Let's dicker on internet pricing

[TNT]

There must have been one of those lame articles on "How to negotiate a lower internet price" posted in recent days. All this week, I've been inundated with calls like this:

Caller: How much can you lower my internet price?
Me: Um... we have a standard price... it is what is.
Caller: You've got to be able to do better than $40 a month.
Me: Um... no.
Caller: Well there must be someone who can lower my price.
Me: Um... I could transfer you to sales. They won't do anything, but I could transfer you anyway.
Caller: I've been transferred to six people so far. All I'm getting is the runaround. I insist on being transferred to someone who will lower the price. What kind of f*****g company is this? [obscenity, obscenity, obscenity]
Me: Is there anything else I can help you with?

Did I miss something? Did the US Congress pass some sort of "Name Your Own Price" law that we haven't heard about yet? I'm used to getting calls like this every now and then, but never so many... and so never so many where the customers got positively irate.

For what it's worth, I've been in the cable business for a year... in that time, I've made deals exactly three times.

[SCSlave]

Why is it that when customers don't get their way they call it 'getting the runaround"?? I mean, you'd think by the third time he got the same answer you'd think a lightbulb would go off and he'd realize "Oh..maybe I can't get it cheaper" But, then again, this is an SC we're talking about....

I got that a lot when I was chained to a phone all day. "Well Satelite has it for way less than YOU do." Yes, I'm sure they do. Would you like to know why? I'll tell you why. Because it's satellite...therefore, it goes out everytime a bird farts. And you're offline for hours. How do I know this? I had satellite internet once...and It was out 95 per cent of the time. So you go right ahead and cancel the 'always on' internet connection and go to the 'always off' connection...I promise..you'll be back.

[Geek King]

"Well Satelite has it for way less than YOU do." Yes, I'm sure they do. Would you like to know why? I'll tell you why. Because it's satellite...therefore, it goes out everytime a bird farts. And you're offline for hours. How do I know this? I had satellite internet once...and It was out 95 per cent of the time. So you go right ahead and cancel the 'always on' internet connection and go to the 'always off' connection...I promise..you'll be back.

Wait a second. I've priced Satalite Intenet. It is stupidly expensive and slower than DSL. It is a terrible option, only to be used by those people who are too far from anything to make other options viable. Somehow they think it is cheaper? Idiots. They deserve to switch.

[greensinestro]

But, this is the 21st century where rudeness and obcenity get you whatever you want. Don't you know that by now?

Working for technical support, I deal with that constantly. I am always asked, "Well, it's $9.95 now. Don't you have something lower than that?" What the hell do these people expect for a low price? And, on top of that, they get pissed and steamed when they find out they aren't able to download videos and music like you can on DSL or cable.

On an earlier post, I talked about unprofitable customers, and the man in Boca Raton who got a 30 day credit every month. The reason? It was because his phone rates were fixed and nobody was able to give him a lower rate (he had the bare bones service). So, instead of someone breaking the law or going against Public Service Commission tariffs, he would instead get a credit to shut him up. Supervisors were always the ones who dealt with this headache.

[Mongo Skruddgemire]

If you want to go with Sat TV, that's all well and good. For internet go Cable or DSL.

Or if/when I win the lottery...I'm getting an OC-48 line installed

M

*OC-48 (STM-16x)

OC-48 is a network line with transmission speeds of up to 2488.32 Mbit/s (payload: 2405.376 Mbit/s; overhead: 82.944 Mbit/s).

OC-48 connections are some of the fastest data connections in use today. Faster than OC-3, OC-12 connections, and even surpassing gigabit Ethernet, OC-48 connections are used as the backbones of many regional ISPs. Interconnections between large ISPs for purposes of peering or transit are quite common. As of 2005, the only connections in widespread use that surpass OC-48 speeds are OC-192 and 10 gigabit Ethernet.

[Boozy]

Caller: I've been transferred to six people so far. All I'm getting is the runaround.

Gee, Inspector, perhaps you should look at the trail of clues...

[TNT]

Gee, Inspector, perhaps you should look at the trail of clues...

Or, as I'm so fond of saying these days, "The clue phone's ringing... and I'm sure the call is for you."

The reason these folks annoy me is that they're almost always among out most demanding customers... the kind who won't press a button on their computer without consulting tech support first. Unless, of course, a button pops up and asks them to download an unknown piece of software. Then they call and expect us to clean their computers.

After all, why waste valuable brain cells when there's free tech support 24/7. "Free" means it doesn't cost anybody anything...

Actually, I think cable should offer a $19.99 a month rate for internet, with the following provisions:

1. We promise a working connection up to the house... if it's anything inside the house, call an electrician or pc tech.

2. If it is something that's our problem, the appointment window is "We'll get there when we get there, probably sometime within a week or two. If you're not home, you go to the bottom of the list."

3. Telephone tech support will be provided by the current group of trainees. They'll be limited to "Yes, you have a connection" or "no, you don't have a connection."

4. If you call us because you can't log into AOL, you're suspended from the internet until you pass a lengthy test.

[Imogene]

Is this for a hotel chain, perhaps?
In which case, you could probably blame Bill Shatner for his damned PriceLine Negotiator commercials.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Is this for a hotel chain, perhaps?
In which case, you could probably blame Bill Shatner for his damned PriceLine Negotiator commercials.

Hmm, maybe Bill can get me a deal for a hotel for my friend's wedding...i'm looking at 4-500 just for the hotel - dog help my friends who will be flying there too!

[protege]

4. If you call us because you can't log into AOL, you're suspended from the internet until you pass a lengthy test.

You act like that's a bad thing

[TNT]

You act like that's a bad thing

I sometimes wonder what life is like for an AOL support tech. I imagine them hearing things like, "Do I need to put a stamp on my email or does the post office keep track of that and bill me later?"

Ah, but I can't really pick on AOL... cable internet is so accessible that we get our share of the clueless. We have quite a few customers who don't realize there's more to the internet than what we show on the company's home page.

[Tigress]

I get clueless halfwits calling me all the time because their Internet isn't working and want me to fix it for them over the phone.

1 - No ISP is completely flawless. You are going to have outages occasionally. Deal with it.
2 - I don't work for the cable/DSL/satellite/dial-up company. I don't know if they are having issues.
3 - I am too busy to do tech support over the phone. And I get yelled at if I spend too much time on the phone.
4 - I'm not giving you my knowledge for free. If you screwed something up, expect to pay for it.