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SELECT * from CUSTOMERS where CLUE>0

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  • #1

    SELECT * from CUSTOMERS where CLUE>0

    zero results returned

    Quickie about a customer. Basically a Networking issue that the fix required needed the system to reboot before the new settings take effect. so here is the tail end of the conversation:

    Me: Somedays I wonder why
    SC: More like Stupid Customer

    SC: Done
    Me: Ok, reboot you computer, and launch Internet Exploder, and tell me if you get your homepage
    SC: Ok
    {in the background I hear a lot of thumping, spashing, god only knows what}
    Me: (After 5 Mins) - Ok, can you see your Homepage?
    SC: What?!? Oh... No... It says Page cannot be displayed.
    Me: (Thinking wtf) - Ok. Just in case the settings didn't take, Reboot again, but this time, I want you to shut down. When the unit is powered off, check to make sure all cables are in properly, yadda, yadda...
    SC: Ok
    I hear the Thump / Splash again.
    Me: (After another 5 mins) - Ma'am?
    SC: ...
    Me: Ma'am!!
    SC: Yes?
    Me: It should be back up by now, can you please check Exploder to see if you have a homepage?
    SC: Page cannot be displayed.
    Me: hmmm. Ma'am, what was all that noise I heard in the background?
    SC: Oh, I'm doing my dishes.
    Me: So did you in fact restart your computer?
    SC: No. Was I supposed to?
    Me: Yes.
    Thump, Splash, etc
    Me: Ma'am!!! Do you want to have your issue resolved? or am I to supervise your dishwashing?
    SC: I don't know why you are getting so upset. I just want to get Internet.
    Me: then it would be advisable to do what I say.
    SC: FINE!!! The F**king computer is restarting.
    me: Use that language again, and your account will be pulled.
    SC: What?
    Me: If you talk to me like that again, I will pull your account, and you can go elsewhere for service
    SC: Sorry. I'm just extremely busy.
    Me: You do not have a monopoly on that Ma'am. I have other customers that require assistance too.
    SC: Oh! I see my Home page!! thank you!
    Me: Your Welcome

    People who think this is bad, remember one thing. I can be worse. These people reproduce, after all.
    Windows Operating System is an oxymoron."

    Oh, You want instant Gratification? Go f*ck yourself then!
    I found the problem. /dev/clue was linked to /dev/null
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Could've been worse.... I was once talking to a friend on the phone and I heard splashing, clanging and noises like dishes breaking.... When I asked if she was doing dishes, she said "no, I'm taking a bath, why?" Never found out what the noises were of, and was too afraid to ask.

    But yeah, your person there was a bit bad

    Comment

    • #3
      You know, I could accept someone doing the dishes while waiting for a reboot. A slower computer would probably give you enough time to do a couple. But to do *nothing* to the computer while going off for that? Ugh.
      Ba'al: I'm a god. Gods are all-knowing.

      http://unrelatedcaptions.com/45147

      Comment

      • #4
        Things could be worse. A co-worker once told me that a customer called her and tried to carry on a converstion while he was taking a really noisy dump.
        Last edited by freaktard; 04-11-2008, 03:21 PM.
        "Wouldn't that be unethical?"
        "That's only an issue for those who aren't already in Hell."
        --Dilbert

        Comment

        • #5
          Quoth freaktard View Post
          Things could be worse. A co-worker once told me that a customer called her and tried to carry on a converstion while he was taking a really noisy dump.
          THAT...oh god. Gotten that MUTLIPLE times. The queue I used to answer tended to have long hold times because we were working virus support, which was free, so everyone and their dog always calling in. MORE THAN ONCE...I pick up, "Thank you for calling <Satan's Software Company>, my name is UncleImpy, may I have your case number?" Customer, "Yeah, hold on...*LOUD GRUNT*...3566..."

          Comment

          • #6
            Quoth Qaeria View Post
            Me: Ok, reboot you computer, and launch Internet Exploder, and tell me if you get your homepage
            Ah, if only Exploder would blow up the problem PCs, we wouldn't have these issues in the first in the place.

