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This sight is a blessing and a curse. On one hand it's an amusing way to get through the work day, on the other hand it drudges up cruel memories of sucky customers past.
Wait...I wonder if there is a ghost of sucky customers past? I digress.
Anyhow, while I was perusing the forums a previously repressed memory suddenly lept up back up into my consciousness to harrass me yet again, therapy time.
It was August. A mysterious heat wave had just rolled over one of the northern states we support. Since we're a lot of masochists here the company has a repair plan for various appliances. Now, this is a pretty cool plan since we'll even fix non-gas appliances for a nominal fee of ten dollars if you have the plan, if you don't have the plan...well, tought luck.
Anyhow, even though this plan does offer vastly discounted repair rates, it doesn't mean that a technician will fix your washing machine at 2 am on Sunday, they do have working hours, and it also doesn't mean we magically have time slots open when you call wanting a technician in thirty minutes to make your oven work. However, since these people pay their bloody twenty bucks every month for insurance they're pretty sure that they have an amazing edge over the common man.
And here our story begins.
I knew this one was going to be bad because it involved family. I'm all for support of your offspring, but it seems to bring out the hideousness is parents when they have to think of their dear children suffering without appliances. And here is the transcript as best as my mind will allow it:
Me: Thank you for calling, my name is ominousoat, how can I assist you today?
SC: My daughters don't have any AC!
Me: Okay, what is your account number?
SC: Why do you need that?
Me: So I can reference your account.
SC: I don't have that.
Me: ooookay...well what is the address?
SC: [gives me the address]
Me: I'm sorry, I can't find that here, could it be listed a different way?
SC: WHAT! That wasn't good enough? Why the hell can't you find it! It's under [gives common name that would probably pull up around 500 results in our system]
Me: I'm sorry, that didn't pull anything up, what would the phone number be on the account?
SC: [speaking to someone else in the room] This [expletive] moron can't find it? Where the [expletive] is the bill
SC: [screaming account # to me] THE ACCOUNT NUMBER IS XXXXXX-X!
At this point it's important to note this woman sounds like the love child of Joan Crawford and the slug-creature receptionist from Monsters Inc.
Me: Thank you. [I notice it's a trailer park, this explains two things: why I couldn't pull up the address, and why this woman is so hideous.]
Me: Okay, I do see you have the insurance plan, and you said the AC was out?
SC [honest to God]: Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh (said just like Michelle Tanner, you know from Fully House...played by the Olson twins...it was her catch phrase...you know what, never mind, pretend I didn't just reference Full House)
Me, trying to stay civil: Okay, and what is it doing?
SC: I DON'T KNOW! I DON'T EVEN LIVE THERE! IT'S JUST NOT WORKING? WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED! MY DAUGHTERS CALLED ME AND TOLD ME IT'S NOT WORKING! NOW MY BABIES NEED THEIR AIR CONDITIONING SO JUST GET A [EXPLETIVE] TECH OUT THERE NOW! OR ELSE!
Me: Let me look here...okay, well due to it being past after hours and Friday, the soonest date would be Monday of next week.
SC: [using a hideous mockery of my voice to person in room with her] Ohhhh I can't get anyone out there until Monday...ohhhh we just can't do it.
SC: DO IT!
Me: I'm sorry, there's now way, it's after hours and our technicians won't go out for Air Conditioners after hours.
SC: [using mocking voice again] Ohhhhh...I can't make my techs do it....ohhhh they can't do it...wahhhh
Me: Ma'am, please stop using that voice. I apologize but we can't get it done.
SC: [expletive] you you little [expletive] I need an [expletive] tech out there right now or we're sueing!
Me: Ma'am, the only way we can get a tech out for an Air Conditioner is if it's a medical emergency.
SC: OF COURSE IT'S A MEDICAL EMERGENCY! WHY ELSE WOULD I BE CALLING?
Me: And what is their medical condition?
SC: Rhinoplasty.
Me: Plastic Surgery?
SC: Duuuuuuuuuuuh! [God. Why?]
Me: Will they be able to produce medical documentation when the tech gets there?
SC: [hesitating] yyyesss.
Me: Okay, good, I'll send them out then.
SC: FINALLY! DUMB[expletive].
I did send them out, but (surprise surprise) the daughters didn't have proper medical documentation! Naturally the technicians didn't fix the AC and they just went home. I was imagining two hideous hell beast trailer park sisters with bandages on their noses running to the door to let that technician in to fix the AC and him having to tell them they were just gonna' have to tough it out until Monday. And as kharma would have it, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday ended up filled up by the time the woman called back again. Consequently due to her hideousness her daughers ended up waiting until Thursday for their AC repair.
I think they survived.
[EDIT: Oh man, I can't believe I forgot to mention the most horrible thing about this woman. While her husband was searching for the bill she informed me that "He had a stroke so now he's a [expletive] moron."]
