Customer Nicknames

[ArenaBoy]

Expensive Dinner Man: I posted about him before, and I just posted about him in Sightings. Earned this nickname because he wanted to bet an expensive dinner with me that he knew policy better than I did. What happened was he wanted me to move a barricade that can be moved when a supervisor says so. He tried to cut through and wanted me to move the barrels. I told him no, argument ensues and the question that he asks that warranted his nickname: "DO YOU WANT TO BET AN EXPENSIVE DINNER OVER THIS ARENABOY!?!?!?!?" Thus the name Expensive Dinner Man.

[AFpheonix]

Well, we know all of our customers by name, so very few have nicknames. But, several have earned them.

Cat Butt Face: Nasty woman with a very pinched, thin face, puckers up exactly like...well....you know, when she gets mad over whatever it is that made her mad that day. Her husband is very sweet, though. We shake our heads over that pairing.

Albino: A woman that took me a second to figure out what her gender was. She looks EXACTLY like the Albino in Princess Bride. Scary. Slightly better skin, at least.

The Guy Who Looks Like Adam Corrolla: Yep. Makes me do a double take every time he comes in to pick up.

[Rapscallion]

Angry Ben/Mental Ben/Green Wanker. Same person each time, but there are several people who hate him.

Raspcallion

[Ringtail Z28]

I've mentioned a few of these before.

Boba Fatt Bane of the Toy Department. An oh so annoying Star Wars collector who came in about once a week just as the store opened. A very stereotypical Star Wars geek who was about 6'6", morbidly obese, greasy skullet, foul body odor, always wore old faded Star Wars shirts that were too small so every roll and bulge of his gut was visable and either wore shorty shorts or too tight sweatpants that proved it was possible for men to have camel toe. He would frequently make rediculous requests for special orders on items that weren't produced anymore and threats of lawsuits when he didn't get what he wanted.

OBB Old Black Bitch. Mean old woman who would yell at employees and throw things if they didn't do what she wanted or moved too slow. Frequently threatened to have her gangbanger grandsons kill employees who wouldn't do what she wanted. She ended up getting physically thrown out of the store by an employee she slapped. She was later banned from the store, only to come back one day crying and begging to be let back in after she was banned from a nearby Wal-Mart.

Creepy and Son An insane old woman who would always get into loud arguements with herself, didn't really bother any employees though. Her son was kinda the same, except for one time when he started a fight with a shelf of bread. He once paid me five bucks to listen to him talk.

[Kitten in the box]

Bathroom Talker: weird lady who talks to herself in the bathroom about anything that strikes her fancy....she will also talk to herself when she is outside and even got into an arguement with herself over money

UFO/Dog/Cat Lady: Lady who use to come into our store....harmless enough but liked to tell others how a ufo stole her dog and cat killed them then brought them back to life and now she speaks with aliens. Oh, yeah....the police and animal control are after her pets and her because she rode in ship with the aliens and has valuable information about the rising cost of living.

[freaktard]

At my old job we had a customer known throughout the store as The Hippo.

She would come in every two weeks or so with the express purpose of ripping the store off, usually trying to make a fraudulent return, or get a huge discount she wasn't entitled to.

The reason she was called The Hippo had nothing to do with her weight (she wasn't heavy). It was because she was a complete hypocrite (get it?). Every time she came in she would work into the conversation that she was a "good christian woman." The phrase "good christian" is forever ruined for me.

[Discourtesy Clerk]

Hee hee. I love nicknaming my SCs. Let's see who I can remember.

Taxi Lady: This lady comes in at night, wearing the largest hats and loudest makeup I've ever seen, spends two or three hours wandering around doing about 20 minutes worth of shopping, takes a half hour to check out, then waits till AFTER the transaction to go bug the service desk to call a taxi. We all run and hide when we see her, because she'll steal all your time with inescapable one-sided conversation. I take it upon myself to go warn the service desk girls when she comes in...all I gotta say is "Taxi Lady", and they sigh in defeat.

Not-So-Secret Shoppers: The two old ladies that come in and shop us every quarter. They are horrible at hiding it. Notebooks out in plain sight, go around and ask every employee the same question, obscure requests to each department in clockwise order...we make sure someone goes around and notifies every dept., and have someone subtly tail her. Wonder where we get those 10s...

Babble Boy "Mentally challenged" child of a customer. His mother drops him off in front of the store every day while she shops, and he runs around everywhere screaming incoherently and pulling his shirt off. Mommy was just arrested for shoplifting and banned for life, though, so Babble Boy is no more. Yay!

Russian Melon Lady Reamed me out once because I brought her a melon that was too yellow. They were all supposed to be yellow. Comes in occasionally, never without insulting something about us or our store in that haughty Russian accent of hers.

The Lesbiancient Senile old bat that would come in and specifically request me for her service out, so she could spend the whole time asking me inappropriately personal questions, such as "Are you adopted?" and saying she liked young girls. Was obsessed with finding out what my "real" name was. Oddly, though, she just came in today and acted like she'd never seen me before. I hope this lasts.

Smelly Sign Guy: A nutjob that claims he's blind and homeless, when he can obviously see, and owns a nice car that doesn't even look like it's being lived in. He begs on the street corner with a sign he carries everywhere, and comes in twice a day to buy beer, stink up the store, and hit on female employees while his wife is right there. Also tried to hang out in the breakroom once, which was interesting...

