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Did I deserve this?

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  • Did I deserve this?

    I had a very interesting weekend last weekend. The insanity, debauchery, and wildness were legendary, even for me. All that without any nudity or sex (at least on my part).

    But there was one part of the weekend that was just plain weird.

    Sunday evening I'm hanging out with Little Red, both of us nursing two day hangovers, both of us struggling through. For some reason I am scrolling through my cell's phonebook, and come across a name that is screaming at me that it should ring a bell...but I can't place it. It was a relatively common name with an uncommon spelling. For the sake of anonymity, let's say the contact read "Sarra (Maryland)." (It didn't. But you get the idea.) I was sitting there wracking my brain trying to figure out who it was and how I knew her. I was sure it was someone I had met while working at The Bar, but I couldn't place it. I should point out that I often find contacts saved into my phone that I can't place, for both guys and girls. But this one really bugged me.

    I mentioned it to Little Red, and one of us thought I should text Sarra. So after some thought, I did. I texted: "Hey, I'm sitting here looking at your number in my phone, and while I remember talking to you because of the unique spelling of your name, I am having serious trouble placing you. It's probably because I'm an idiot, but can you help jog my memory? Thanks! [Jester] from [The Bar] in Key West."

    A short time later, I received a reply: "Correct...you are an idiot! Do not text me again."

    Little Red and I were both stunned. What the hell could I have done to this woman to receive such a stinging rebuke? The worst part to me was I still had no idea who it was. Trying to be polite, I texted: "Um, ok. Sorry to bother you. Won't happen again." And went back to my utter confusion.

    And then suddenly it dawned on me. Sarra was Cute Blonde from this thread. The married one who had told me I was a "temptation" just two nights earlier. For some reason, I had thought the contact had been in my phone longer, and that it had bothered me for a while. It hadn't. Actually, the reason I even had her number was because at one point on Friday night, CB had lost her phone, and I had texted the phone pronouncing it missing and that there was a reward for its return, hoping whoever found it would return it.

    And as this all dawned on me, I got mad. Really mad. I had done nothing but be a perfect gentleman. I had entertained CB and her friends. I had not made any passes or moves on CB, though I was tempted, and she knew that. (I had told her early in the evening that had she not been married, I would have been hitting on her.) Not even when her friends did everything they could to get us to hook up. Not even when we ditched her friends for a while and just talked, alone, and she told me I was a temptation. That entire time, I was a gentleman, respecting her wishes and her marriage. And helped her look for her phone. And even walked her back to her hotel room at 2 am where I did the only physical thing of the whole night...gave her a friendly hug. And left.

    For that I was rewarded for this vicious and bitter text that I (and Little Red) viewed as an attack. I could understand if she had merely agreed with me that I was an idiot, and we had a laugh over it. Or if she had politely requested that I refrain from texting her again, due to her marriage. Or whatever. But she acted, in the words of Little Red, "like a scorned lover." Or as if I had taken advantage of her, say by sleeping with her then blowing her off. Or as if I had made a move on her and not been the gentleman I was. And the more I thought about it, the madder I got.

    So I fired off one last text: "I had a brain fart. Just realized who you are. Sorry for being a bit spacey, but ya know what? I was a perfect gentleman the other night, & did not deserve the viciousness of your text. Don't worry...you won't hear from me again."

    And that was the last I heard from her.

    So, am I nuts? Is Little Red wrong? Did this woman act like a complete bitch towards a guy (me) who absolutely didn't deserve it? Or was she warranted in her actions. I am just looking for some impartial opinions, since I am partial, being me, and Little Red is partial, being my good friend. What do you guys think?

    "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
    Still A Customer."


  • #2
    No, you're not wrong.

    That response was massively over the top.

    Hell, if she was worried about her husband she could have just reminded you that you helped her find her phone by sending a text to it and requested that you now remove her from your contact list.

    But for some reason you will likely never know, she decided to go into full she-beast mode and let you have it for no reason what-so-ever.

    Of course, it's vaguely (not likely, but still) possible that she doesn't remember that night at all and her "girlfriends" gave her some tall tale...

    Yeah, I don't think so, either.

    ^-.-^
    Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

    Comment


    • #3
      I even told her at one point that, had she not been happily married, I would have been hitting on her, as she was so completely my type.
      Quoted from the other thread.

      To her, that just put you in the Creeper category. Most women aren't used to be told that and it comes off as creepy as shit, especially since she's married and she knew you knew it.

      Comes off as pretty creepy to me.
      Now a member of that alien race called Management.

      Yeah, you see that right. Pink. Harness.

      Comment


      • #4
        Nah. When you're out bar-hopping with a guy and he lets you now that he finds you totally hot but will respect your marriage, that isn't creepy.

        Well, unless you have issues, anyway.

        ^-.-^
        Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

        Comment


        • #5
          Quoth Andara Bledin View Post
          But for some reason you will likely never know, she decided to go into full she-beast mode and let you have it for no reason what-so-ever.