Wait...I wonder if there is a ghost of sucky customers past? I digress.
Anyhow, while I was perusing the forums a previously repressed memory suddenly lept up back up into my consciousness to harrass me yet again, therapy time.
It was August. A mysterious heat wave had just rolled over one of the northern states we support. Since we're a lot of masochists here the company has a repair plan for various appliances. Now, this is a pretty cool plan since we'll even fix non-gas appliances for a nominal fee of ten dollars if you have the plan, if you don't have the plan...well, tought luck.
Anyhow, even though this plan does offer vastly discounted repair rates, it doesn't mean that a technician will fix your washing machine at 2 am on Sunday, they do have working hours, and it also doesn't mean we magically have time slots open when you call wanting a technician in thirty minutes to make your oven work. However, since these people pay their bloody twenty bucks every month for insurance they're pretty sure that they have an amazing edge over the common man.
And here our story begins.
I knew this one was going to be bad because it involved family. I'm all for support of your offspring, but it seems to bring out the hideousness is parents when they have to think of their dear children suffering without appliances. And here is the transcript as best as my mind will allow it:
Me: Thank you for calling, my name is ominousoat, how can I assist you today?
SC: My daughters don't have any AC!
Me: Okay, what is your account number?
SC: Why do you need that?
Me: So I can reference your account.
SC: I don't have that.
Me: ooookay...well what is the address?
SC: [gives me the address]
Me: I'm sorry, I can't find that here, could it be listed a different way?
SC: WHAT! That wasn't good enough? Why the hell can't you find it! It's under [gives common name that would probably pull up around 500 results in our system]
Me: I'm sorry, that didn't pull anything up, what would the phone number be on the account?
SC: [speaking to someone else in the room] This [expletive] moron can't find it? Where the [expletive] is the bill
SC: [screaming account # to me] THE ACCOUNT NUMBER IS XXXXXX-X!
At this point it's important to note this woman sounds like the love child of Joan Crawford and the slug-creature receptionist from Monsters Inc.
Me: Thank you. [I notice it's a trailer park, this explains two things: why I couldn't pull up the address, and why this woman is so hideous.]
Me: Okay, I do see you have the insurance plan, and you said the AC was out?
SC [honest to God]: Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh (said just like Michelle Tanner, you know from Fully House...played by the Olson twins...it was her catch phrase...you know what, never mind, pretend I didn't just reference Full House)
Me, trying to stay civil: Okay, and what is it doing?
SC: I DON'T KNOW! I DON'T EVEN LIVE THERE! IT'S JUST NOT WORKING? WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED! MY DAUGHTERS CALLED ME AND TOLD ME IT'S NOT WORKING! NOW MY BABIES NEED THEIR AIR CONDITIONING SO JUST GET A [EXPLETIVE] TECH OUT THERE NOW! OR ELSE!
Me: Let me look here...okay, well due to it being past after hours and Friday, the soonest date would be Monday of next week.
SC: [using a hideous mockery of my voice to person in room with her] Ohhhh I can't get anyone out there until Monday...ohhhh we just can't do it.
SC: DO IT!
Me: I'm sorry, there's now way, it's after hours and our technicians won't go out for Air Conditioners after hours.
SC: [using mocking voice again] Ohhhhh...I can't make my techs do it....ohhhh they can't do it...wahhhh
Me: Ma'am, please stop using that voice. I apologize but we can't get it done.
SC: [expletive] you you little [expletive] I need an [expletive] tech out there right now or we're sueing!
Me: Ma'am, the only way we can get a tech out for an Air Conditioner is if it's a medical emergency.
SC: OF COURSE IT'S A MEDICAL EMERGENCY! WHY ELSE WOULD I BE CALLING?
Me: And what is their medical condition?
SC: Rhinoplasty.
Me: Plastic Surgery?
SC: Duuuuuuuuuuuh! [God. Why?]
Me: Will they be able to produce medical documentation when the tech gets there?
SC: [hesitating] yyyesss.
Me: Okay, good, I'll send them out then.
SC: FINALLY! DUMB[expletive].
I did send them out, but (surprise surprise) the daughters didn't have proper medical documentation! Naturally the technicians didn't fix the AC and they just went home. I was imagining two hideous hell beast trailer park sisters with bandages on their noses running to the door to let that technician in to fix the AC and him having to tell them they were just gonna' have to tough it out until Monday. And as kharma would have it, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday ended up filled up by the time the woman called back again. Consequently due to her hideousness her daughers ended up waiting until Thursday for their AC repair.
I think they survived.
[EDIT: Oh man, I can't believe I forgot to mention the most horrible thing about this woman. While her husband was searching for the bill she informed me that "He had a stroke so now he's a [expletive] moron."]
Two daughters with nosejobs and you live in a trailer park? They must have been on Dr. 90210 White Trash edition. I won't even TRY to make sense of this one........
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