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Since I've been getting so much....material....lately I'm going to start posting them in smaller digests every day or two. Rather then one colossal post on Sunday that keeps being too large for a single post.
This is from yesterday alone:
Hobo Combat
I had the privilege of witnessing a hobo battle outside of 7/11 this evening. How do hobos engage in a test of arms you ask? Apparently by yelling a lot, shaking coin cups and making more bizarre hand motions then the entire cast of Charmed. I'm not entirely sure how victory was decided but at some point one hobo managed to finally cast the spell that made the other hobo flee the scene and thus peace was restored.
The Fridge....
The fridge apparently died sometime earlier today….and then something in the fridge died shortly after. So for the love of all that’s holy if you MUST open the fridge, don't inhale. You'll get CANCER.
(Brownie points if you get the reference. ^^)
Lost & Found
SC: "We arrived late and lost the plane."
…lost it? I'm not entirely sure how you lose a large commercial passenger jet. Oh well, it is a multi-ton aircraft. It can't be THAT hard to find…..did you check your purse? Behind the couch? Under the sink? Wait, I know. Head outside and wander around dangerously close to the aircraft till you get sucked into a jet intake. Mystery solved! Sure you may end up being reduced to a fine red mist and sprayed across the pavement and any horrified nearby ground crew (Whom will be scarred for life), but at least you'll find the plane!
I have all the answers.
Argh, V.
Me: "M as in Mary, D as in David, V as in Victor"
SC: "B?"
Me: "V, as in Victor."
SC: "B as in Victor?"
Me: "No, V as in Victor or Victory."
SC: "I don't understand. B as in Bictor?"
Me: "Vee."
SC: "V?"
Me: "Yes!"
Its always the V! Maybe I need to change my approach. Victor doesn't seem to work. How about V as in Vasectomy?
867: The Messiah
I got a call tonight from the 867 area code from a person who did not appear to have spent the last 6 hours licking the inside of a gas can. But that wasn't all! They had a CREDIT CARD! Holy sweet baby Jesus slap fighting Buddha over the last Eggo waffle. A credit card! I've been working here for 6 years and I've only ever had a caller with a credit card twice and never, ever from the 867 area code. Its like the Heavens have parted and angels descended to earth to deliver 6 extra braincells and a CIBC Visa application to the Chosen One in Nunavut.
But of course, it was all too good to be true:
Me: "That comes to $216 and we'll take about a week with express shipping."
SC: "What? But the sub-total when I add it up on your website is only $178!"
Me: "Yes, sub total. That's before tax and shipping."
SC: "….oh"
Thus the dream was shattered.
867
"Extra Large" and "Pink Camo" are two things that should not be combined in the same sentence unless the term "not", "never" or "Oh please Jesus no don't wear that" is also present.
The Prophecy
SC: "Is this <client name>?"
Me: "No, sorry, this is his paging service."
SC: "Oh, sorry about that."
Me: "I can page him for you though."
SC: "Really? Great, thank you! <click>"
Or at least I could if you had imparted to me a single piece of critical information: Your phone number. But alas, you did not. Instead you appear to be assuming that this call center, like all call centers, only employs psychics, prophets and witches who can divine such information without assistance. Unfortunately for you I am neither psychic nor a witch. But, you're in luck! For I am, in fact, a prophet. Wanna see?
I predict that you will call back in a little while.
( Yes, my prophecy came true too. I am the second coming of Nostradamus. )
Thank you, come again.
SC: "Yeah, well thanks for nothing! Bye <click>"
You are completely, utterly and fantastically welcome. If there's ever anything else I cannot assist with by all means call back.
Capacity
SC: "Can I get the fax number for the office?"
Me: "For the main office or operations?"
SC: "Better give me both."
Me: "Ok, main office is xxx-xxxx"
SC: "Ok."
Me: "and operations is xxx-"
SC: "Yep"
Me: "xxxx"
SC: "Ok, great……..can I get those both again?
Me: "…."
….not exactly the brightest crayon in the box are you? In fact I'd say your intellectual capacity is rather…...minuscule. I'm not quite sure what the correct term is……..all the kids these days use it…what was it….."mental midget"? Oh, wait, I know.
