 days ago? Why didn't you call this in/drop it off yesterday for pickup for today? Is is that hard to pick up the phone/click a mouse button when you see you're getting low? Seriously. I got sick people waiting, you are NOT a priority.

4) Does this look like a freaking Mexican bazaar to you? No? Then why are you trying to haggle a shorter wait time? The wait time is the wait time. Go away.

5) Yes, I know it's expensive. No, I don't care.


Eh....

[iradney]

10. how many times must I flush before you go away?

9. I know I have a nice voice. That doesn't mean you have to tell me your life story about how everyone in your family died/killed themselves/support the losing rugby team

8. Just because I'm female doesn't mean I'm the receptionist - I am qualified to assist you, you small-minded *bleep bleep*

7. I know I have a nice voice - that doesn't give you the right to try and pick me up. Ew!

6. Would it kill you to say "Hello" before launching into your demands?

5. Would it kill you to say "Please" while listing your demands?

4. Would it kill you to say "Goodbye" before hanging up?

3. I cannot help you with that. Our company didn't manufacture that product, and if we don't make money from it, we can't support it. No, I will still not help you with it!

2. I sent you the settings FIVE MINUTES AGO. Exercise some *bleeping* patience!

1. Just because your phone cannot access internet doesn't mean that life as you know it is now at an end. The majority of the population on this continent don't even have running water and you are having a hissy fit that you cannot download some golf game on your mobile??

I'm starting to hate the people I have to deal with...*sigh* the Stupidity Virus has struck large sections of our Population lately

[RichS]

From my former (thank goodness!) #1 SC:

On the phone:

1. This is the 5th time you've called in the last 2 minutes. What of "*My boss* isn't here' didn't you understand???

2. No, I don't know how to use Powerpoint.

3. Powerpoint costs money, it's not free. No, I don't have any 'spare copies' I can give you. No, I won't install my personal copy of Office on your system so you can have Powerpoint.

4. I work on your system, you get charged labor. No, I won't work on your system for free. My boss did that as a one-time favor. (and how I wish he hadn't... )

5. I'm sorry if you think it's unfair we charge for service. You want your system fixed, we want money.

In the store:

6. The price for *item* is the price for *item*.

7. No, I won't sell you *item* for *ridiculous price*. It's the price it's marked.

8. No, I won't give you *item* for free.

9. No, I don't have any used *item* in the 'back' that I can give you.

10. I don't care that you can get *item* for cheaper somewhere else. It's the price it's marked here. No, you cannot use our phone to call *competitor* to get a price on *item*.

I'm so glad I don't have to deal with him anymore.

[derangedperson]

I actually said this.

SC: I'm never ordering from you again!
Me: Okay. See you next week!

Sorry, can't think of ten.

[Argabarga]

10. Do I look like I can change the retail, wholesale or MSRP of anything on the shelf? Do I? I hate paying a lot for stuff too, what makes you think I'm some different species of human who enjoys having to pay more for somthing that I'd like to?

9. And I'd like a pony, but it aint' gonna happen

8. Does it hurt being that stupid?

7. There are these great things called eyes, they let you find things, please make at least a token effort at using yours before you try to borrow the services of mine

6. Wow, look how much I care, oops, lost it

5. Compared to those in the world who are starving, sick or just got shot for thier beliefs, don't you think it's a bit arrogant to be complaining about that?

4. Do you think I stay up at night trying to come up with ways to deny you service? If I say it can't be done, it can't be done

3. With an attitude like that, I wonder how many people are going to show up at your funeral for anything other than the reading of the will.

2. No, I just impersonate an employee by wearing this shirt, holding this $1500 scanning gun and walking around random aisles tagging things that don't have tags.

1. Get off that cell phone, if the person on the other end isn't bleeding in splurts, they can wait