Charlie Michael David or Cat Mouse Dog

[Quintessence]

So I worked in an inbound call center for about a year. You're bound to run into some "interesting" customers during that time and I got some geniuses that's for sure and I'm sure to post several of them here. But I'll start off with this gem first.

This was when I was doing trousbleshooting support for high speed Internet. After doing the regular troubleshooting of rebooting the modem and the PC, the connection didn't come back. The customer sounded about 40-50ish and he was running XP. He seems to have trouble finding Network Connections, so I decided to go the DOS route... Big mistake... After I finally got him to open the RUN window the fun really started...

Me: Type CMD and click OK.
Cust: DBC?
Me: C... M... D...
Cust: CNB?
Me: CMD as in Cat Mouse Dog.
Cust: Oh I see! DNC.
Me: No, not DNC, C... M... D... as in Cat Mouse Dog.
Cust: What did you say again?
Me: C... M... D... Cat... Mouse... Dog... Charlie... Michael... David...
Cust: Yeah. That's what I said, DNC.
Me: No. It's NOT DNC. NOT David Nancy Charlie, it's Charlie Michael David, CMD...
Cust: CMD?
Me: YES! CMD.
Cust: Nothing happened...
Me: What did you type?
Cust: DNCCMD.
Me: T-T Delete it all and type CMD, then click OK.
Cust: What about DNC?

After about 15 minutes I finally got him to type CMD. -_-; After that it was fine. It seems that after he typed CMD he suddenly and miraculously levelled up and gained the ability of Spelling. The rest of the call went without a hitch.

[Kara]

And he managed to do this without shorting out his keyboard drooling all over it?

At some point you just have to say "Sir, step away from the computer. We'll think of some way to remove it, I'll come over myself if I have to, but you must never touch it again."

The wireless phone version of this is as follows (this was a real call I had the other day).

ME: Ok, press the Menu key.
SC: The what?
ME: The Menu key. It's in the middle of your arrow keys (I've learned calling it a navigational dial/key just confounds them even more).
SC: Okay, I'm in "Security."
ME: (Well, congrats, you somehow managed to go four tiers into the menu tree and are nowhere near where we need to be) Go back.
SC: How do I do that?
ME: Press the button right underneath where it says "Back" at the bottom of your screen.
SC: Okay.
ME: Alright, now select "Settings."
SC: I don't see it.
ME: What does your screen look like?
SC: I'm in "Security."
ME: (I thought we covered this already) Okay, press "Back."
SC: Alright, "Security?"
ME: (Sure, why the hell not?) Ok. Let's try this again. Press "Back."
SC: I think I did the wrong thing.
ME: (Ya think?) What do you see?
SC: I'm back at my regular screen.
ME: (Ah, so you hit your End key and kicked yourself completely out of the menu, hooray) Okay, sure, let's just start over. Press the Menu key.
SC: The what?
ME: THE SAME BUTTON YOU PRESSED LAST TIME TO GET IN THE MENU!
SC: *Beep Beep Beep*
ME: (I asked you to hit one button. One keypress would not be accompanied by a series of beeps. Are you sure you're not doing this on purpose? Am I being Punk'd?)
SC: Ok, I'm in "Security."
ME: (Excuse me while I ram my head through my monitor and end my suffering) Sigh~

[Quintessence]

~I'm hoping I didn't double post~

LMAO! Yeah I feel your pain. XD