Away, brain dwarf! AWAY!
That's all just one day. ><
This is from yesterday alone:
Hobo Combat
I had the privilege of witnessing a hobo battle outside of 7/11 this evening. How do hobos engage in a test of arms you ask? Apparently by yelling a lot, shaking coin cups and making more bizarre hand motions then the entire cast of Charmed. I'm not entirely sure how victory was decided but at some point one hobo managed to finally cast the spell that made the other hobo flee the scene and thus peace was restored.
The Fridge....
The fridge apparently died sometime earlier today….and then something in the fridge died shortly after. So for the love of all that’s holy if you MUST open the fridge, don't inhale. You'll get CANCER.
(Brownie points if you get the reference. ^^)
Lost & Found
SC: "We arrived late and lost the plane."
…lost it? I'm not entirely sure how you lose a large commercial passenger jet. Oh well, it is a multi-ton aircraft. It can't be THAT hard to find…..did you check your purse? Behind the couch? Under the sink? Wait, I know. Head outside and wander around dangerously close to the aircraft till you get sucked into a jet intake. Mystery solved! Sure you may end up being reduced to a fine red mist and sprayed across the pavement and any horrified nearby ground crew (Whom will be scarred for life), but at least you'll find the plane!
I have all the answers.
Argh, V.
Me: "M as in Mary, D as in David, V as in Victor"
SC: "B?"
Me: "V, as in Victor."
SC: "B as in Victor?"
Me: "No, V as in Victor or Victory."
SC: "I don't understand. B as in Bictor?"
Me: "Vee."
SC: "V?"
Me: "Yes!"
Its always the V! Maybe I need to change my approach. Victor doesn't seem to work. How about V as in Vasectomy?
867: The Messiah
I got a call tonight from the 867 area code from a person who did not appear to have spent the last 6 hours licking the inside of a gas can. But that wasn't all! They had a CREDIT CARD! Holy sweet baby Jesus slap fighting Buddha over the last Eggo waffle. A credit card! I've been working here for 6 years and I've only ever had a caller with a credit card twice and never, ever from the 867 area code. Its like the Heavens have parted and angels descended to earth to deliver 6 extra braincells and a CIBC Visa application to the Chosen One in Nunavut.
But of course, it was all too good to be true:
Me: "That comes to $216 and we'll take about a week with express shipping."
SC: "What? But the sub-total when I add it up on your website is only $178!"
Me: "Yes, sub total. That's before tax and shipping."
SC: "….oh"
Thus the dream was shattered.
867
"Extra Large" and "Pink Camo" are two things that should not be combined in the same sentence unless the term "not", "never" or "Oh please Jesus no don't wear that" is also present.
The Prophecy
SC: "Is this <client name>?"
Me: "No, sorry, this is his paging service."
SC: "Oh, sorry about that."
Me: "I can page him for you though."
SC: "Really? Great, thank you! <click>"
Or at least I could if you had imparted to me a single piece of critical information: Your phone number. But alas, you did not. Instead you appear to be assuming that this call center, like all call centers, only employs psychics, prophets and witches who can divine such information without assistance. Unfortunately for you I am neither psychic nor a witch. But, you're in luck! For I am, in fact, a prophet. Wanna see?
I predict that you will call back in a little while.
( Yes, my prophecy came true too. I am the second coming of Nostradamus. )
Thank you, come again.
SC: "Yeah, well thanks for nothing! Bye <click>"
You are completely, utterly and fantastically welcome. If there's ever anything else I cannot assist with by all means call back.
Capacity
SC: "Can I get the fax number for the office?"
Me: "For the main office or operations?"
SC: "Better give me both."
Me: "Ok, main office is xxx-xxxx"
SC: "Ok."
Me: "and operations is xxx-"
SC: "Yep"
Me: "xxxx"
SC: "Ok, great……..can I get those both again?
Me: "…."
….not exactly the brightest crayon in the box are you? In fact I'd say your intellectual capacity is rather…...minuscule. I'm not quite sure what the correct term is……..all the kids these days use it…what was it….."mental midget"? Oh, wait, I know.
Away, brain dwarf! AWAY!
That's all just one day. ><
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