For those of you who work phones; DO NOT try to guess the customer's gender!!

[Estil]

I apologize if this is not the correct forum; this is the one I thought would best fit under. Anyway, one of my pet peeves when calling a business or when one calls us is when they call me ma'am or other female pronoun. Well that's just being polite, right? It's not when I'm a GUY!!! And there's not a damn thing I can do about it because it's always a different person who screws up my gender by trying to guess it. The worst example came around 2001ish or so when I tried to pay my "father's" DirecTV bill. The person on the phone called me "ma'am" not even 30 SECONDS after I explained that I was the account holder's son. And no one has ever told me that I have a feminine sounding voice either (and I've asked!).

So, the moral of this story to everyone here who works phones or drive thru or any other place where you can't see the person; please, in the name of all that's holy, don't try to guess the person's gender by using gender specific pronouns like "sir" or "ma'am". You are very likely to offend a male with a feminine voice (me?) or a female with a masculine voice. If only there was something else I could do about this because this absoultely drives me nuts.

[Chanlin]

I've always found it best to err on the side of caution. Saying "you" can still be considered rude. It is generally less offensive to somone to say Sir and be corrected to Ma'am than it is to say ma'am and be corrected to sir. Either way it should only take one correction IMO.

I get this quite a few times myself. I generally use this rule of thumb. I will correct the offender twice. The third time I stop the call to make them appologize to me. I mean I have a masculine name and a masculine sounding voice (or so I'm told) and I still get called ma'am quite a bit on the phone.

[angelicafire]

I hate to do this, but I've done it too. I work on the phone, and sometimes I will call someone "ma'am" even though they have a male name and they sound masculine. I talk to so many people in a given day that sometimes I'm a little brain dead and not even paying attention.

I'm sure that 99% of the time it's unintentional.

[Kiwi]

When I worked for the purple and orange delivery people, we WERE NOT allowed to use the words sir or maam, it was an offence so serious that you could be written up for it... I kid you not!

On the other hand, I sound very young on the phone and when I was booking our hotel for the festival a couple of weeks ago, the woman on the phone said "thats great honey but could you put your mommy on the phone"..... I was stunned and stuttered, why would I need my mother? its my credit card!

she backpeddled so fast when I mentioned I was 23

[technical.angel]

Wayyy back in the day (Two years ago!) We had a summer student worker that started the AAFH chain.

One day, bossman mentioned that he was getting complaints about the "girl at the Helpdesk." I flew into rant mode. I dared him to mention one name! Oh, I was angry. I was, of course, the only girl down here. But, I had to leave for a student appointment.

I get there, and the student had mentioned something the "girl at the helpdesk" told her. I thought, I scratched my head, since I didn't talk to her.

Then a whole chandelier of light bulbs flashed on.

"Oh, that wasn't a girl. It's a guy."

I didn't know eyeball could get that big.

So, when I got back, I railed on bossman for scaring me like that, and told the work study what the girl said about him.

He squealed. Like a friggin' pig. He jumped up, and did a little dance, then skipped down to the repair room to tell the other two work studys, that someone thought he sounded like a girl. Yes, he was actually pleased as punch about it.

It made sense, later on, around Halloween, when he had a picture of Dracula with a rainbow colored vest on his Facebook profile, along with stating his sexual preference.

This, of course, was the same guy that prompted the dept head to say that if anyone spoiled her on the ending of the latest Harry Potter book, that she'd fire all of us.

We had to yell quite loudly at him to shut up as he kept trying to tell her what happened.

[Sofar]

Oh, I was very androgynous* until shortly after the beard came in four years ago. (For illustration of beard see avatar picture.) The long hair I've had since I was twelve hasn't helped. Never really bothered me that much, though when the beard did come in over the course of about two months, it caused some awkwardness among people such as clerks and bus drivers who had known me as female because I'd never bothered to correct them.

