How to make ordering delivery food hard

[DGoddessChardonnay]

I'd suggest looking at your driver's license or State ID, but you're so thick you might've put down the wrong address or forgotten to update it after your fifth move.

That is, if they can even see the street numbers and/or the street sign in the dark. . .

BTW, I like the online ordering. Tried that the last time we decided on pizza for dinner and picked it up. Easy breezy.

[Andara Bledin]

3) Yeah, your apartment number would help. (Easily cleared up with a phone call. Well, with normal people.)

The boyfriend did that last time we ordered Chinese food. But since we were, like, home and stuff, a quick call cleared it all up.

When I get there and you tell me I got your order wrong, I'm gonna have to disagree.

I got an Internet order wrong, once. But before I called up the store to complain, I went and actually checked what the confirmation email said I had ordered. And, since what I had gotten was exactly what the confirmation said I was getting, I sucked it up and had my pizza with no cheese at all instead of the double cheese I had thought I was asking for.

It wasn't all that bad, really.

I could actually go on, but consider it rude to make your scrollbar shrink down that small.

Oh, don't let that stop you.

We're actually fans of long posts here.

^-.-^

[xaenon]

Just so you know, I'm sending YOU the bill for the therapy I'm gonna need now.

For the last 20 or so years, I'd managed to blissfully forget much of the suck associated with pizza delivery. And now I gotta go get a lobotomy or something.

I remember so much of this sort of shit!

My delivery area was bad for people not answering the door. You'd ring the bell, you'd knock, you'd ring and knock some more, and you'd get no response. Cell phones weren't as common then because they were really expensive, so I'd have to haul on down to the nearest phone booth and call from there. But, that only worked about half the time, so I'd often have to take the food back to the store in the hopes that somebody would eventually say to themselves, "Hey, didn't I order food?" and call. Then they'd be all bent out of shape because now their food is past the time-quote, and other happy horseshit.

Usually, they'd give some sort of excuse like it's somehow going to justify their idiocy. Here are just a few of those excuses, the ones that still stand out, anyway:

1. Me and the ol' lady were 'knockin' boots'.

Okay, that's A) inappropriate, seeing as she's standing RIGHT THERE, and B) WAY too much information, and C) irrelevant. YOU ordered the food, YOU knew about what time it be here, and it's because of YOU that I had to make two trips. What's that? The food's late and it's cold? And whose fault, exactly, IS that? What's that? You want me to take the food back, have the order remade, and make a THIRD trip out here? At NO COST. Better check the weather in hell first, chief. You ain't payin'? Then you ain't eatin'. Welcome to the black list, fucktard.

2. I turned off my hearing aid.

Well, that seems like a good move, doesn't it? You order food, and then you disable the only means I have to attract your attention when I get here. AND you can't hear the phone ring, either. What exactly did you think was going to happen?

3. I went to the store for a pack of smokes.

This one goes WAY beyond idiocy. Allow me to explain. You ordered food, then decided to have a nicotine fit so severe that you just HAD to get into the car and run to the store right around the time you've been told your food would arrive. Now, that's pretty bad as it is, but your particular case is even MORE lackwit - because, you see, the only convenience store open for like six miles at this unholy hour is located....drum roll please .... RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO THE RESTAURANT . We literally share a parking lot! So, at roughly the time I'm knocking on your door with your dinner, you're about 30 feet from the front door of the restaurant! You could have saved us both a lot of grief and saved yourself a couple of bucks by just picking the damned thing up. All it would have taken was a phone call to change the order to pickup. Oh, I forgot, that requires something called PLANNING - which you've already demonstrated you SUCK at.

4. I thought you were the cops!

As a general rule, cops don't drive beat-up old Chevy pickups, dress in a T-shirt with the name of my restaurant on it, or carry a 12x12 cardboard container that looks suspiciously like a pizza box. Plus, it was a real smooth move to douse all the lights in the house and pretend nobody's home AFTER I knock on the door. Just a bit of advice for ya, chief - if you're THAT paranoid of being arrested, you should either give up your life of crime, or forget ordering delivered food altogether.

5. I got tired of waiting, so I ordered from another restaurant.

Okay, how do you get tired of waiting - especially when I was actually EARLY? And for what reason does that excuse not answering the door when I knocked earlier? And WHY, precisely, did you call back wondering where you food was if you've ordered from somewhere else? Is there another pizza driver on his way here right now with food that you're going to refuse?

[Racket_Man]

:Oh, don't let that stop you.

We're actually fans of long posts here.

^-.-^

hello SJ from a fellow delivery driver here.

as for the customer NOT answering the door when knocked upon or the doorbell rug, or deciding to NOT be present when the roder shows up, read this post I made about 6 weeks ago
http://www.customerssuck.com/board/s...ad.php?t=78396


oh and we do not mind long posts. some of the stupidity and the frequency of said dumbassness just demands long posts.

