I NEVER LOSE!!!!!
-This is Argabarga with Friendly Neighborhood Towing, I believe someone at this number called looking for a Gold Chrysler from 225 Woodchuck St?
-YES!
-It looks like we have it, that car was called into us for not having a permit for where it parked, it will be $115 to…
-WHAT DO YOU MEAN ONE HUNDRED FIFTYYYY???
-I mean the total charge on the vehicle right now is…
-DON’T GIVE ME ANY ATTITUDE! THAT WAS MY SPACE AND YOU TOWED ME FOR NO REASON, I’M COMING DOWN THERE NOW AND GETTING MY CAR FOR FREE!
-I’m sorry Sir, but I cannot release that vehicle unless it is paid for
-That’s my car and that was MY spot you towed it from!!!! So it’s coming back! RIGHT NOW! FOR FREE!!!! YOU CAN’T TOW ME FROM MY SPACE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!!!
-Actually Sir, we can, that car was called into us for not having a permit for that lot, all vehicles in that lot must display permits to park there, those are the lot rules of A-B-C Reality who own it
-I DON’T GIVE A DAMN WHO CALLED IT IN, I SAID I’M GETTING IT BACK FOR FREE! AND DON’T THINK I WON’T SUE YOU!!! I’VE WON BEFORE AND I’LL JUST WIN AGAIN!!!!! I PAY LIKE $500 A MONTH TO A-G-D REALITY TO GET THAT SPACE!!!!
-Well Sir, the rules for A-B-C Reality are…
-I KNOW WHAT THE RULES FOR A-G-D ARE! AND YOU CAN’T TOW ME!!!! NOW CALL YOUR MANAGER!
-He’ll be in on Monday
-NOT GOOD ENOUGH! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY! CALL THE OWNER!
-Sorry Sir, but if you have any complaints or questions, you’ll have to talk to the manager on Monday, he usually comes in at 9am. For tonight, the only thing I can do is take payment and release the vehicle
-I SAID CALL THE OWNER!
-I have no way of getting in touch with them
-YOU CAN’T CALL YOUR OWNER? YOU HAVE NO WAY OF REACHING HIM?
-No Sir, not at 2am (which it was)
-YOU COULD IF IT WERE AN EMERGENCY!!! AND THAT’S WHAT THIS IS!!! A COMMERCIAL EMERGENCY!!! I’M A DELIVERY DRIVER AND I’M LOSING HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS WITHOUT MY CAR!!!!
How cute, that’s a new one on me. But it’s still not the genuine kind of Emergency ™ that would have me wanting to call the owner up at 2am… I honestly wouldn’t do that unless this place had just become a smoldering crater, and even then, I probably wouldn’t call the owner up. I’d NEED every second of that precious 6 hour head start to get as many time zones ahead of the possible repercussions.
-Like I said Sir, you’ll have to pay to get the car back tonight, and then take up any complaints you have with the manager on Monday
-YOU’RE REALLY RUNNING A SHITTY OPERATION IF YOU CAN’T GET A MANAGER FOR ME RIGHT NOW!!!! GUESS I’ll JUST HAVE TO SUE YOU GUYS! AND DON’T THINK I WON’T WIN! I WIN EVERY TIME!!!!
-Well Sir…
-OR CALL A-G-D REALITY!!! THEY’LL TELL YOU WHO I AM!
-I have no way of contacting anyone with A-B-C Reality at this hour
-FINE! I’LL CALL A-G-D MYSELF!!!
*click*
Awww, that’s too bad, I was really hoping to get some more mileage out of that call, since it had been a fairly uneventful night up till that point. And if he’s been cutting checks to A-G-D Reality instead of A-B-C Reality, well, that might go a long way to explaining why he’s in his current pickle. The icing on the cake? After the call ended, I went out to double-check the car, just to make sure it did not have a permit that I missed somehow. It didn’t, but it did have some mail inside, left on the dash, with a return address of the local Jail… Funny, I thought he said he always wins when matters of law are concerned…..
Time to Kick the Anthill
So named because as I’m hooking the car I came in for, a bunch of people come running out of the building and about 3 other cars in the lot are soon fired up and depart at fast speed. The last guy of the group comes over to me and asks.
-“It’s okay for me to park here right?”
-“Not without a permit” I tell him
-“Well, what about over there?” He asks, pointing across the street
-“That’s the same complex as over here, same rules, no permit? You get towed.”
-“Well, what about in the street?”
