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So far this year, haven't had any real storyworthy folks. And honestly, most of my stories are accumulated from several different shifts, different days, different weeks sometimes.
But this post is interesting, as every single one of these things happened during my shift today (Friday).
Usain Bolt? Slowpoke.
So as I'm getting a small rush at the bar, one of the servers asks me to ring up a t-shirt for a customer. (The manager was gone momentarily, and the servers don't have access to his register, whereas I have my own register behind the bar.) Anyway, I said "No problem," and finished filling up soft drinks for two of my bar customers, which took approximately three seconds. And then I reached for the shirt that had been left upon my bar, and as I did so, the customer said, "Can you move faster? I don't have much time." To which I simply replied, "Darlin', I'm moving as FAST as I CAN." In other words, try letting the poor peon bartender breathe and actually do his job before you complain. I'm not your bitch, bitch.
Precision Parking and Defensive Driving Modes, Off. WAY Off.
I noticed a guy in a van trying to park in front of our entrance. Which is a yellow curb. There are two metered spots in front of our place, one directly in front of and one directly behind the yellow curb, which is directly in front of our entrance. We don't like our entrance blocked, but as I said, it's a yellow curb, hence not a legal parking place. We deal with this crap all the time. So, as I was heading out to polite inform the wayward parker that he could not, in fact, park there, we notice him back up close enough to the vehicle behind him to actually hit it with his rear-mounted bike rack. Probably scratched the paint. Great. Can't see a yellow curb, can't park worth a damn. But certainly, at the very least, he will appreciate my helping him avoid a ticket, right? Riiiiiiight.
ME: "Excuse me, sir? I thought I should tell you, this is a yellow curb, and if you park here, the City WILL ticket you."
DRIVER: (defensively) "Okay, okay, I'll move it!"
Hey pal, just trying to help...don't jump down MY throat.
Naturally, as he was maneuvering to leave the space, he once again scratched up the hood of the vehicle behind him with the bike rack. Idjit.
He's a Professional.
Many places in Key West contract out deliveries through a delivery service. We are no different. A driver shows up to pick up such an order.
DRIVER: "Hey, I left my wallet at home, can I get you later?"
JESTER: "Um, I guess, as long as you understand I'm only here till 7."
DRIVER: "Okay, I'll go home right then!"
And he leaves.
It was only about 3.
Which means, I guess, that he thought I would just float him until next time, whenever that would be. Um, no.
Besides, if you need to make change for people, why in the delivering HELL wouldn't you think to have your wallet on you?
Dessert Funnies
Group of four is dining and drinking at the bar. We have a rapport, and are exchanging witty banter back and forth; the wives have told me the guys are smart asses, I have explained that I am the King of All Smart Asses. And as I said, there was much merriment. And then, one of the women ordered dessert. And when I brought out her key lime pie, and she saw the strawberry sauce that was artfully drizzled on the plate, this happened:
HER: "Is that ketchup?"
ME: "Ex-CUSE me?"
HER: "..."
ME: "Yes ma'am, that's ketchup. Would you like some mustard or steak sauce for your pie?"
HER FRIENDS:
HER:
ME: "Perhaps some Tabasco?"
ALL FOUR OF THEM:
Sweet lady, I'll admit, but like many of us have had happen to us, she opened her mouth, and The Stupid came out. And there was nothing she could do about it other than suffer the consequences.
But this post is interesting, as every single one of these things happened during my shift today (Friday).
Usain Bolt? Slowpoke.
So as I'm getting a small rush at the bar, one of the servers asks me to ring up a t-shirt for a customer. (The manager was gone momentarily, and the servers don't have access to his register, whereas I have my own register behind the bar.) Anyway, I said "No problem," and finished filling up soft drinks for two of my bar customers, which took approximately three seconds. And then I reached for the shirt that had been left upon my bar, and as I did so, the customer said, "Can you move faster? I don't have much time." To which I simply replied, "Darlin', I'm moving as FAST as I CAN." In other words, try letting the poor peon bartender breathe and actually do his job before you complain. I'm not your bitch, bitch.
Precision Parking and Defensive Driving Modes, Off. WAY Off.
I noticed a guy in a van trying to park in front of our entrance. Which is a yellow curb. There are two metered spots in front of our place, one directly in front of and one directly behind the yellow curb, which is directly in front of our entrance. We don't like our entrance blocked, but as I said, it's a yellow curb, hence not a legal parking place. We deal with this crap all the time. So, as I was heading out to polite inform the wayward parker that he could not, in fact, park there, we notice him back up close enough to the vehicle behind him to actually hit it with his rear-mounted bike rack. Probably scratched the paint. Great. Can't see a yellow curb, can't park worth a damn. But certainly, at the very least, he will appreciate my helping him avoid a ticket, right? Riiiiiiight.
ME: "Excuse me, sir? I thought I should tell you, this is a yellow curb, and if you park here, the City WILL ticket you."
DRIVER: (defensively) "Okay, okay, I'll move it!"
Hey pal, just trying to help...don't jump down MY throat.
Naturally, as he was maneuvering to leave the space, he once again scratched up the hood of the vehicle behind him with the bike rack. Idjit.
He's a Professional.
Many places in Key West contract out deliveries through a delivery service. We are no different. A driver shows up to pick up such an order.
DRIVER: "Hey, I left my wallet at home, can I get you later?"
JESTER: "Um, I guess, as long as you understand I'm only here till 7."
DRIVER: "Okay, I'll go home right then!"
And he leaves.
It was only about 3.
Which means, I guess, that he thought I would just float him until next time, whenever that would be. Um, no.
Besides, if you need to make change for people, why in the delivering HELL wouldn't you think to have your wallet on you?
Dessert Funnies
Group of four is dining and drinking at the bar. We have a rapport, and are exchanging witty banter back and forth; the wives have told me the guys are smart asses, I have explained that I am the King of All Smart Asses. And as I said, there was much merriment. And then, one of the women ordered dessert. And when I brought out her key lime pie, and she saw the strawberry sauce that was artfully drizzled on the plate, this happened:
HER: "Is that ketchup?"
ME: "Ex-CUSE me?"
HER: "..."
ME: "Yes ma'am, that's ketchup. Would you like some mustard or steak sauce for your pie?"
HER FRIENDS:
HER:
ME: "Perhaps some Tabasco?"
ALL FOUR OF THEM:
Sweet lady, I'll admit, but like many of us have had happen to us, she opened her mouth, and The Stupid came out. And there was nothing she could do about it other than suffer the consequences.
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