Crazy Fern Lady: Once accused my manager of slipping an extra item into her order so he could pocket the money. So called because she buys cartloads of ferns and yells at the bagger repeatedly not to smash them. Comes in solely to throw fits and abuse the employees. Lacks any semblance of fashion sense and looks hilarious.

Guitar-Playin' Hippie: Shabby looking old guy that sets up with his guitar in our parking lot and plays "free shows". Wouldn't be a problem, except...he sucks. Really, really sucks.

There are more, these are just the "favourites". We have no shortage.

[Lace Neil Singer]

At the supermarket, there's far too many customers to give out nicknames, unless people are really bad... but there were these from the garden centre and pizza place:

Garden centre

Screaming Madwoman. Came in demanding a refund she wasn't entitled to, wound up being banned cuz she tried to hit the manager.

The Cat Lady. Great customer, if a little odd. She always spent at least £50 a week on cat food and cat toys, and her clothes were always old looking and mended so she didn't have much money I don't think. It all went on her cats; she had 6. She was great, partly cuz she always was nice to staff but always barged in if a customer was being unpleasent and told them off. XD

Birdman. Obsessed with his avairy and kept on and on about his birds. Every time he put in an order would ring up every day to ask if it was in yet, despite me telling him every time that orders only came in once a week.

Pizza Place

The Fatman. Horrible, horrible customer; quite possibly the rudest man I've ever had to deal with. He sometimes swore down the phone, never said please or thankyou, and when the drivers arrived at his house just snatched the box from them and slammed the door in their faces. (he paid over the phone by credit card) Nickname partly due to him being very fat, but also cuz he reminded people of John Wayne Gacy; he had this creepy serial killer aspect to him. He was on his second warning when I left.

Bitch Face. Really horrible trashy mum who came in every Saturday to order food for her kids. She always talked to you as if you were the lowest piece of filth on her shoe, and always paid in loose change which she dug out of her purse. Often had her brood in tow, who always ran about screeching all the time we were making her order.

Honky Tonk Woman. Black lady who called a collegue of mine a honky; seeing as none of us had a clue what it meant, the insult kind of lost its fire.

[Rapscallion]

Oh, the pet ones reminded me of Wonder Dog Woman. She wasn't my customer, but the customer of a couple of ladies who ran a pet shop about two miles from our place. Lovely couple, and they and we swapped tales of morons for many happy hours.

Wonder Dog Woman was obsessed by her pet dog. She never brought it into the shop, or even had any proof that she owned an animal of any kind, but she kept going on about how her dog was a wonder dog.

Maybe it could dive into a phone box and come out with a cape attached to its collar? I don't know...

So wonderful was this dog that she had to get him the perfect bone. This meant that she had to empty the entire box of bones onto the floor and spend ages examining each one. "Would my Wonder Dog like this one? Or maybe this one is better?"

Unless they were busy, it was quite entertaining, they said.

Rapscallion

[Tria]

Death Wish: Imagine a pizza with double ham, double pepperoni, double sausage, double "smoky bacon" (regular breakfast bacon crumbled), and extra-extra cheese. Some guy ordered that multiple times from where I worked. When it came out of the oven, we literally poured grease off it before putting it into the box and cutting it. We figured he was trying to commit suicide by heart attack.

Where? How much!?

[GayleShy]

Every time she came in she would work into the conversation that she was a "good christian woman." The phrase "good christian" is forever ruined for me.

We had a woman in our store do practically the same thing. She'd return stuff that she'd had for a long time and that had been, for lack of a nicer word, abused, and when we told her policy, she'd take out her Bible and set it on the counter, then look at us as though she'd proven some huge point.

On topic

Mean Rabbit Lady She didn't have rabbits, but she did sort of look like one. She had very small features and weird, eyelashless eyes. This woman was a price Nazi, but she wasn't even a normal one. She'd scream at you for prices she made up out of her own head. For example, at the Wal-Mart I worked for, none of our items were maked xx.99. We just didn't sell things for .99, but a lot of the products she wanted ended in .99, as she told us. "Oh, NO! That blouse is on sale for $3.99." Then she wouldn't rest until we came back and proved her wrong. Sad thing was, then she'd want to talk to a manager.

Satan's Mother I addressed her in an eariler thread. She was just evil.

Bus Bitches These two women drove a school bus. Well, one was the driver and one was the attendent. They were two of the worst Price Nazis I'd ever met. They were the type who would hold up a line while someone ran and checked on a price that was .25 off. And we had to check, because if it really was the price they said it was, they wanted it for three dollars off, or free, depending on how much it cost. (Wal-Mart's "Right price or three dollars off rule was horrible. They only people who asked for it were people like them. Everyone else just wanted their stuff for the right price.) The real scary part was that they would go over prices with each other before they checked out and watch each other's orders. So either one of them could and would stop me at any given time and say "wait, didn't you say that was xx.xx? Why is it coming up as yy.yy?" And look at me like I'd done it just to tick them off.

Non-Tax Bitch She'd have about four or five separate orders and was very pushy about everything. She wanted it bagged just so, and you had to load up her cart in a certain way or she'd be pissed. One of my biggest peeves was when people told me to press the credit key while I was no where near the register and obviously couldn't. She did that to me one day while I was loading up her cart (which she never pushed around the side to make it easier for me. I tried to ask her to once, and she got snotty with me). So I was on the other side of the register when she said "credit, credit key" in a very pushy voice. I told her that as I didn't have three arms I couldn't do that right now, but I would as soon as I could. She went to the CSM over that and told her that in all her years of shopping there, no one had DARED give her lip before. But she never went through my line again.