-“Borough property, parking is permitted, but not overnight, between 2am and 6am, they ticket and might tow.”
Now he’s getting genuinely angry
-“Well, where the hell am I supposed to park then?”
-“Public parking, either a meter lot or a parking garage”
-“No! I wanna know where the FREE PARKING is!”
Have you tried a Monopoly board? Well, actually, I didn’t say that. I got ever so close to saying it before that tiny little angel living on my right shoulder gave me his patented thousand-yard-stare and cocked his head as if to say “You REALLY wanna say that, huh bub? He also appeared to be palming something in his right hand that looked vaguely like a rusty switchblade, so I ended up responding with an edited-for-public-consumption version of basically the same thing….
-“There isn’t any“
So, he strikes the “tough-guy” pose and marches on down to his car. Gets in, squeals his tires backing out of the spot, squeals his tires leaving the lot and getting on the main road, squeals his tires down the street, and I can hear him squeal them again at the stop sign about 150 yards down at the exit of the neighborhood and onto the main road. Right where the cops always sit at the abandoned convenience store and watch for speeders… I saw the blue and red lights as I came up to the intersection about 4 minutes later, but sadly, they had pulled over someone else.
Oh, and all the commotion in the lot attracted the owner of the vehicle I had hooked. It took 4 tries with 4 different credit cards before she found one in her purse she hadn’t blown her limit on to pay for a drop and a ticket. Fun stuff.
Shocked Senseless
-I’m looking for my car, it was parked at 242 California Avenue, and now it’s missing.
-A silver Mazda MPV van? Maryland plates? Yes we have that vehicle it will be $115 to pick up.
…
…
…
…
Uh oh, did genuine Nextel quality just strike again?
-Ma’m?
…
-I’m speechless! I’m…. I’m…. I’m just FLOORED that you towed me!
Your car doesn’t have a permit, you drove past the sign that said “permit parking only” and left it there overnight… forgive me if I don’t share your opinion.
I Intend to Make Myself a Nuisance, I am Making Myself a Nuisance, Nuisance-Making Complete
This one started with a high suck potential, guy had been towed for having no permit for where he parked and already had tried the usual litany of excuses and yelled and might have cussed a bit. I don’t remember what he said because none of it was memorable. At this point, if you want me to remember you for mocking at a later date, you really have to do something original and annoying… like for example, when we’re filling out the paperwork to release the car say something like:
“There better not be anything missing from inside that car!”
“My cellphone was in the car, and if it’s not there, I’m going to sue you!”
“I really hope I can’t find it, because then I’ll sue you!”
Any one of those lines alone would have been bad enough, but this guy was a firm believer in quantity over quality and used all three in rapid succession. I of course gave the perfunctory responses, No, we don’t enter vehicles, it’s against the law and unnecessary to tow them anyway, there’s security cameras in the back, if you’d like to claim damage/theft, there’s forms to fill out and the managers will review the camera footage in the morning, etc, etc, etc. Still, this guy has pulled the James Bond Villain Mistake™ of basically informing me of a nefarious scheme he’s going to carry out BEFORE he actually does it, so as I’m writing with my left hand I’m reaching into the cupboard under the desk and thumbing for a complaint form with my other because know I know he plans on filing a complaint he knows is baseless just to inconvenience us.
As soon as he walks out I’m already filling it in with the time, date, kind of car, nature of complaint (missing property) and so on when one of my drivers in the back impound lot radios up. Mr. Blofeld is indeed claiming we stole his cellphone because he can’t find it.
“Fine, send him back up for the paperwork” I say
I put the completed form down on the counter with a pen and wait for him to walk in so I can just tell him to sign it and leave and I’ll turn it into the office
And I wait
And wait
And wait
And wait
And after 15 minutes I conclude that Blofeld isn’t going to actually show up. So the form goes in the garbage along with the complaint. Seriously though, I’d like to know if he abandoned the attempt because:
A. He found the missing phone and realized it wasn’t stolen after all
B. He realized that he’d have to do paperwork, wait for phone calls, follow up with more phone calls, contact his attorney, etc, if he really wanted to sue us and decided that, like following the signs that said “Private Parking” it was too much work if he wasn’t going to just get a blank check and a complimentary T-shirt the instant he complained
C. He has ADD and got distracted by OOOOH LOOK AT THE SHINY FLASHING NEON SIGN OVER THERE THAT SAYS “KEYS MADE”!!!
D. All of the above
-This is Argabarga with Friendly Neighborhood Towing, I believe someone at this number called looking for a Gold Chrysler from 225 Woodchuck St?
