That's not how kids used to act

[ShortTemperHatesStupidity]

Exactly, so either way you go you lose.

[Rubystars]

Usually, when I ask a child nicely to stop doing something, they ignore me, but the parents actually stop them. They only do this after I say something though, even though they already knew their kids were running amok or doing dangerous things. I almost always direct my comment to the child so that it doesn't seem like I'm telling the parent what an awful parent they are, even in the cases where I am.

There is a screen that looks a little like miniblinds that comes down in front of the bank at the grocery store I work at, and some kids think it's a ladder, and try to climb on it. Usually the parents are totally oblvious (or act like they are) to the fact their kids are trying to do that until I ask the kids not to because they could get hurt and then the parents stop them.

One thing that terrifies me is that children will put their faces in between the bag holders on the bag carousel. There have been a few times when I came very close to smacking them in the face, HARD, or poking them in the eye with the metal projections. I just happened to see them before I spun it around. Now when kids are around I try to make sure they're not in eye-gouging or face-breaking range before I spin it. Thankfully the parents usually make them stop once I warn them that they might get their faces hurt.

There are of course some people who think that you shouldn't say anything to their child or take personal offense to it, and don't apologize if I'm trying to put an item into the bag on my side and a little brat on the other side spins it around and smacks me in the wrist. When I see them trying to do that, I usually put my knee on the carousel to stop them from being able to spin it, then the kids tug as hard as they can to try to get it to move again. Sometimes the parents make them stop, more often they don't. I even had this one little girl screaming at me "Let it go! Get off! I wanna spin it!" The parents said nothing.

[myswtghst]

It's ridiculous, honestly. I'm only 23, so it wasn't too long ago that I was a rambunctious little 'un, and my parents found plenty of ways to deal with me. Granted, my worst offense was my need to climb on things and to talk to strangers, but still.

It amazes me to see the way kids behave in public today, and the way certain kids I used to babysit for acted. Stuff that my parents never would have put up with, and they're not particularly strict. I refuse to go to grocery stores or Target/Walmart/etc during the prime/peak hours, just because I can't stand to be around parents who can't control their children. It's not my responsibility to be constantly alert for your idiot child to run out in front of my cart because you weren't watching them.

While you're busy ignoring your little precious one, they could be hurting themselves, destroying property that doesn't belong to them, talking to strangers, being abducted by a stranger, or involved in many other bad things. You have no one to blame but yourself when $hit like that happens.

[Kelshir]

People are too afraid of CPS and busybodies.

Kelshir's wife again: Nail on the head. Discipline is not abuse, I was the recipient of well-earned smacks on the bottom as a child, and I seem to remember it being something like this:

Me: starting to whinge about something
Mum: We are nearly through with the shopping. Please be quiet, we will go as soon as we are finished. (Most of my childhood it stopped NOW, as I knew what would be next.)
Me: continue whingeing
Mum: This is your warning. If you do not stop that, I will have to give you one swat.

And if I didn't, she did. "You are getting a swat now. Whingeing is not a good way to talk to Mummy or anyone, and you did not stop when I asked you to. Why are you getting one swat?" Swats were always administered with a reason, and the thing I hated the most but was probably the most effective was having to repeat back in my own words why I was getting the swat.

We were able to go in any store, and I mean any store as children after my sister hit about 4 years old. Mum would say "This is a no-touching store. Show me where you keep your hands in no-touching stores." And we would put our hands behind our backs and follow her. We were allowed to look at things, and if we started reaching I would hear "What kind of store is this? This is a no-touching store. "

For the "grabbies," my mum had the magic phrase "Do you have money for that?" Not only was this a good reminder, it made us have to stop and look at the price, read the numbers, sort out how much money we had if we actually did have money....and once, my mother said "[Brother's name], do you have money for that?" and an adult, apparently named the same thing, quickly set down something he was picking up and went on to the cashier.

I just hope we can be as consistent with our little guy, but my husband keeps reading me things about people being followed home, having CPS called on them, etcetera, for what I would consider normal disciplinary actions. Apparently even taking your child out to the car to have a time-out or swats can have repercussions now.

[BookstoreEscapee]

I remember throwing plenty of tantrums as a kid, and I'm sure there were plenty more I don't remember, but I did it at home. I don't remember ever throwing one in public, or hearing about doing it. My parents spanked when necessary, and I grew up fine. They were also believers in the Count to 3 method. My brother was always in his room by 2, and I'd be sitting on the floor with my arms crossed at 4 . (I was also a climber, especially kitchen counters, but I was small for my age and it was easier than dragging chairs all over the place. I never got in trouble for it, though.)

