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From Halifax with Stupidity
Me: Helpdesk, BladeRaver speaking.
SC: Uh, yeah, I can't get into Oracle or the internet.
Me: Is this affecting your computer or all computers?
SC: I rebooted my computer and it didn't fix the issue.
Oh, lovely, you're not listening to a damn thing I'm saying.
Me: Is this affecting your computer or all computers?
SC: Yeah.
Me: Which is it?
SC: Yeah.
Me: Did you comprehend the question I asked you?
SC: Yeah.
Me: So, which is it?
SC: Yeah.
Me: It's not a yes or no question. Is this affecting (emphasis) your computer (remove emphasis) or (emhphasis) all computers?
SC: I don't know.
Me: Is anyone else there?
SC: No. Just me.
Me: Okay. Log into another computer and see if you get the same result.
SC: Ok. I'll call back later.
+++ATH
NO CARRIER
10 minute delay
RING
ATA
Me: Helpdesk, BladeRaver here.
SC: I tried another computer, same result.
Me: Okay, let me get Network Operation Center involved. Hold on.
(I called up NOC tech and conferenced him into the line. He didn't see any network outages. I conferenced the tech and the SC on the line and tried to troubleshoot a bit more.)
Me: Okay, are you at the computer right now?
SC: Yeah. (Oh god, not this again.)
Me: Click Start.
SC: What?
Me: Click start button on your computer.
SC: What? There's a power button, not a start button.
Me: On your computer screen, in the lower left hand corner, do you see a start button?
SC: Yeah.
Me: Click it.
SC: Ok.
Me: Click Run.
SC: Yeah.
Me: In the run black, type C as in Charlie.
SC: Yeah.
Me: M as in Michael
SC: Yeah.
Me: d as in David.
To make the story a bit short, I end up having him ipconfig and tracert (having him type every single character one by one, using phoenetic explanation per character.. once he confused a g as in golf for a d as in dolf. How, I don't know.)
Traceroute goes one hop.. his router.
No one on site who can access their router/server much less reset them.
Me: Okay, SC, do you know who works on site with network issues?
SC: No.
Me: Okay, if a computer breaks, who do you call to come out and work on it?
SC: Yeah.
Me: (repeat)
SC: Yeah.
Me: It's not a yes or no question. (Repeats question)
SC: Yeah.
OMG! He's stuck in another "Yeah" loop.
Me: Did you comprehend my last question?
SC: No.
Me: Okay. Have you had computers break in the past and have someone come up there to fix them?
SC: Yeah.
Me: Who shows up to do that?
SC: (Name of last contracting company)
Me: Okay, they're no longer working with us, so we have no escalation path. This will have to wait until daytime to be fixed.
SC: Yeah.
Me: Okay, I've got the ticket made and the email sent to have it worked on during the day.
SC: Yeah.
Me: Anything else I can help you with?
SC: Yeah.
Me: Okay, what else?
SC: Yeah.
Me: Have a nice night.
SC: Ok. +++ATH NO CARRIER
NOC Tech: That dude wasn't all there.
Me: He had 2 brain cells left.. one in a coma.. the other playing freezetag with itself.
NOC Tech laughed. Farewells said and the call was done.
That's all for now.
Me: Helpdesk, BladeRaver speaking.
SC: Uh, yeah, I can't get into Oracle or the internet.
Me: Is this affecting your computer or all computers?
SC: I rebooted my computer and it didn't fix the issue.
Oh, lovely, you're not listening to a damn thing I'm saying.
Me: Is this affecting your computer or all computers?
SC: Yeah.
Me: Which is it?
SC: Yeah.
Me: Did you comprehend the question I asked you?
SC: Yeah.
Me: So, which is it?
SC: Yeah.
Me: It's not a yes or no question. Is this affecting (emphasis) your computer (remove emphasis) or (emhphasis) all computers?
SC: I don't know.
Me: Is anyone else there?
SC: No. Just me.
Me: Okay. Log into another computer and see if you get the same result.
SC: Ok. I'll call back later.
+++ATH
NO CARRIER
10 minute delay
RING
ATA
Me: Helpdesk, BladeRaver here.
SC: I tried another computer, same result.
Me: Okay, let me get Network Operation Center involved. Hold on.
(I called up NOC tech and conferenced him into the line. He didn't see any network outages. I conferenced the tech and the SC on the line and tried to troubleshoot a bit more.)
Me: Okay, are you at the computer right now?
SC: Yeah. (Oh god, not this again.)
Me: Click Start.
SC: What?
Me: Click start button on your computer.
SC: What? There's a power button, not a start button.
Me: On your computer screen, in the lower left hand corner, do you see a start button?
SC: Yeah.
Me: Click it.
SC: Ok.
Me: Click Run.
SC: Yeah.
Me: In the run black, type C as in Charlie.
SC: Yeah.
Me: M as in Michael
SC: Yeah.
Me: d as in David.
To make the story a bit short, I end up having him ipconfig and tracert (having him type every single character one by one, using phoenetic explanation per character.. once he confused a g as in golf for a d as in dolf. How, I don't know.)
Traceroute goes one hop.. his router.
No one on site who can access their router/server much less reset them.
Me: Okay, SC, do you know who works on site with network issues?
SC: No.
Me: Okay, if a computer breaks, who do you call to come out and work on it?
SC: Yeah.
Me: (repeat)
SC: Yeah.
Me: It's not a yes or no question. (Repeats question)
SC: Yeah.
OMG! He's stuck in another "Yeah" loop.
Me: Did you comprehend my last question?
SC: No.
Me: Okay. Have you had computers break in the past and have someone come up there to fix them?
SC: Yeah.
Me: Who shows up to do that?
SC: (Name of last contracting company)
Me: Okay, they're no longer working with us, so we have no escalation path. This will have to wait until daytime to be fixed.
SC: Yeah.
Me: Okay, I've got the ticket made and the email sent to have it worked on during the day.
SC: Yeah.
Me: Anything else I can help you with?
SC: Yeah.
Me: Okay, what else?
SC: Yeah.
Me: Have a nice night.
SC: Ok. +++ATH NO CARRIER
NOC Tech: That dude wasn't all there.
Me: He had 2 brain cells left.. one in a coma.. the other playing freezetag with itself.
NOC Tech laughed. Farewells said and the call was done.
That's all for now.
I AM the evil bastard!
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