*Actually, androgynous would be to say that my gender was indistinguishable, in this case I just looked and sounded like a girl.

Man, that early beard would have garnered a lot of cred in highschool had I gone. Even as patchy as it was. Is.

[Sliceanddice]

I accidently said on the head set for drive thru "welcomd to JIB how can i help you today ma'am" because i had just helped 3 women in front and was kicking myself for fergetting to be overly polite and saying ma'am instead of miss. Luckily it was a woman on the head set who laughed as hard as i did.
I can normally tell a mens voice from a girls on the phone, its a whole tone thing. I ahve to switch ears for each gender anways for a slight hearing problem. I can hear men or with both ears but with women i lean a bit towards my left for some reason.

But then When i answer the phone people ask for slice becuase they think im either my father my brother or my sister.

[auntiem]

I have one client that I still don't know what gender they are. Couldn't tell by their voice on the phone, or by their name. I thought it would all become clear when they came in, but nope. They aren't pre or post op looking either.
As a general rule I skip the "sir" or "ma'am" thing unless they are yelling at me and they are being no such thing.

[Phoenix79]

When I worked at Gateway in a call center, I would always write down the name of the person calling (asking for their name was the first question I opened the call with after my greeting).

Then, instead of Ma'am or Sir, I would just use their name. It worked great, and the quality control folks loved it because it gave the call a more personal feel.

So glad I don't work in a call center any more . . . my condolences (and much respect!) to those of you who do work in one!!

Phoenix

[SengaKitty]

There are times, I'll get a customer on the phone and they'll have kind of a uni-sex name and it's hard to guess from the voice, so I'll try to err one way or the other..... Or days I'm just totally phased out and I'll accidently say sir or ma'am to the wrong gender..... I'm always so embarrassed!

[Primer]

When I was 16, I worked at a local fried chicken place. We had a person that sold flowers on our corner. Said person wore dresses, but was obviously (at least genetically) male. (S)he came in an placed an order with me, and when I finished serving him/her, I said, "Thank you, sir...er...ma'am...er...." and blushed and apologized profusely. (S)he said, smiling, "That's ok, I've been called much worse!"

I myself was constantly mistaken for a boy until 7th grade when I refused to get my hair cut short any more. I am still occasionally called "sir" but I don't make a big deal about it. One of my (bi) friends has told me that I "just exude testosterone." I'm glad the hubby doesn't think that!

BTW, I mention that she is bi only because she keeps hitting on me even though she knows I'm not!

[Rahmota]

I get this on occasion as well. I have a masculine sounding name but a feminine sounding voice over telecomm equipment. Or so I've been told. So I get called miss and maam frequently on the phone and honey or darling on the CB. Very annoying sorta but I'm used to it by now and dont bother unless its important to the call.

[CancelMyService]

My mom gets this all the time. Her voice isn't that deep in person, but on the phone her almost 40 years of smoking (she eventually did quit) seem to be a lot more audible.

Sales people are always calling her Sir when they call, even after she corrects them. Luckily she's used to it by now and just ends up messing with their heads.

[Andara Bledin]

It took me about a month of answer phones to drop using gender-specific pronouns altogether.

I've never actually called anyone by the wrong one, myself, but I figured there was no reason to be in a habit where I could.

I know two post-op females, and neither of them look remotely female (one still dresses in traditionally male attire, the other actually wears dresses) and neither of them sound remotely female, either.

^-.-^

[DannyboyO1]

In my experience, it wasn't the gender-swappage that lead me to wrestle "sir" and "ma'am" OUT of my phone vocabulary. It was getting the gender right and people getting offended. "I am not old enough to be a 'sir/ma'am'."

Which always made me scratch my head. "It's a nonspecific honorific. I apologize. It seemed a little better than 'Hey You', but if there's a term you'd prefer I use to address you...?" Like the four-letter ones I'm currently considering...

And, of course, the people who take actual offense at being called such... have no suggestions for what else to use.