[EricKei]

I can add a couple: Do not...

- Hop into the shower after 20 minutes when we told you the pizza will be there in 30

- Go to the grocery for a FULL-ON SHOPPING TRIP five minutes after you order

- Call to completely change the order from the ground up once the driver has already left the store. (Had this happen more than once.)The usual response to us telling them that it had already left was either "So what?" or "I'll tell him it's cancelled when he gets here", followed by a completely new order. Naturally, we were not permitted to charge them for the wasted FIRST order...

And WHY, precisely, did you call back wondering where you food was if you've ordered from somewhere else? Is there another pizza driver on his way here right now with food that you're going to refuse?

O_O Please don't joke about that. People really do pull this bullshit (tho I suspect you already know this quite well). I've had it happen to me before, I was just lucky and ended up as the "winner". I wouldn't even have known it was happening if the driver for (rival chain) hadn't pulled up just as I was leaving.

[SarcasticJerk]

Let the people who are likely to answer the door know you ordered food.

How did I forget this one? Especially since it actually happened yesterday.

Went to 445 #2
C: I didn't order pizza
Me: This is 445 #2, isn't it? (No numbers on the doors, I could have been at the wrong door.)
C: Yes, but we didn't order. What's the name?
Me: Diana
C: Oh, she's in #2 next door, at 441.
Me: Ok, I'll go over there. Thanks.
Go there
C2: I didn't order
Me: ....
C2: What's the address?
Me: 445 #2, but the lady there said your name is Diana and it must be for you
C2: I'm Diana, but I didn't order
Guy comes walking towards me
G: I think that's my order
Me: The address said 445 #2, but they said they didn't order. What's your address
G: That's my address, but my sister didn't know I ordered
Me: ..... ..... ...... .... that's $25.74
Gives me $25.75....

How about just slightly sucky, but I have to share because it was my greatest comeback line that didn't involve bad language?

Knock on door. Hispanic woman (important) answers. Say hello/etc.
Me: Your total came to <whatever>
HW: Stares at me.
Repat total slower (maybe her Ingles isn't so good.)
HW: Stares at me.
Me: Do you have the <total>?
HW: Yes
ME: ...
HW: Aren't you going to give me my pizza first?
Me: I usually get the money first, unless I know you.
HW: Well, the Mexican drivers always give me my pizza first.
Me: Well, I'm not Mexican. Though I was born in San Antonio, where folks know how real picante sauce is made*
HW: <Blank stare, obviously didn't get it*>
She paid, but gave me dirty looks.

*For our non-US readers (or even just younger ones), this is a reference to a commercial for picante sauce 15-20 years ago.

[BeenThereDoneThat]

So, you heard about this new internet thingy, this buncha magical tubes, and thought you'd try it out.

When I get there and you tell me I got your order wrong, I'm gonna have to disagree.

I can so relate to this. People order something from our store over the web (and we send them an e-mail order confirmation), then when they get their stuff they say it's wrong. I happily check the order, and lo and behold, they got EXACTLY what they ordered. But they didn't MEEEEEEEEAAN to order it so they want their shipping refunded because it wasn't their FAAAAUUULLLTTT.

*For our non-US readers (or even just younger ones), this is a reference to a commercial for picante sauce 15-20 years ago.

"NEW YORK CITY??!?!?!?!?!?!!?"

[XCashier]

"NEW YORK CITY??!?!?!?!?!?!!?"

"Get a rope!"

[Mr Hero]

One of the nice things about being a regular of my pizza place I order from is that they know my preferred order. One time I ordered a bbq chicken pizza and meant to add pineapple like I usually do. Instead I clicked peperoni. I got a call from the store asking me if this was correct.

[Mikkel]

"NEW YORK CITY??!?!?!?!?!?!!?"

"Get a rope!"

?????

[draggar]

?????

The setting: A bunch of cowboys sitting around a campire.

One asks for the picante. They debate over the *real* stuff made in San Antonio or the *fake* stuff made in.. NEW YOUR CITY???

They all give the "fake" picante person dirty looks then one says "get a rope".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDj310Bjnc0

[Andara Bledin]

?????

For your (and others') enlightenment.

^-.-^

[Mikkel]

Thank you Draggar and Andara.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

I haven't seen that commercial in years.

Thanks for the memories . . . that still is pretty dang funny.

[EricKei]

"NEW YORK CITY??!?!?!?!?!?!!?"

Yer giving me a touch of Deja Vu here, guys ... >_>

One time many years ago, my Dad and I were watching the tube, when that exact advertisement came on (not sure if we'd seen it before or not). Immediately after the "NYC?!" comment, we both shouted "LYNCH HIM" spontaneously, at the exact same moment, in the exact same gawd-knows-what-it-was bad Southern accent...We looked at each other -- hey, great minds think alike -- and then fell to the floor laughing as the character said "Get a rope"