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Perverted SC's and Wack Jobs (SOOOOOOO NSFW)

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  • #1

    Perverted SC's and Wack Jobs (SOOOOOOO NSFW)

    Some stories from tonight. I was on drive thru, alone, for the first time in about a month. We were busy (it figures) and my good mood was faltering.

    Too Much Information....

    A girl comes to the speaker with some friends. All of them are being loud, stupid and generally obnoxious. She gets to the window and is totally ignoring me and having her own, very loud conversation with her friends.

    SC: Like, ohmygod. My kitty has soooo much hair! It's, like, crazy! My kitty, like, sheads, like, all the time!

    Hahaha! Wow, I wish she knew how wrong that sounded

    SC: My kitty is sooooo hairy!

    Poor, dense girl

    SC: Last night, when my boyfriend was licking my kitty, it like totally shead in his mouth and we had to stop! It, like totally sucked!

    ......EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEEEEEWWWWWWW!!!! DON'T NEED TO KNOW, DON'T WANT TO KNOW!

    Way to fail...

    Car pulls up. Jerk-wad in back seat tells me how hot I am. I ignore him. He continues to shout obscenities in a pitiful attempt to catch my attention. Realizing his faiure, he moves to Plan B: pretend to jerk off in the backseat.

    Epic Fail #1: make movements much too short to possibly count as jerking off
    Epic Fail #2: make sounds like a dying goose
    Epic Fail #3: squeeze your fist so tightly not even your pinky finger could fit

    Me: Ahaha! Not quite a fistful there, eh?
    SC: *blank stare*

    Awe dammit...I lost him.

    Driver: *gets the joke*

    That did NOT just happen!!!

    Couple comes to the window. The driver is a 20-ish year old guy who's appearance screams "d-bag". Sideways hat, face tattoos, stained wife beater, ratty jeans and a big fake gold chain. The passenger is a 20-ish year old girl. Very heavyset, unwashed hair, pig nose, and is wearing a too-short jean skirt and a too-small low-cut top.

    D-bag turns to his woman:

    DB: Hey baby, you got da money, yeah?
    Girl: Aw dammit you said you'd pay!
    DB: I know baby, I be broke though! Next time, fer sure!
    Girl: *rantrantrant*
    DB: *kissing some MAJOR ass*
    Girl: *sighs* Ok, fiiiinnneeeee....

    I expect to see her go for a purse or a wallet, but instead I see her spread her knees apart and shove her hand up her skirt!!! She sat there digging her hands up her skirt until she pulls out a messy looking plastic ziploc which she gets money out of. She then wipes her hand, zips the bag and proceeds to shove it back up her crotch. I dry heaved and took the money with gloved hands....

    Hi. One case of brain bleach please...

    GTFO

    Dude comes to the window giving me the ooohh-check-out-the-babe look. I ignore it. His staring escalates to the creepy-stalker-pervert look.

    CSP: Here's 72 cents. You believe me, right???
    Me: Uh...yeah sure.
    CSP: *holds out change*
    Me: *grabs change*
    CSP: *grabs hold of my fingers*
    Me: *pulls back; again; again; panics and yanks back scraping my arm on the brick*
    CSP: Here's the $12. You believe me, right?
    Me: *sees all the bills and counts them* Yes.
    CSP: *grabs thumb* Hurhurr
    Me: *yanks back*

    He pulls the same shit with his food too...
    Answers: $1
    Correct Answers: $2
    Answers that require thought: $5
    Dumb looks are still free.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Admittedly I have seen many women store cash in their bras but I can't say I ever saw one store any by their crotch.
    "If we refund your money, give you a free replacement and shoot the manager, then will you be happy?" - sign seen in a restaurant

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    • #3
      That. Is. So. Gross. On so many levels...

      Your customers always seem to have that special kind of suck... I do wonder what attracts them like the mayflies.

      Comment

      • #4
        Hell, I had once contemplated statting out a bra of holding for D&D but... now.. I don't feel well after reading that.
        "IT stands away, interrupting himself from the incessant hammering of the kittens…"

        Comment

        • #5


          That is all . . .

          Comment

          • #6
            SC: Last night, when my boyfriend was licking my kitty, it like totally shead in his mouth and we had to stop! It, like totally sucked!
            yeah cos everyone with a headset on really needed to know that.

            Makes you wanna say... "would you like a razor - I mean fries - with that?"



            As for the crotch purse.... bleh. Especially since she had to WIPE IT OFF.
            Last edited by PepperElf; 08-05-2011, 01:42 PM.

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            • #7
              I've considered sewing pockets into my bras specifically for a kind of 'traveller's wallet' effect. But after having read so many stories of sweaty money here, I think I'd have to make them lined pockets.

              As in, lined with waterproof fabrics.
              Seshat's self-help guide:
              1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
              2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
              3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
              4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

              "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

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              • #8
                ugh, it would have been worse if she dug it out of her ass.
                Time! Time! Time is what turns kittens into cats.

                Don't teach me a lesson; all I learn is that you are an asshole.

                I wish porn had subtitles.

                Comment

                • #9
                  Quoth Bloodsoul View Post
                  Hell, I had once contemplated statting out a bra of holding for D&D but... now.. I don't feel well after reading that.
                  Pfft. I can do you one better. The people I regularly game with have a running joke about an old character that actually had cleavage of holding
                  Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. -Groucho Marx

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                  • #10
                    Ugh. I've heard of that area referred to as a "moneybox" before, but never literally.

                    Been awhile since I needed the

                    They say that God only gives us what we can handle. Apparently, God thinks I'm a bad ass.

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                    • #11
                      I'm not sure I'd have been able to keep from vomiting at that sight. Or at least dry-heaving.



                      PWNADE(TM) - Serve up a glass today! | PWNZER - An act of pwnage so awesome, it's like the victim got hit by a tank.

                      There are only Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse because I choose to walk!

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                      • #12
                        I'd have flat refused to take their money, and told them to leave. That's a health risk (I'm sure you're aware of that) and there's no law that requires you do to deal with that. And I'd love to have seen them try to complain to a manager about it.

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                        • #13
                          ...

                          I want to know what you did with the money after taking it.... >_>

                          ^-.-^
                          Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

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                          • #14
                            I had a bra that had pockets, sorta - it was so you could put in or remove additional padding (which I DO NOT need) so it was very convenient to put my ID and cash on one side, my bff's ID and cash on the other side - it was the lighter/inhaler/pk of cigs that were also in my cleavage that really threw people....
                            I am well versed in the "gentle" art of verbal self-defense

                            Once is an accident; Twice is coincidence; Thrice is a pattern.

                            http://www.gofundme.com/treasurenathanwedding

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                            • #15
                              Quoth Andara Bledin View Post
                              ...

                              I want to know what you did with the money after taking it.... >_>

                              ^-.-^
                              Well, I washed it with soap and water (it was only a $10) and dried it with the hand dryer in the restroom. It was actually fairly clean (probably because of the ziploc barrier) and only had one wet smear from her thumb. Still enough to make me gag. I have no interest in seeing any woman's vaginal excretions on a bill
                              Answers: $1
                              Correct Answers: $2
                              Answers that require thought: $5
                              Dumb looks are still free.

                              Comment

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