            Comment

            • #7
              Quoth Gerrinson View Post
              Ah, if only Exploder would blow up the problem PCs, we wouldn't have these issues in the first in the place.
              ...but nobody thinks of the compuuuuuuuters!
              Aerodynamics are for people who can't build engines. --Enzo Ferrari

              Comment

              • #8
                Quoth Gerrinson View Post
                Ah, if only Exploder would blow up the problem PCs, we wouldn't have these issues in the first in the place.
                Just as long as it took the ID10T along with it. It makes me so frustrated to try and support people that are no where near their equipment. Fortunately we do not subscribe to customer ass kissing, so we can usually tell them where to take their asshattery.
                Last edited by Qaeria; 04-11-2008, 07:36 PM. Reason: smell chekker malfunkshun
                Windows Operating System is an oxymoron."

                Oh, You want instant Gratification? Go f*ck yourself then!
                I found the problem. /dev/clue was linked to /dev/null

                Comment

                • #9
                  Quoth Qaeria View Post
                  Fortunately we do not subscribe to customer ass kissing, so we can usually tell them where to take their asshattery.
                  That would be pretty awesome. I've said before, I'd die much happier if I could tell off one customer. Like, really rip into them.
                  Excuse me, good sir paladin, can you direct me to your EVIL district?

                  http://www.dywhcomic.com

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Quoth Apathy View Post
                    That would be pretty awesome. I've said before, I'd die much happier if I could tell off one customer. Like, really rip into them.
                    It has its moments. There have been a few calls where if I was working anywhere but here, I'd be looking for work. We do try to be polite, and diplomatic, but when they start playing the typical SC cards (Race, been here forever, am/will be best customer ever, etc) we are really good at deflating egos.

                    One guy that threatened legal action, had it blow up in his face, cuz I turned around and sued him. I don't think he will ever try that one again.
                    Windows Operating System is an oxymoron."

                    Oh, You want instant Gratification? Go f*ck yourself then!
                    I found the problem. /dev/clue was linked to /dev/null

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Quoth Qaeria View Post
                      One guy that threatened legal action, had it blow up in his face, cuz I turned around and sued him. I don't think he will ever try that one again.
                      Oooh... Spill! We want details!

                      ^-.-^
                      Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Quoth Andara Bledin View Post
                        Oooh... Spill! We want details!

                        ^-.-^
                        hear! hear! You can't drop a bomb like that without telling the story.
                        The Rich keep getting richer because they keep doing what it was that made them rich. Ditto the Poor.
                        "Hy kan tell dey is schmot qvestions, dey is makink my head hurt."
                        Hoc spatio locantur.

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Quoth Geek King View Post
                          hear! hear! You can't drop a bomb like that without telling the story.
                          it is a long one, and I probably should do an entire post about it. It is still before the courts, so i will for sure have to watch what I say. Stay posted to the Sucky Customers threads for a whopper entitiled: "Oh, so you are going to sue us, huh??" it is not an "Unsupportable" one. I'll have it done for this weekend, k guys?
                          Windows Operating System is an oxymoron."

                          Oh, You want instant Gratification? Go f*ck yourself then!
                          I found the problem. /dev/clue was linked to /dev/null

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            Quoth Qaeria View Post
                            it is a long one, and I probably should do an entire post about it. It is still before the courts, so i will for sure have to watch what I say. Stay posted to the Sucky Customers threads for a whopper entitiled: "Oh, so you are going to sue us, huh??" it is not an "Unsupportable" one. I'll have it done for this weekend, k guys?
                            Can't wait!

                            ^-.-^
                            Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Quoth Qaeria View Post
                              I'll have it done for this weekend, k guys?
                              I understand if you can't talk about it because of current court actions. But I expect some explaination when you can talk.
                              The Rich keep getting richer because they keep doing what it was that made them rich. Ditto the Poor.
                              "Hy kan tell dey is schmot qvestions, dey is makink my head hurt."
                              Hoc spatio locantur.

                              Comment

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