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I don't want your internet. Turn my internet back on! (long)
Long time lurker, first time poster. This is my first work related post. Hi. 
Some time ago, I was working a contract doing tech support for a major cable internet provider. I was one of the better techs on the contract, and my manager was cool, so I got assigned to a special "cleanup" project. Basically, the client had managed to design a program to detect unauthorized modems on the network (read: people who were stealing cable internet,) and lock their modems down until they called and either confirmed they were a paying customer after all, or they decided to pay for their service they had been enjoying. Along they way, we caught THOUSANDS of scammers. (Yet, we only received a few calls during the 2 months we had a special line open...I had an ENTIRE 8 hour shift go by once without taking ONE call. Guess people know when they're busted, eh?) We even found a couple of apartment owners who were running a sweet scam: They would provide a free modem for the apartments that they had dummied up to work without being detected and then advertised "free internet".
Naturally, the few customers who called were livid when they found out that their "free" internet was gone and not coming back without payment. (Seriously, though, ENTIRE apartment complexes with stolen internet. I bet some heads seriously rolled on that one.)
Anway, on to the main story. One day I got a call from someone who was seriously either playing dumb or the densest person I have ever talked to. The conversation, as I recall, went like this:
B:Thanks for calling *internet*, this is Barracuda, how can I help you?
SC:Yeah, my internet isn't working. I get this message saying I need to call this number.
B: Ok, can I get your address on your *internet* account?
SC:I don't have an *internet* account. I have free internet. Turn my internet back on!
B:Ok, only modems on *internet* network would be receiving that message. If you are receiving that message, unfortunately we are going to have to start charging you for internet. I can arrange for you to talk to our Sales department, however, and.....
SC:I don't want to buy *internet*. Turn my internet BACK ON!
B:Unfortunately, I cannot do that until you start to pay for your service. We cannot provide service for free, and...
SC:WHAT PART DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? I HAVE FREE INTERNET. I DON'T WANT YOUR SERVICE. TURN MY INTERNET BACK ON NOW!
B
getting tired of this, so playing along) Ok, who's your internet provider?
SC: I don't know! We never had one! We just hook it up to this box and we get internet!
B:Ok, and what's written on the box?
SC:It says Linksys Wireless Card.
NOW TURN MY INTERNET BACK ON, OR ELSE!
....That's right, she was stealing a wireless signal from someone ELSE who was stealing internet from us! The conversation continued in this vein until she finally got really mad and hung up. Seriously though, I explained in five different ways that she was using our internet illegally and she STILL didn't get it and demanded that we "turn her internet back on." Some people are too dense to live.....
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Some time ago, I was working a contract doing tech support for a major cable internet provider. I was one of the better techs on the contract, and my manager was cool, so I got assigned to a special "cleanup" project. Basically, the client had managed to design a program to detect unauthorized modems on the network (read: people who were stealing cable internet,) and lock their modems down until they called and either confirmed they were a paying customer after all, or they decided to pay for their service they had been enjoying. Along they way, we caught THOUSANDS of scammers. (Yet, we only received a few calls during the 2 months we had a special line open...I had an ENTIRE 8 hour shift go by once without taking ONE call. Guess people know when they're busted, eh?) We even found a couple of apartment owners who were running a sweet scam: They would provide a free modem for the apartments that they had dummied up to work without being detected and then advertised "free internet".
Naturally, the few customers who called were livid when they found out that their "free" internet was gone and not coming back without payment. (Seriously, though, ENTIRE apartment complexes with stolen internet. I bet some heads seriously rolled on that one.) Anway, on to the main story. One day I got a call from someone who was seriously either playing dumb or the densest person I have ever talked to. The conversation, as I recall, went like this:
B:Thanks for calling *internet*, this is Barracuda, how can I help you?
SC:Yeah, my internet isn't working. I get this message saying I need to call this number.
B: Ok, can I get your address on your *internet* account?
SC:I don't have an *internet* account. I have free internet. Turn my internet back on!
B:Ok, only modems on *internet* network would be receiving that message. If you are receiving that message, unfortunately we are going to have to start charging you for internet. I can arrange for you to talk to our Sales department, however, and.....
SC:I don't want to buy *internet*. Turn my internet BACK ON!
B:Unfortunately, I cannot do that until you start to pay for your service. We cannot provide service for free, and...
SC:WHAT PART DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? I HAVE FREE INTERNET. I DON'T WANT YOUR SERVICE. TURN MY INTERNET BACK ON NOW!
B
getting tired of this, so playing along) Ok, who's your internet provider?SC: I don't know! We never had one! We just hook it up to this box and we get internet!
B:Ok, and what's written on the box?
SC:It says Linksys Wireless Card.
NOW TURN MY INTERNET BACK ON, OR ELSE!....That's right, she was stealing a wireless signal from someone ELSE who was stealing internet from us! The conversation continued in this vein until she finally got really mad and hung up. Seriously though, I explained in five different ways that she was using our internet illegally and she STILL didn't get it and demanded that we "turn her internet back on." Some people are too dense to live.....
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