Fifty Shades of Brown

[cashierbex]

I was wondering why I was craving toast when I woke up. Then I re-read the title and it all came back to me.

[Ree]

You always seem to have the most unbelievable stuff happen in your place.
They should film it for a BBC sitcom.

I would have wondered if the dude in the bathroom was dead after a while if he slept through all that.

[caitsith2]

SC: Yes, make sure those beef burgers are chicken.

Since when did chickens start mooing like a cow, or exactly when did cows start clucking like a chicken?

[wolfie]

SC: Can I order a rump steak please?
Me: Sure. How do you like it cooked?
SC: Huh! Well, I hope it’s completely cooked if it’s all the same!
Me: OK *hits well done button*
SC: And does that come with hollandaise sauce?
Me: No it does not.
SC: Well that’s odd.
Me: Oh?
SC: Well it’s salmon! Hollandaise goes well with salmon!
Me: Salmon? But you asked for rump.
SC: What? I did not.
Me: OK. Well, we don’t actually sell salmon here…
SC: But you just asked how I would like it cooked!
Me: Because I thought you asked for a beef rump steak.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SC: Can I order two beef burgers please?
Me: Sure thing.

I went through the whole process.

SC: And make sure those are chicken.
Me: Chicken?
SC: Yes, make sure those beef burgers are chicken.
Me: So you want two chicken burgers?
SC: No that’s not what I’m asking for.
Me: Then what are you asking for?

With the intelligence your customers are showing, I'm waiting for the post where someone orders a Kosher bacon cheeseburger.

[taxguykarl]

With the intelligence your customers are showing, I'm waiting for the post where someone orders a Kosher bacon cheeseburger.

Give them time...give them time

[vloglady]

As a response to the story of the guy who fell asleep in the toilet.....


I would have taken a cup of water and heaved it over the top of the cubicle. You would still be outside and he would be contained.

[Pixilated]

SG: I bet I have more experience than half your staff put together!

SG: I know how to change barrels! I bet none of your staff are intelligent enough to do that!

SG: Oh, so I guess you would rather have people who serve with a grimace than people who serve with a smile???

Manager lost patience.

M: Geez! I can’t imagine why no one will hire you!
SG: What?
M: Just…just…shoo!
SG: Fine! Your loss!

She's a natural for the "How Not to Get Hired 101" thread!

M: I’M GOING TO SHOVE THIS TOAST UP HER FUCKING ASS IN A MINUTE!

A co-worker chose that moment to walk out the door. Manager’s voice echoed throughout the whole pub. EVERYONE heard her, including the SC. The SC sheepishly walked up to the bar.

SC: Umm, can you tell the manager it doesn’t matter. I’m not hungry anymore.

SC fled the building.

*snip*

I love your manager! And I'm betting that customer never comes back. A win-win all around!

[Beckpatton]

I believe that this is the second time you mentioned someone bragging about knowing how to change the barrels. I assume these are what we refer to as 'kegs' in the U.S. If so what is the big deal. You grab the handle to the hose on the empty one, twist and pull, move it to the full one, push and twist again.

Do yours have some extra complcated system?

I found that odd also! I've worked in a UK pub, and I could run down a flight of stairs, change a barrel and be back behind a crowded bar before anyone even noticed I was gone! But I wouldn't use that as a selling point on why someone should hire me! It's not that big a deal!

"Oooh I know how to do my job! I'm special!!"

[RealUnimportant]

How did SG think the bar was able to stay open if no-one was capable of changing barrels... ???

[Jay]

Sadly, I've had experiences showing every bit the lack of intelligence as that displayed in the original post.

I think people have gotten to the point where they just turn their brain off when they enter a place of business.

[Kristev]

No, that's not it. They never had a brain to start with.

[Jester]

With the intelligence your customers are showing, I'm waiting for the post where someone orders a Kosher bacon cheeseburger.

Amusingly, back when I worked for TGI Friday's, we would commonly get this idiocy:

CUSTOMER: "I'd like a virgin mudslide, please."
SERVER: "Right. A chocolate shake."
CUSTOMER: "No. A virgin mudslide."
SERVER: "Which is basically a chocolate shake, since we have no way to add the flavors of Kahlua and Bailey's without using booze. Which leaves you with a chocolate shake."
CUSTOMER: "..."

[wolfie]

At least they didn't try ordering a virgin Martini, Rusty Nail, or Black Russian.

[AmbrosiaWriter]

At least they didn't try ordering a virgin Martini, Rusty Nail, or Black Russian.

I heard someone order a virgin Irish Carbomb when I was at a wedding. I don't usually drink, so I was just chatting with the bartenders, learning about how to mix the drinks when this came up. All three bartenders, and myself stopped cold, turned and stared at the person.

[firecat88]

I heard someone order a virgin Irish Carbomb when I was at a wedding. I don't usually drink, so I was just chatting with the bartenders, learning about how to mix the drinks when this came up. All three bartenders, and myself stopped cold, turned and stared at the person.

"Alright, here's your glass of air. Free of charge."