You're not making me feel valued

[Kara]

So I've been feeling pretty under the weather the last few days. (Sore throat + overall achiness + earache) * 73 screaming whining customers = sad Kara (that's actually how many people I talked to yesterday). Anyway, I normally try really hard to be all sunshine and goodness on the phone, but I just don't care right now.

This guy called in yesterday. The rep that transferred him to me said he was upset because he couldn't get a free phone so he was going to cancel. Oh, and he spent the whole call yelling at me in broken english.

ME = Little ol' me
FBC = Fire-breathing Customer

FBC: I want cancel my service because I can't get free phone!
ME *groan* = I see you do qualify for a discount based on your tenure (1 year), and there are additional discounts you qualify for in addition to the regular discount for an upgrade.
FBC: For free?
ME: I have 4 free phones that I can get you right now-
FBC: Give me Blueberry free!
ME

Okay, if you don't even know the right name of a device that's been out for 5+ years (blackberry), you A) don't need one, B) are too stupid to know how to use one, and C) sure as hell don't deserve one, free or otherwise. In fact, you should be banned from ever owning one. Normally I'd pour sugar all over the fact that although we have great discounts on all phones, the blackberry is not a free phone but it's a GREAT discount, blah blah blah. But I'm sick, so that ain't happening.

ME: The blackberry is not free, but we can get it for $149.99 (normally $199.99 after rebate, so he's getting a pretty good deal).
FBC: *Competitor* will give me free! You give me free or I cancel!
ME: *Competitor* also charges $X for the blackberry internet service, if you plan on using it. Ours is only $Y. You're going to pay for that "free" phone in the first year of their 2 year contract.
FBC: YOU GIVE ME FREE OR I CANCEL!
ME: It's not free. It's $149.99 with with a 2 year contract.
FBC: That doesn't make me feel valued! You don't treat me like good customer!

Aww, I'm sorry. Here, let me play "My Heart Pumps Purple Piss For You" on the world's smallest violin (bonus points for the reference).

ME: Well, it is a value, and you are getting the best deal we have.
FBC: Then I cancel if you don't give free.
ME: Bottom line, it's not free and it's not going to be free.
FBC: *mumble mumble* I take 2 year contract $149.99.
ME (now comes the sweetness in my voice): I'm sorry, what was that?
FBC: I say I take 2 year contract $149.99.
Mr Burns: Excellent.

So hooray for illness for calling his bluff.

[Lyse]

Oh man! I could totally picture the whole Mr. Burns, with the hand thing and the creepy "Ex-cellent".

Thanks for the chuckle, and good for you!

[ominousoat]

Aww, I'm sorry. Here, let me play "My Heart Pumps Purple Piss For You" on the world's smallest violin (bonus points for the reference).

That would be "Needful Things"

[BlaqueKatt]

I totally feel your pain-I deal with the billing disputes and anything else the floor reps can't handle-you cannot Imagine how many times a day I get research forms that state "customer left phone in pants pocket and washed it-didn't get insurance what can we do for them-they've been with us for 3 months(6 months, a year etc.)" Um how about they buy a new phone at a 25% discount off full retail, and get insurance on it if they're that irresponsible-or they cancel and pay the ETF. Amazingly I've noticed the longer a customer hass had service with us the less likely they are to get their phone lost/stolen or damaged-hmmm, coincedence?


BlaqueKatt-who despises the EBs with a passion.

[Kara]

That would be "Needful Things"

Whoa, was that "Needful Things?" Haven't read it in years, I'll need to go through it again sometime. I was thinking "Wizard and Glass," but Stephen King = Stephen King, so it's all good.

Another call along the same lines yesterday. This guy called in and was transferred to me to accept an offer he was given by a previous rep. First off, as part of a "save" offer (an offer we can make in my department for customers wanting to cancel. Basically, lower prices on phones, different plans than the "regular" plans we have available, and in rare cases, credits for valid charges) there are still limits. We can offer a lower price on a phone, or a credit, but never both. So of course, some idiot offers this guy a $50 credit in addition to upgrading his phones. He has 4 lines, and since that rep noted the account that he did indeed make this offer, I have no choice but to honor it. Long story short, the guy winds up getting $450 worth of phones and I get to knock $200 off that. Of course, if you look at the "regular" prices of those same devices, he's getting $600 worth of equipment for the $450 minus $200 from me.

He then proceeds to have the nerve to say, "Can't you give me a better deal?"

Are you kidding me? I should have told him the deal was off right then and there, but I can't do that. All I could do was tell him we were already adjusting $200 and there was no further credit I could offer.

[Ciarrai]

The sad part of that is that I could hear that entire conversation in my head, and probably know what ethnicity and accent that guy had just from experiences at my store. I need to get out of customer service.

[HawaiianShirts]

He then proceeds to have the nerve to say, "Can't you give me a better deal?"

I've had a few of those!

We were recently running a special on a professional wireless network set-up. The set-up charges would be reduced to less than half if purchased at the same time as a computer and a qualifying router. One customer came in looking for a computer, and a relatively new co-worker told him about that special. He was interested. So he picked out one of the "qualifying routers," which happened to be on sale that week, and picked out a computer that was $799 on clearance (regularly $1199--it had been there for quite a while). He also picked out a bag and a wireless mouse, also on sale (and the only bag and mouse on sale that week).

So we (new co-worker doing the work with me following along to make sure he didn't screw anything up) got his purchase written up and took him to the cashiers to pay for it and get signed up for the set-up service. He asked if we could cut him a deal because he was buying so much. I tried to explain that he was already saving almost $500, but that wasn't good enough, and he asked for a manager. Manager also turned down the "deal."

But the customer still wasn't satisfied (pleasant, but still demanding better treatment). He had a $50 gift card with him and a coupon for 10% off up to three accessories, of which we were not aware until he whipped them out as the manager was leaving. He tried to convince the cashier (who had been there for almost four years) that the gift card was really worth $100 (our computers must be reading it wrong) and that the coupon applied the 10% to his total purchase price (in spite of a notice on the coupon itself specifically listing what products counted as accessories). When he realized we weren't going to bite that either, he tried to claim tax-exempt status but refused to give us a number or even a reason why he should get that. We shot him down there, too.

He still bought all his stuff but left grumbling something about us being stingy and unaccommodating.

Bah.