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A few random ones I've been saving.
SHUTTLE GUY
*phone rings*
Me: *spiel*
SC: "Yeah, do you have a free shuttle to the airport?"
Me: "No, we don't. Most guests take a taxi, which runs $15-20."
SC: "I really need that free shuttle. Do you know anyone who does?"
Me: "I'm not entirely sure. You may try checking [a couple selections]."
SC: "Oh, they're pretty pricey. I think [one option] was $1XX when I checked."
Me: "Well, if you need a shuttle included, those would be your best bets."
SC: "Thanks, I'll check them."
I wasn't going to go into a lecture on how "free" amenities are simply
included in a higher room rent. As a bonus, our room rates plus a taxi
still total less than the rate he mentioned.
GROAN
I was checking in a couple military guys. Young military guys are the
best. They were getting rooms for them and their girlfriends. I was
almost done with the check-in process when the girls began to
approach.
Guy: "Watch this."
*girls walk in*
Guy: *in a dead serious tone* "Sorry guys, they're all full."
Girl: "What? But we already unloaded everything!"
Guy: "Yeah, but I guess they're full."
Girl: *turns to me with exasperated look*
Me:
Guy: "Hah! Psych!"
Girl: "You are so mean!"
Guy:
MY RAD SHAWL
This one's a couple weeks old. I like scarves and shawls, and was
wearing a shawl on this particular night. These two drunk dudes first
walk up to my night window. I have a lobby FULL of people, they they
can clearly see. I finish clearing my lobby.
Guy1: "Yeah, can we get a room tonight?"
Me: "Sure. You can come in, you know."
Guy1: "Oh, really? We didn't know."
Me: :facepalm:
I start checking them in.
Guy1: "We were just talking out there about how much we love your shawl."
Guy2: "Yeah, it's a rad shawl!"
Me: "Aww, thanks."
Guy2: "You look f***ing hot in that shawl."
Guy1: "Come on, now don't be like that."
FTR I wasn't offended. They weren't hitting on me, that was clear.
They were all over each other during the check-in, so I'm pretty sure
I wasn't their type. They were also very drunk.
And besides, I do look f***ing hot in that shawl.
Shawls are cool.
BIPOLAR MUCH?
I was checking in the guest. It was late (about 9pm), so all the good
parking spaces were filling up. We were only about 50% full, though,
so there was still lots of parking on the property.
Guest: "And can we get something downstairs?"
Me: "I actually have you right here along the front." *points on map*
Guest: "Oh, that's wonderful! That's away from the highway, yes?"
Me: "It's the quietest one I have."
Guest: *happy*
I check her in, and she goes to the room. She comes back a minute
later. Cue tirade.
Guest: "There's no parking!!!"
Me: *looks at an almost empty lot in front of the office* "There's
parking over there."
Guest: "But there's no parking in front of the room!!! We ALWAYS park
in front of the room!"
Me: "I'm sorry. I don't have any rooms with parking right in front of them."
Guest: "This is just DISGUSTING! No parking, no bathtubs, this is
awful!" *storms out*
30 seconds later...
Guest: "Someone parked in front of [room] just left. Can we park there?"
Me: *still a bit shell-shocked* "uh...yeah. You can park anywhere
there's an open space."
Guest: *suddenly quite cheery* "Thank you! That's just perfect! The
room looks lovely, too!"
When she checked out the next morning, CW was at the desk and I was in the back office doing
paperwork. I overheard about how the lady last night "just put a
bright spot in our day". She'd had a rough flight but apparently I
ended her day on a good note?
NON-SMOKING ROOM IS NON-SMOKING
A guest came to check-in. His name was flagged.
Me: "I'm sorry, but based on past experience, I cannot rent to you."
SC: "Why?"
Me: *looks it up* "It says 'smoking violation'."
SC: "Smoking violation? What's that?"
Me: "Well, did you smoke in a non-smoking room?"
SC: "Oh." *wave of comprehension hits*
Me: "That would do it."
