How much abuse is too much?

[Arachne]

Not that this has ever happened, but the moment someone calls me a c*** they are out the door, and I am threatening to call the police if I ever see them in the store again. I would NEVER put up with that. (And if I saw it happen to one of my co-workers, I would not be calm about it --- I would descend on the offending customer from nowhere like like an avenging Fury, screaming and possibly wielding sharp objects.)

On the level of things that have actually happened, if a customer's abuse shifts from unreasonable complaints to personal insults ("Why are you so rude?") then my sympathy and helpfulness shut off. At that point, I am only politely trying to get rid of them. I've only actually lost my temper/hung up on people when they personally insulted me, as well as stopped listening to me. When it becomes clear that I'm only interacting with a person in the sense that I'm being a receptacle for their abuse, and there's no potential for further communication, I'm done.

[ShortTemperHatesStupidity]

I agree with what was said about having the 1 freebie. It would be different if you didn't have the alcohol involved, so you do have to give a smidgen of leeway for that. Also, once it gets personal, that's a whole different can of worms. You handled it well.

[Rapscallion]

"Sod off" is the British equivalent to the American "fuck off", I believe.

Not quite. We have 'fuck off' as the general chavvy way of saying 'hello' or 'trust me'. That's considered pretty strong. 'Sod off' is generally considered to be a step or two below that, and roughly on par with 'piss off'. Below that, you have the more comfortable and familiar 'bugger off', which the gentry seem to take great delight in using.

Rapscallion

[Ackee]

Swearing is too much

When someone swears at you it can cause you to get angry really quickly.
I think you handled it quite well. I am not sure if they were trying to pick a fight . Maybe that is how they communicate at home and don't see it as a big deal.

The only time anyone swore at me I just got up and went home . Didn't file a complaint or anything.
I think if your boss knows and it's not something you do on regular basis you are fine really.

[nick1091]

Working in collections, we usually take a lot more abuse than the average bear. It kinda comes with the territory. Problem is, if you hang up on them, it's actually counter-productive, as they still end up owing you money, and then figure it it takes just a few expletives to get you to stop bugging them.

I've found that the easiest way to diffuse the situation is to remain calm and businesslike. Jerks who want to get abusive look for and feed off a reaction, and if you give them none, sometimes they'll come to their senses.

Of course, humor can sometimes work as well. At the job I worked before my current, there was a guy named Ron. He was an older guy, retired state arbitrator who took the job as a collector and occasional legal expert as a way to get out of the house. He'd finally tracked down a debtor who was pretty fiery. They had an exchange that went something like this.

Ron: OK, I've talked with my supervisor, and we can settle your lease for 60% of the balance and return of our equipment. How about that?
SC: How about I go out and f*** your mother?
Ron (without missing a beat): Sorry, I can't accept your counter offer.

Ultimately, we did end up making a deal.

[Kara]

I've never lost control in front of a customer, but I've had times where I needed to step back and take a cleansing breath, punch a wall and curse, or cry. But I will never allow myself to show weakness in the face of a customer. I've seen it. People break down and start bawling, yell back at the customer, or what have you. That's the moment you lose. The customer knows they've won if they even think for a moment they've gotten to you.

Working the phones, it's a lot easier (I've about worn out my "Mute" button). They can't see the faces/gestures I'm making on the other side of the phone. But still, I've seen reps start sobbing or yelling at a customer not to talk to them like that. I've even seen a guy take his headset off, walk out the door, and never be heard from again. Right from the start, in my training class, they don't us not to take any crap from a customer, but not to lose our cool. We use the stop-help-stop method (1. I have to ask you to STOP 2. I would like to HELP you, but you need to 3. STOP the abusive language) Basically, we give customers 2 warnings, and on the 3rd time it's "bye-bye."

The fun thing is that "abuse" can be whatever offends you. One example they gave was a rep who warned a customer about the F-word she overheard on the TV in the background, and he didn't turn it down and she wound up disconnecting. Because it was offensive to the rep, it was an acceptable action for her to take (and she did warn the guy twice).

I'm sorry, I'll have to ask you to STOP being a moron. I'd like to HELP you with your bill, but the stupidity must STOP now

[myswtghst]

I've been told, both by supervisors and co-workers, that I'm forgiving of idiocy to a fault, which I can be at work. Not in my personal life, but that's another matter altogether.

At our work, we are allowed to give one warning then hang up if a customer gets personal or starts cussing. I tend to be pretty laid back about that, and unless someone really gets under my skin, I don't hang up. I like to try to beat customers at their own game (i.e. put up with their nonsense until they inadvertantly give me the information I need).

Today I spent a good 30 minutes on a call that should have taken 5, mostly listening to a tech from Long Island tell me how he used to manage a company larger than the one I work for (which I highly doubt, as we're a world-wide industry leader yadda yadda yadda, and entirely massive) and how our customer service sucks (again, we're first in class in most categories, and are highly regarded as one of the best). He basically was mad because after we contacted his shop 4 times with no response, we closed out a case they had opened. After I got sick of trying to talk over him, I let him ramble while I composed an email to him, his coworker and their *ourcompany* liason, explaining in plain terms the policy, who they need to contact if they don't like the policy, and documenting why the case was closed.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

You shouldn't have cursed back at him.

Now, before you pillory me for saying this, hear me out. Yes, he deserved it. He deserved a good solid right hook in the pie hole for speaking to you that way.

However, as soon as you let yourself sink to his level, you weaken your position.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I had something else to say last night but got called away in a hurry.

I used to work at a place called Custom Photo. We used to call it "Cussin' Photo" because most of us sounded like a bunch of longshormen on any given day. This one customer came in wanting to cuss out one of my husband's coworkers (yeah, he worked there, too.). Many of our customers were professional photographers and graphic artists. Husband was able to call the guy in line by saying "Hey. We keep it professional here. We don't tolerate that kind of language." (which later cracked us all up, because we were a potty mouthed lot.) The guy immediately got embarassed and apologized for his behavior. Situation diffused, customer relationship salvaged.

Had the guys just cussed back at him, it probably would have escalated into a pointless argument.

So yeah, you were certainly justified in being angry enough to do what you did, but I think keeping your cool and either calling him into line or throwing him out in a professional manner might have been better. Confront him, yes. But don't become him.

Just my two cents, for what it's worth.