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> Clients.
>> If it weren't for them, our jobs would be awesome.
> Clients who are smart enough to tell you they are "computer illiterate" right off the bat, but aren't smart enough not to f*ck with their computers.
>> We're glad you came to get help. We're not glad you decided to do this after you deleted everything that "looked wrong" in C:\WINDOWS\.
> Clients who say "I could probably do this myself, but..."
>> You're not impressing anyone. We know you don't know jack about the issue, which is why you're here. Bonus points if you try and dictate to us what we should do (incorrectly, of course) while we are working on it for you.
> Clients who call in with problems, have them diagnosed over the phone as urgent fixes that must be done in-house, and then say they'll "get it in whenever [they] can".
>> If it's not an urgent fix, I'm not going to rush you bringing it in. We have enough to work on. If, however, I tell you that your identity is in danger of being stolen and to bring it in immediately, for the love of God bring it in NOW!
> Clients who call multiple times (sometimes multiple times a day) to check if their computer is "done".
>> WE WILL CALL YOU! If you'd read the service agreement you would know this by now! If you haven't got a call, IT ISN'T DONE! And your keeping us on the phone is taking one more person away from working on the queue and getting it done!
> Clients who ask "so all you guys are CompSci majors here, right?"
>> Actually, no. Three of the dozen employees here are in computer science. Being a CompSci major does not automatically make you good at fixing computers, as evidenced by...
> Clients who remind you frequently (usually just before saying something dumb) that they're Computer Science majors.
>> OK. Good for you. That's a very tough major at this university. The fact that you've come to us for help means you know f*ck all about how to fix the problem, so piss off and stop falling into Category #3 above. There are poisonous snakes. Or at least I wish there were. And fire. That'd be good too.
> Clients who complain about sensible policies, e.g. checking clients' university ID cards before helping them.
>> If you don't have an ID, you're not eligible for our support. Everyone covered by us has one, because all of the categories of people we help (students, faculty, staff - and this includes non-academic staff such as cooks and janitors, et cetera) has a university ID card. If you don't have one, you're not a member of the University, and therefore are not entitled to free support. No matter how much you whine, cry, scream, beg, curse, threaten, belittle, or demand to see a superior.
>> If it weren't for them, our jobs would be awesome.
> Clients who are smart enough to tell you they are "computer illiterate" right off the bat, but aren't smart enough not to f*ck with their computers.
>> We're glad you came to get help. We're not glad you decided to do this after you deleted everything that "looked wrong" in C:\WINDOWS\.
> Clients who say "I could probably do this myself, but..."
>> You're not impressing anyone. We know you don't know jack about the issue, which is why you're here. Bonus points if you try and dictate to us what we should do (incorrectly, of course) while we are working on it for you.
> Clients who call in with problems, have them diagnosed over the phone as urgent fixes that must be done in-house, and then say they'll "get it in whenever [they] can".
>> If it's not an urgent fix, I'm not going to rush you bringing it in. We have enough to work on. If, however, I tell you that your identity is in danger of being stolen and to bring it in immediately, for the love of God bring it in NOW!
> Clients who call multiple times (sometimes multiple times a day) to check if their computer is "done".
>> WE WILL CALL YOU! If you'd read the service agreement you would know this by now! If you haven't got a call, IT ISN'T DONE! And your keeping us on the phone is taking one more person away from working on the queue and getting it done!
> Clients who ask "so all you guys are CompSci majors here, right?"
>> Actually, no. Three of the dozen employees here are in computer science. Being a CompSci major does not automatically make you good at fixing computers, as evidenced by...
> Clients who remind you frequently (usually just before saying something dumb) that they're Computer Science majors.
>> OK. Good for you. That's a very tough major at this university. The fact that you've come to us for help means you know f*ck all about how to fix the problem, so piss off and stop falling into Category #3 above. There are poisonous snakes. Or at least I wish there were. And fire. That'd be good too.
> Clients who complain about sensible policies, e.g. checking clients' university ID cards before helping them.
>> If you don't have an ID, you're not eligible for our support. Everyone covered by us has one, because all of the categories of people we help (students, faculty, staff - and this includes non-academic staff such as cooks and janitors, et cetera) has a university ID card. If you don't have one, you're not a member of the University, and therefore are not entitled to free support. No matter how much you whine, cry, scream, beg, curse, threaten, belittle, or demand to see a superior.
Eric the Grey
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