-YES!
-It looks like we have it, that car was called into us for not having a permit for where it parked, it will be $115 to…
-WHAT DO YOU MEAN ONE HUNDRED FIFTYYYY???
-I mean the total charge on the vehicle right now is…
-DON’T GIVE ME ANY ATTITUDE! THAT WAS MY SPACE AND YOU TOWED ME FOR NO REASON, I’M COMING DOWN THERE NOW AND GETTING MY CAR FOR FREE!
-I’m sorry Sir, but I cannot release that vehicle unless it is paid for
-That’s my car and that was MY spot you towed it from!!!! So it’s coming back! RIGHT NOW! FOR FREE!!!! YOU CAN’T TOW ME FROM MY SPACE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!!!
-Actually Sir, we can, that car was called into us for not having a permit for that lot, all vehicles in that lot must display permits to park there, those are the lot rules of A-B-C Reality who own it
-I DON’T GIVE A DAMN WHO CALLED IT IN, I SAID I’M GETTING IT BACK FOR FREE! AND DON’T THINK I WON’T SUE YOU!!! I’VE WON BEFORE AND I’LL JUST WIN AGAIN!!!!! I PAY LIKE $500 A MONTH TO A-G-D REALITY TO GET THAT SPACE!!!!
-Well Sir, the rules for A-B-C Reality are…
-I KNOW WHAT THE RULES FOR A-G-D ARE! AND YOU CAN’T TOW ME!!!! NOW CALL YOUR MANAGER!
-He’ll be in on Monday
-NOT GOOD ENOUGH! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY! CALL THE OWNER!
-Sorry Sir, but if you have any complaints or questions, you’ll have to talk to the manager on Monday, he usually comes in at 9am. For tonight, the only thing I can do is take payment and release the vehicle
-I SAID CALL THE OWNER!
-I have no way of getting in touch with them
-YOU CAN’T CALL YOUR OWNER? YOU HAVE NO WAY OF REACHING HIM?
-No Sir, not at 2am (which it was)
-YOU COULD IF IT WERE AN EMERGENCY!!! AND THAT’S WHAT THIS IS!!! A COMMERCIAL EMERGENCY!!! I’M A DELIVERY DRIVER AND I’M LOSING HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS WITHOUT MY CAR!!!!
How cute, that’s a new one on me. But it’s still not the genuine kind of Emergency ™ that would have me wanting to call the owner up at 2am… I honestly wouldn’t do that unless this place had just become a smoldering crater, and even then, I probably wouldn’t call the owner up. I’d NEED every second of that precious 6 hour head start to get as many time zones ahead of the possible repercussions.
-Like I said Sir, you’ll have to pay to get the car back tonight, and then take up any complaints you have with the manager on Monday
-YOU’RE REALLY RUNNING A SHITTY OPERATION IF YOU CAN’T GET A MANAGER FOR ME RIGHT NOW!!!! GUESS I’ll JUST HAVE TO SUE YOU GUYS! AND DON’T THINK I WON’T WIN! I WIN EVERY TIME!!!!
-Well Sir…
-OR CALL A-G-D REALITY!!! THEY’LL TELL YOU WHO I AM!
-I have no way of contacting anyone with A-B-C Reality at this hour
-FINE! I’LL CALL A-G-D MYSELF!!!
*click*
Awww, that’s too bad, I was really hoping to get some more mileage out of that call, since it had been a fairly uneventful night up till that point. And if he’s been cutting checks to A-G-D Reality instead of A-B-C Reality, well, that might go a long way to explaining why he’s in his current pickle. The icing on the cake? After the call ended, I went out to double-check the car, just to make sure it did not have a permit that I missed somehow. It didn’t, but it did have some mail inside, left on the dash, with a return address of the local Jail… Funny, I thought he said he always wins when matters of law are concerned…..
Time to Kick the Anthill
So named because as I’m hooking the car I came in for, a bunch of people come running out of the building and about 3 other cars in the lot are soon fired up and depart at fast speed. The last guy of the group comes over to me and asks.
-“It’s okay for me to park here right?”
-“Not without a permit” I tell him
-“Well, what about over there?” He asks, pointing across the street
-“That’s the same complex as over here, same rules, no permit? You get towed.”
-“Well, what about in the street?”