          Of course, it's vaguely (not likely, but still) possible that she doesn't remember that night at all and her "girlfriends" gave her some tall tale...
          Doubtful, since she wasn't drinking that much.

          Also, Little Red was of the opinion that CB was rather into me. She bases this on having met CB and the other women that Friday night when Red was out with some of her friends at a bar we bumped into them at. At some point in that encounter, CB was talking to Red and told her that she (CB) was kind of jealous of her (Red) and couldn't understand why she (Red) and I were just keeping our relationship as friends, because she (CB) would be all over me if she (CB) were her (Red). (I missed this exchange, perhaps when I was off at the bathroom or some such),

          Quoth RetailWorkhorse View Post
          To her, that just put you in the Creeper category. Most women aren't used to be told that and it comes off as creepy as shit, especially since she's married and she knew you knew it.

          Comes off as pretty creepy to me.
          Out of context, sure. But I said it in a friendly tone, at the beginning of the night, when I had just gotten off work and was sitting with CB and her friends at the bar at my work. It was conversational....we were talking about her being married and such, and I threw that in there, saying I had noticed the ring and that if she had not been married, I would probably have been hitting on her, but since she was, I wouldn't. If she was creeped out by this, why would she hang out with me for several more hours in the evening, conversing in depth for a while as we did, and near the end of the night describing me as a "major temptation"?

          In that context, I don't see it as creepy at all. Nor did I ever get the impression that she was creeped out by me or anything I said.

          Keep in mind, you are reading what I said without hearing the inflection in my voice, without seeing my body or facial language, and without the benefit of the context of the conversation amongst myself and her group up to that point.

          I have had my moments where I have come off as creepy, I know. This, however, was not one of them.

          "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
          Still A Customer."

          Comment


          • #6
            I think the lady's husband picked up her cell phone, saw it was a guy he didn't know texting his wife, and sent that message.
            "I've never had a heart attack, but it isn't for my son's lack of trying." - Me

            Comment


            • #7
              I had thought of the possibility that she never found her cell and that that was the person who found it texting. Or that somehow she quickly got her cell back (or a new one when she got back home) and was worried about her husband or feeling guilty. I never thought that it might be her husband.

              I suppose it could have been. I dunno. Guess I never will.

              "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
              Still A Customer."

              Comment


              • #8
                My first thought was maybe she felt guilty about drinking so much, and that she got flirty with you. But then you say she didn't actually drink that much.

                Maybe her marriage isn't that great, but for whatever reason she feels she needs to stay in it, (Kids? Fear of her husband?), and maybe she was fairly strongly attracted to to you, and is pissed about her life situation, and this is her way of dealing with it.

                Mike
                Meow.........

                Comment


                • #9
                  If you were texting a married woman, it was definitely your fault.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    am I the only one who read the other post and saw the chick flirting with Jester, in fact she called him a temptation, didn't she? And he only texted the number because he didn't know who it was initially, and was asking for verification.

                    I don't know that it's a blame game, per se, and Jester was asking if he deserved to be blasted like he was by this woman. I say no. I'm thinking that maybe, in the bright light of morning and in sobriety induced hindsight she may have regretted what she did (the flirting) depending on the type of personality she has, but turned it around on Jester because his text reminded her that maybe she gets a little too loose when she drinks, and didn't want to remember it. Either that or she may have been insulted beyond belief that, in her mind, she wasn't wonderful enough to remember and thus was insulted because, even if married, some women like to be memorable to all men. (My ex-roomie was that type. Shudder shudder twitch. She'd get extremely upset if a guy she met for even 5 minutes the day before didn't remember exactly who she was and how awesomely fantastical she was.)

                    So, no, don't think you deserved it. Just my 2 cents.


                    ETA: damn, didn't read all the responses closely enough, and I realize I just basically reiterated what Mike said. Oops!
                    Last edited by lupo pazzesco; 04-12-2010, 04:10 AM.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      That's why it's preferable (and my own advice) to just leave married women alone. The only ones I even talk to I was introduced to by their husbands, and I only ever speak to them when we're at functions (ie. her husband is present). Say I have an out-dated sense of honor, but that's how it is with me.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Quoth Hobbs View Post
                        That's why it's preferable (and my own advice) to just leave married women alone. The only ones I even talk to I was introduced to by their husbands, and I only ever speak to them when we're at functions (ie. her husband is present). Say I have an out-dated sense of honor, but that's how it is with me.
                        But Jester only texted her to find out who she was. I would hardly call that flirting.
                        Take this job and shove it. I ain't workin here no more.

                        Proud Air Force Mom

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Eh, I'm rather torn myself. Personally, I do not enjoy being told that, even though you know I'm married, you would soooo hit on me. Uh, yeah, kinda creepy to me too.