He left without arguing after that.
SHUTTLE GUY
*phone rings*
Me: *spiel*
SC: "Yeah, do you have a free shuttle to the airport?"
Me: "No, we don't. Most guests take a taxi, which runs $15-20."
SC: "I really need that free shuttle. Do you know anyone who does?"
Me: "I'm not entirely sure. You may try checking [a couple selections]."
SC: "Oh, they're pretty pricey. I think [one option] was $1XX when I checked."
Me: "Well, if you need a shuttle included, those would be your best bets."
SC: "Thanks, I'll check them."
I wasn't going to go into a lecture on how "free" amenities are simply
included in a higher room rent. As a bonus, our room rates plus a taxi
still total less than the rate he mentioned.
GROAN
I was checking in a couple military guys. Young military guys are the
best. They were getting rooms for them and their girlfriends. I was
almost done with the check-in process when the girls began to
approach.
Guy: "Watch this."
*girls walk in*
Guy: *in a dead serious tone* "Sorry guys, they're all full."
Girl: "What? But we already unloaded everything!"
Guy: "Yeah, but I guess they're full."
Girl: *turns to me with exasperated look*
Me:
Guy: "Hah! Psych!"
Girl: "You are so mean!"
Guy:
MY RAD SHAWL
This one's a couple weeks old. I like scarves and shawls, and was
wearing a shawl on this particular night. These two drunk dudes first
walk up to my night window. I have a lobby FULL of people, they they
can clearly see. I finish clearing my lobby.
Guy1: "Yeah, can we get a room tonight?"
Me: "Sure. You can come in, you know."
Guy1: "Oh, really? We didn't know."
Me: :facepalm:
I start checking them in.
Guy1: "We were just talking out there about how much we love your shawl."
Guy2: "Yeah, it's a rad shawl!"
Me: "Aww, thanks."
Guy2: "You look f***ing hot in that shawl."
Guy1: "Come on, now don't be like that."
FTR I wasn't offended. They weren't hitting on me, that was clear.
They were all over each other during the check-in, so I'm pretty sure
I wasn't their type. They were also very drunk.
And besides, I do look f***ing hot in that shawl.
Shawls are cool.
BIPOLAR MUCH?
I was checking in the guest. It was late (about 9pm), so all the good
parking spaces were filling up. We were only about 50% full, though,
so there was still lots of parking on the property.
Guest: "And can we get something downstairs?"
Me: "I actually have you right here along the front." *points on map*
Guest: "Oh, that's wonderful! That's away from the highway, yes?"
Me: "It's the quietest one I have."
Guest: *happy*
I check her in, and she goes to the room. She comes back a minute
later. Cue tirade.
Guest: "There's no parking!!!"
Me: *looks at an almost empty lot in front of the office* "There's
parking over there."
Guest: "But there's no parking in front of the room!!! We ALWAYS park
in front of the room!"
Me: "I'm sorry. I don't have any rooms with parking right in front of them."
Guest: "This is just DISGUSTING! No parking, no bathtubs, this is
awful!" *storms out*
30 seconds later...
Guest: "Someone parked in front of [room] just left. Can we park there?"
Me: *still a bit shell-shocked* "uh...yeah. You can park anywhere
there's an open space."
Guest: *suddenly quite cheery* "Thank you! That's just perfect! The
room looks lovely, too!"
When she checked out the next morning, CW was at the desk and I was in the back office doing
paperwork. I overheard about how the lady last night "just put a
bright spot in our day". She'd had a rough flight but apparently I
ended her day on a good note?
NON-SMOKING ROOM IS NON-SMOKING
A guest came to check-in. His name was flagged.
Me: "I'm sorry, but based on past experience, I cannot rent to you."
SC: "Why?"
Me: *looks it up* "It says 'smoking violation'."
SC: "Smoking violation? What's that?"
Me: "Well, did you smoke in a non-smoking room?"
SC: "Oh." *wave of comprehension hits*
Me: "That would do it."
He left without arguing after that.
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