Customer service rep, meet customer service rep

[LizaMarie]

I swear, it's like some sort of intricate dance when you get two customer service reps on the phone together. I had to (yet again) call UPS to try and track down an order. The woman on the phone was super helpful, but in that "I'm getting paid such and such an hour to be cheery and polite" way, which is oh-so recognizable to me, as I do the same thing!

You know, the "GOOOOOOD Morning, thanks for calling such and such, this is Liza speaking, how can I help you?" All said in one breath and strung together as one word so you can fit it all in before the customer starts talking. Don't forget the upward inflections, and sincere "Oh, I'm so sorry"s if their order got screwed up. Maybe get in a joke about the weather in Texas if the customer is amiable, laugh a little when they talk about running out of chocolate bars, then end with a rousing, "Thanks so much, have a good one!"

It may not be a very genuine way to speak to people, but it certainly makes your daily transactions much smoother and more pleasant. You get along with your UPS folks, your bank tellers, clerks in grocery stores, cabbies- anyone! All because you chirp.

So here's to you, chirpy UPS lady. I understand your language, and I raise you a "Wish I was down south where it's warmer! It snowed today in Massachusetts!"

[Finduilas]

Oh, I just realised that I do the exact same thing! I put on a slightly higher-than-normal voice and talk automatically in a soothing-the-hurt-child tone...
And then when we call another library to see if something's in- "Hello Bloomfield, this is Windsor calling, do you have the latest James Patterson available?" - in that tone of "I know that you also have fifty people on the hold list, and that you are not going to send it over to me, but I'm calling anyway to appease the angry elderly women who absolutely must have it first."

[JustADude]

I know exactly what you're talking about. Anyone that's good at dealing with mass numbers of people develops the same kind of scripted this-always-works-so-do-this responses based on their job. I've dubbed the situation entering Plastic Mode... as in "Plastics make it possible" .

[Sandman]

I had that one time when I called Maxtor, she told me her sister goes to a college right near me, so she knows the area.

[AnqeiicDemise]

Nothing pissese me off more than when I have to transfer an owner to a rep from sister company whos attitude reeks of 'the bog people'. Especially when I'm doing my damnest not to show my displeasure/annoyance/aggravation for the day. (I don't NEED to go into fake-happy voice, but I don't sigh at people and sound like eeyore either)

Its like I'm letting my owners down for letting them talk with Pewphead over yonder.

I know its a huge letdown whenever I have a good rep and end up stuck with Mr. Unhappy after a transfer.

[Peppergirl]

That's funny because it's a running joke in my call center that when my voice gets gradually higher-pitched and syrupy sweet, it means I've got a total asshole on the phone.

I guess my subconscience kicks in and goes into auto-pilot, as an alternative to calling the customer every cuss word known to man and, subsequently, losing my job.

[TryNotToBeThatOne]

There are more? I know it's practically endemic to the American South (more polite = more pissed). I certainly do it. I may be gritting my teeth, but all you can hear is sugar & light.