My dad and I were out to lunch one day a year or two ago, and there was a little boy, maybe 2 or 3, at the next table. He wasn't really being bad, just being a little boy, and I said to my dad, "I bet you don't miss those days!" He said we were actually pretty good in public, restuarants etc. He doesn't remember any major meltdowns, and if we did melt down, it was probably because we were overtired rather than being brats.

I used to babysit for one little girl who could scream like the dickens when she didn't get what she wanted. One day she spent 20 minutes straight just screaming because I wouldn't let her play with my hair (I had really long hair - down to my hip - and I really didn't like 4-year-olds playing hair dresser with it). And this was on a day she stayed home sick from school...imagine when she's feeling well! She also once locked herself in her room because she didn't want to get up for school. This was after I had pulled her out of bed 3 times already. Dad heard about that one when he came to take her to school. (And someone explain to me why a 4yo needs a lock on their bedroom door )

[ThePhoneGoddess]

People unfortunately do scream abuse if they see you disciplining your kid. At least here in the states they do.

My uncle's son from his first marriage was visiting him. Now Logan has a temper problem, and when he gets upset, he has a really high pitched annoying shriek of a voice. So his Dad told him to go inside, and he didnt want to, and his Dad ordered him inside. He argued and his dad got mad and gave him a warning. Logan began to scream and shriek while standing out in the yard. So my uncle picked him up and carried him into the house.

Not 20 minutes later a cop shows up. The neighbor had heard Logan screaming from over the fence (in other words, he couldnt see what was going on), called the cops and told them my uncle was beating his kids. My uncle was like, 'no, I didnt beat him, I just told him to go inside. Go ask my son!' So they went and asked, and Logan told them that no, His dad didnt hit him.

But it was just unbelieveable that the neighbor would do that! He had no idea what was going on. There's a six foot fence between them!

[BookstoreEscapee]

I was watching Wife Swap last night (sorry, guilty pleasure) and the one set of kids was just spoiled rotten. When the little boy (6yo) didn't get what he wanted at the toy store he flipped, and ended up running out the door screaming about how he hates this world. Then in the car he said he was going to stick a fork in his stomach when they got home if he didn't get his gum. Later he said something to the effect of he didn't want to be in this world anymore. The "new mom" actually got decent behavior out of them by the end of her week, but I think the kid needs more help than that!

[DesignFox]

People are so effing nosy, anymore. Mind your own damn business! Unless you hear gunshots, actually SEE or HEAR someone being thrown down the stairs or being beaten, shut the f*** up! There is a HUGE difference between an actual violent disturbance and just a kid throwing a tantrum. Also, people who are ACTUAL child abusers are NOT going to do these things in public, nor are they going to leave marks for you to see (usually). From the stories I've heard, most people who are abusive seem like the nicest people in the world.

People wonder why I don't want kids- well, I don't want one that grows up to be a complete a**hole because I'm not allowed to discipline it.

On another rant- Say I had kids. Say they are doing something in the store they shouldn't be- but I can't see it for some reason. I would be GRATEFUL an employee said something to me or my child to prevent them from getting hurt! I guess I'm just weird...

And in reference to the kid with the plastic bag on her head-
The kid was told to stop. It was explained that plastic bags over kids heads get kids hurt (hell, for the dumber population set, it is not only WRITTEN on things, but there are PICTURES illustrating the danger). Well now maybe it was time for dad to take that bag away from his daughter if he cared her well being- which obviously he didn't. (this makes me sad and so angry)

In my opinion- this is Darwinism at work. Maybe, we need to let natural selection start doing its job- then, perhaps, we'll end up with a few less jerks in the world. **

**important note to this- I'm not saying I want to see kids get hurt in horrible ways... I'm just saying....well... people are damn stupid and they should suffer the consequences for their actions. It hurts my soul to see parents so indifferent to the fate of their children- until of course they are brought to court on charges of neglect- THEN it affects THEM and they sure do care after that!

[Witch of Endor]

What people seem to miss in these discussions is that plenty of well-behaved kids were never, ever subject to any kind of physical discipline. My siblings and I got honest, blunt explanations about why we shouldn't run around in stores or play on things that weren't meant to be toys. 'Stop nagging me about the toy or we won't go to the movie later' worked if we were being whiny in the store.

I don't ever want to be a parent, so I'm not going to tell anyone else how to do it, but I just wanted to point out that there is a happy medium between spanking and complete lack of attention.

[DesignFox]

I agree with you WOE. You have to do what works for you and your kids. I use the word discipline because discipline doesn't necessarily mean spanking. I think overall that's what the other poster's are complaining about- lack of discipline.

We are just relating it to the way in which we were raised- and subsequently, disciplined.

Seems like most of us were the type of kids that other actions weren't good enough- we needed a swat to the bottom once in awhile.