                          But I don't see how she was being a bitch in the return text. She simply agreed with your own statement and requested you not text her again....

                          *shrugs*
                          Ridiculous 2009 Predictions: Evil Queen will beat Martha Stewart to death with a muffin pan. All hail Evil Queen! (Some things don't need elaboration.....) -- Jester

                          Ridiculous 2010 Predictions: Evil Queen, after escaping prison for last years prediction, goes out and waffle irons Rachel Ray to death. -- SG15Z

                          Ridiculous 2011 Prediction: Evil Queen will beat Gordon Ramsay over the head with a cast-iron skillet. -- FireHeart

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Quoth RavenStarr View Post
                            But Jester only texted her to find out who she was. I would hardly call that flirting.
                            From his previous thread, it certainly looked that way to me. And in the thread, there were other married women he was with besides her, wasn't there?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Clarifications:

                              Quoth JustaCashier View Post
                              My first thought was maybe she felt guilty about drinking so much, and that she got flirty with you. But then you say she didn't actually drink that much.
                              I don't think she drank that much, or got that drunk. But then, I had just met her, so I might not be able to gauge her level of inebriation all that well. Also, when I am drinking, as I was, I am not often able to accurately gauge the inebriation of others. So while I don't think she had that much or was that drunk, I could be very wrong on the matter.

                              As for flirty...she was vaguely flirty, but nothing major. Not in my mind.

                              Quoth JustaCashier View Post
                              Maybe her marriage isn't that great, but for whatever reason she feels she needs to stay in it, (Kids? Fear of her husband?), and maybe she was fairly strongly attracted to to you, and is pissed about her life situation, and this is her way of dealing with it.
                              All possibilities, but not the impression I got. As always, I reserve the right to be horribly wrong, but by her accounts, even though she had gotten married way too young (teenager), she was still very happy with her marriage of 20+ years.

                              I can see her feeling guilty, though.

                              Quoth Hobbs View Post
                              If you were texting a married woman, it was definitely your fault.
                              As has been said, I was texting her because I didn't know who she was. That being said, even if I did know who she was, she gave me her number. I was not texting her for a booty call or any other nefarious reason, and had I known who I was texting initially, it still would not have been for ulterior motives. I was a gentleman to her in person, so I would have continued to be via text. I do not see anything wrong with texting a married woman under those conditions, by the way. Hell, some of my best friends are married women!

                              Quoth lupo pazzesco View Post
                              Either that or she may have been insulted beyond belief that, in her mind, she wasn't wonderful enough to remember and thus was insulted because, even if married, some women like to be memorable to all men.
                              This seems very close to the impression I and Little Red got...which is when she said it seemed like CB was acting like a "scorned lover." Or like a woman who is happy to give you her number and then gets mad when you don't remember her, because she realizes you are either an idiot or a player. Either way, since she is allegedly happily married, neither should really apply.

                              Quoth Hobbs View Post
                              That's why it's preferable (and my own advice) to just leave married women alone.

                              Say I have an out-dated sense of honor, but that's how it is with me.
                              I have a bit of an old-fashioned sense of honor, but I will talk to and text anyone. If they give me their number, that means they want to talk to me. That doesn't mean they want to hop in the sack with me, or that I want to with them. I have female friends. I have almost always had female friends. I know some guys can't stand the thought of "their women" talking to other guys, but these overly-possessive guys are not my problem. If "their women" want to talk to me, I'll talk to them. *shrug* I'm friendly like that.

                              Quoth Evil Queen View Post
                              Eh, I'm rather torn myself. Personally, I do not enjoy being told that, even though you know I'm married, you would soooo hit on me. Uh, yeah, kinda creepy to me too.
                              As I said earlier, out of context that might seem creepy. Totally agree there. But it fit in the point of the conversation I said it, and if she seemed creeped out about it, she sure as hell didn't show it over the next six to seven hours that she hung out and drank with me.

                              Quoth Evil Queen View Post
                              But I don't see how she was being a bitch in the return text. She simply agreed with your own statement and requested you not text her again....
                              It was a very imperative text from a rather subdued girl. I know you can't read inflection in texts very well, but it seemed very forceful. If she had said, "Correct, you're an idiot!" and then laughed, I would not have been insulted. But the tone of the text was very clear. "You're a moron...fuck off."

                              I was not the only one that thought that. Little Red agreed with my impression, and actually thought it was more forceful and insulting than I thought, and LR and I don't always interpret things the same way or agree on everything. And Red is certainly not the type to agree with me just because we're friends. We disagree constantly.

                              Quoth Hobbs View Post
                              And in the thread, there were other married women he was with besides her, wasn't there?
                              There were two others with her, yes. Both married. Both flirting with guys. From what I gathered, both having no problem macking on other guys. From what the older one and CB told me, the third one had the night before been flashing various body parts to other guys. But yes, all three married women.

                              "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                              Still A Customer."

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