How to Not Get a Job.

[Jay 2K Winger]

What's a Parrothead?

Someone who likes to go wastin' away again in Margaritaville.

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

I have had many managers who would write on an application "did not bring own pen" for anyone who didn't. And they appreciated it when we noted the same thing on any apps we took from people who were that unprepared.

The last time I was job searching I had with me a manila envelop containing resumes, cover letters, references and even a list of my former work addresses (in case I needed them for apps). I also made sure to bring TWO pens with me, in the case the first one ran out of ink.

One of the things that blows my mind from people who ask me for apps/drop off resumes is a good chunk of the time they aren't dressed appropriately at all. I realize it's just a retail job, but that still doesn't mean you can apply in shorts and a spaghetti strap top or a shirt with holes in it or one of those annoying (The Man/The Legend) t-shirts and have an equal chance. And don't get me started on frizzy beards, messy hair or body odors.

Whenever I am out job searching, I am usually dressed office casual and groomed appropriately. I approach it by trying to aim for a look that, if they wanted to start me that VERY INSTANT, I wouldn't appear to out of place.

Sigourney Weaver can fuck with me any time she wants, thank you very much!

You know when I read "you don't fuck with the gate keeper", I INSTANTLY thought of Ghostbusters and then I wondered "Would that be too obscure a reference for CS?". I'm glad to see I was wrong.

[dalesys]

What's a Parrothead?

Someone who's buffetted by the slings and arrows of the outraged fortunate.

[Mr Hero]

You know when I read "you don't fuck with the gate keeper", I INSTANTLY thought of Ghostbusters and then I wondered "Would that be too obscure a reference for CS?". I'm glad to see I was wrong.

Nothing's too obscure for CS. Especially Ghostbusters.

[roguesqd]

I am a manager in a fast food restauarant, it amazes me how many people will call asking questions about their applications in the middle of lunch. Pretty much an instant not smart enough to work here

[auntiem]

Nothing's too obscure for CS. Especially Ghostbusters.

Urm, I'll show my age and say that I read Key Master and instantly thought of John Cusak in Say Anything.

I also agree that you should be dressed business casual and be nice to the receptionist (gate keeper). I once got an interview for a job I didn't have the specific experience for, but translatable skills. I was told when called for the interview that the receptionist had suggested giving me a shot.

[Ironclad Alibi]

Myself, I would probably rarely make more coffee, just for the simple reason that I don't drink the stuff. I might occasionally make it to be nice, but as a non-coffee person, I don't think I should ever be expected to make it if I worked in an office.

In an early job I was offerred the opportunity to be in charge of the office coffee mess. In retrospect, I should have taken the offer, but I also do not drink coffee and did not want to be responsible for what others drink, having never made it before, or since.

What's a Parrothead?

Someone who likes to go wastin' away again in Margaritaville.

Someone who's buffetted by the slings and arrows of the outraged fortunate.

In short, a devoted follower of Jimmy Buffett Buffett, often to the point of being an obnoxious douchebag asshole fuckwad who, in their devotion to Buffett and his music, often miss the whole point of the music.

[Jester]

What's a Parrothead?

Despite what someone else said, a Parrothead is not a Jimmy Buffett fan.

*I* am a Jimmy Buffett fan. I like his music, and the idea of his music: laying on or near a beach, perhaps in a hammock, drinking beer or mixed drinks, smoking weed, kicking back, chilling with girls in bikinis, and living the relaxed island life.

Hell, now that I think about it, I don't just like his music.... I LIVE it.

But I am, as I said, merely a Buffett fan. Whereas a Parrothead is a devoted follower of Buffett, often to the point of being an obnoxious douchebag asshole fuckwad who, in their devotion to Buffett and his music, often miss the whole point of the music.

There are many truly wonderful and sweet Parrotheads. Don't even get me started on the other kind.

The last time I was job searching I had with me a manila envelop containing resumes, cover letters, references and even a list of my former work addresses (in case I needed them for apps). I also made sure to bring TWO pens with me, in the case the first one ran out of ink.

That is because you are not a douchebag asshole like the subject of the OP, but a smart person when you are seeking work.

The last time(s) I went jobhunting, I had resumes, reference sheets, all my important info in my phone or readily available, plenty of pens, and I was wearing dress shoes, dress slacks, a dress shirt, and a tie. On an island where even the mayor and city councilpeople rarely wear ties.

It is far better to overdress than underdress when seeking employment. Which brings us to this next point....

Whenever I am out job searching, I am usually dressed office casual and groomed appropriately. I approach it by trying to aim for a look that, if they wanted to start me that VERY INSTANT, I wouldn't appear to out of place.

See, I was applying at bars where the general mode of dress is shorts, sneakers, and t-shirts. But to show up applying for work wearing that? Hell no.

Trust me when I say I made an impression on people, not just because of my nattily attired self, but because of my, oh, let's see, twenty five years of experience in the food service industry. I am not only qualified, I am over-qualified, and I dress better than the managers. Why?

Because when I am jobhunting, I am either unemployed or hating my current job for some reason, so I REALLY want to impress those I am applying to for work.

Which means my standard sandals, shorts, and t-shirts stay the fuck home.

In an early job I was offerred the opportunity to be in charge of the office coffee mess. In retrospect, I should have taken the offer, but I also do not drink coffee and did not want to be responsible for what others drink, having never made it before, or since.

I have never really drank coffee. (Six sips of the stuff in my entire life.) But I have been making coffee since I was 16 years old.

I have been working in the food service industry since I was 16 years old.

The previous two statements are, indeed, very much related.

[TonyDonuts]

My company's application is completely online.

I can't even schedule a "real" interview with you until you fill one out.

I am constantly astounded at the number of people who flat out, no foolin' refuse to fill it out unless they are guaranteed a job.

And will then talk to me as though I were the fool for not hiring them.

"I won't fill that out until you hire me!" And some of them will fold their arms with a "What do you think of that?" look on their faces.

And I'll say, "I won't even interview you until you fill that out. So there." And I will lean back with a look of "What do you think of that?" on my face.

Seriously, and this is for all the Little Pardners out there who just tuned in, if you can't follow simple instructions (and this is becoming rare enough to be re-classified as a super power) then the managers of the world aren't going to hire you. Already have headaches, thank you very much, I don't need to bring in new ones.

[Ironclad Alibi]

Despite what someone else said, a Parrothead is not a Jimmy Buffett fan.

I fixed it.

[Petronella]

I am a manager in a fast food restauarant, it amazes me how many people will call asking questions about their applications in the middle of lunch. Pretty much an instant not smart enough to work here

Definitely! That shows such a lack of common sense! Related: we just had a long, busy stat holiday day in the store, and the associates come back from shutting the front, and bring me a resume that someone has just shoved at them through the closed, locked gate. Straight to the NO pile.

[VComps]

"I won't fill that out until you hire me!" And some of them will fold their arms with a "What do you think of that?" look on their faces.

"Okay, I think we're done here. Thank you for your interest in this position."

[wolfie]

Despite what someone else said, a Parrothead is not a Jimmy Buffett fan.

Whereas a Parrothead is a devoted follower of Buffett, often to the point of being an obnoxious douchebag asshole fuckwad who, in their devotion to Buffett and his music, often miss the whole point of the music.

There are many truly wonderful and sweet Parrotheads. Don't even get me started on the other kind.

In other words, it's OK to be a Parrothead, so long as you don't act like a birdbrain.

[Jester]

I would word it a bit differently:

It's okay to be a Parrothead, so long as you don't act like a peckerhead.