-“Borough property, parking is permitted, but not overnight, between 2am and 6am, they ticket and might tow.”
Now he’s getting genuinely angry
-“Well, where the hell am I supposed to park then?”
-“Public parking, either a meter lot or a parking garage”
-“No! I wanna know where the FREE PARKING is!”
Have you tried a Monopoly board? Well, actually, I didn’t say that. I got ever so close to saying it before that tiny little angel living on my right shoulder gave me his patented thousand-yard-stare and cocked his head as if to say “You REALLY wanna say that, huh bub? He also appeared to be palming something in his right hand that looked vaguely like a rusty switchblade, so I ended up responding with an edited-for-public-consumption version of basically the same thing….
-“There isn’t any“
So, he strikes the “tough-guy” pose and marches on down to his car. Gets in, squeals his tires backing out of the spot, squeals his tires leaving the lot and getting on the main road, squeals his tires down the street, and I can hear him squeal them again at the stop sign about 150 yards down at the exit of the neighborhood and onto the main road. Right where the cops always sit at the abandoned convenience store and watch for speeders… I saw the blue and red lights as I came up to the intersection about 4 minutes later, but sadly, they had pulled over someone else.
Oh, and all the commotion in the lot attracted the owner of the vehicle I had hooked. It took 4 tries with 4 different credit cards before she found one in her purse she hadn’t blown her limit on to pay for a drop and a ticket. Fun stuff.
Shocked Senseless
-I’m looking for my car, it was parked at 242 California Avenue, and now it’s missing.
-A silver Mazda MPV van? Maryland plates? Yes we have that vehicle it will be $115 to pick up.
…
…
…
…
Uh oh, did genuine Nextel quality just strike again?
-Ma’m?
…
-I’m speechless! I’m…. I’m…. I’m just FLOORED that you towed me!
Your car doesn’t have a permit, you drove past the sign that said “permit parking only” and left it there overnight… forgive me if I don’t share your opinion.
I Intend to Make Myself a Nuisance, I am Making Myself a Nuisance, Nuisance-Making Complete
This one started with a high suck potential, guy had been towed for having no permit for where he parked and already had tried the usual litany of excuses and yelled and might have cussed a bit. I don’t remember what he said because none of it was memorable. At this point, if you want me to remember you for mocking at a later date, you really have to do something original and annoying… like for example, when we’re filling out the paperwork to release the car say something like:
“There better not be anything missing from inside that car!”
“My cellphone was in the car, and if it’s not there, I’m going to sue you!”
“I really hope I can’t find it, because then I’ll sue you!”
Any one of those lines alone would have been bad enough, but this guy was a firm believer in quantity over quality and used all three in rapid succession. I of course gave the perfunctory responses, No, we don’t enter vehicles, it’s against the law and unnecessary to tow them anyway, there’s security cameras in the back, if you’d like to claim damage/theft, there’s forms to fill out and the managers will review the camera footage in the morning, etc, etc, etc. Still, this guy has pulled the James Bond Villain Mistake™ of basically informing me of a nefarious scheme he’s going to carry out BEFORE he actually does it, so as I’m writing with my left hand I’m reaching into the cupboard under the desk and thumbing for a complaint form with my other because know I know he plans on filing a complaint he knows is baseless just to inconvenience us.
As soon as he walks out I’m already filling it in with the time, date, kind of car, nature of complaint (missing property) and so on when one of my drivers in the back impound lot radios up. Mr. Blofeld is indeed claiming we stole his cellphone because he can’t find it.
“Fine, send him back up for the paperwork” I say
I put the completed form down on the counter with a pen and wait for him to walk in so I can just tell him to sign it and leave and I’ll turn it into the office
And I wait
And wait
And wait
And wait
And after 15 minutes I conclude that Blofeld isn’t going to actually show up. So the form goes in the garbage along with the complaint. Seriously though, I’d like to know if he abandoned the attempt because:
A. He found the missing phone and realized it wasn’t stolen after all
B. He realized that he’d have to do paperwork, wait for phone calls, follow up with more phone calls, contact his attorney, etc, if he really wanted to sue us and decided that, like following the signs that said “Private Parking” it was too much work if he wasn’t going to just get a blank check and a complimentary T-shirt the instant he complained
C. He has ADD and got distracted by OOOOH LOOK AT THE SHINY FLASHING NEON SIGN OVER THERE THAT SAYS “KEYS MADE”!!!
D. All of the above
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