Step-By-Step Directions

[Dips]

We often get emails from customers demanding "step-by-step directions" fixing an issue.

The problem is we can't do any such thing if we don't have any information about their setup or know what they have tried. I'm not going to compose a five page email full of "if...then" statements to cover every possible variable.

We can usually solve the problem, but it's often a give-and-take process. I ask questions, they answer them. I have them try something, they give me feedback on it. It requires some effort on the customer's part, but it works.

Anyhow we got one of these yesterday...

Hi,

I'm using [your software] with [hardware made by another company] and it isn't working. I can't call you because you are closed when I'm home. So I need step-by-step directions for getting it to work. There weren't any in the Help files. I want to be able to get it working tonight.

Customer

The smartaleck in me wanted to answer thusly:

Dear Customer,

Here are the step-by-step directions you requested:

STEP 1 Please answer the following questions:

[insert about twenty questions asking about her setup and what exactly she means by "it doesn't work."]

STEP 2 Email the answers to us at [our email address]

STEP 3 Wait for us to email Step 4 back to you.

Sincerely,

Dips

Of course I didn't. It was worded a bit differently.

[Shabo]

Here's a little comic routine that you can appreciate: Internet Help Desk

My favorite line is: "Could you be more specific? You can't. Ok."

So infuriating, that question and answer.

*Edit* This video was posted already. Well, at least you know what I'm talking about already!*Edit*