Holiday tunes for us!

[powerboy]

That is a good idea about promoting the CD and DVD of The Customers Suck Chorus. Just imaging the video's of the songs, we came up with. Now if we can get every single one of us to sing the songs, that would be awesome. On the videos we can go to every place where we work, and record the SC's in action.

[Gravekeeper]

Whenever I get stuck working graveyard on Christmas eve I....well I start writing all my reports in rhyming verse. Like the entire thing, every incident, report, tech issue, etc. So I see your christmas carol and raise you one caller incident written in verse:

(This was an actual call too, I can't make up this kind of stupidity. I wish I was. >< )

Twas the night before Christmas,
and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring,
Except that friggan mouse.

What the hell did it want?
I thought as I answered the phone,
It was two in the morning!
Of course I should have known.

LOTTERY TICKETS! He squeeled,
I guess he just couldn't wait.
Can I get in the early bird?! He asked.
But he was two hours too late.

What do you mean?!
Can't you make an exception?
No I can't. I said.
To a chilly reception.

You can say I called earlier!
Now why would I do that?
Because you're my friend!
Actually, I think you're a prate.

Oh come on! he wailed.
In his aggravating speech.
But despite his ranting,
Time travel was past my reach.

By his 100th plea,
I thought he was done.
But as I went to hang up,
He began one-hundred and one.

It's not midnight yet!
He made one last try
It's two in the morning!
I halplessly cry.

Not here it isn't!
Well where the heck are you?
Peru he informed me.
Oh this was too good to be true.

You have to live in BC,
to purchase a ticket.
You live in Peru,
So I guess you can stick it.

I missed that part, he admitted.
As I danced in my head.
Well I guess I can't buy one.
Nope, go the hell back to bed!

[Becks]

Funny songs. Too bad I'm not clever enough to think of one of my own, and I can't sing.

[friendofjimmyk]

WOW. A Customers Suck CD - to raise money to help with this site - brilliant. I can't sing, but I can throw some videos together. I have visions for such a thing!

[XCashier]

I posted these last year, before the hack.

Jingle Bell Schlock (To the tune of "Jingle Bell Rock")

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell schlock
All the day long, they're playing those songs
Over and over and over again
'Til they drill them into your brain.

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell schlock
The same twenty tunes by boring old loons
Andy Williams and his schmaltzy flair
Through the Muzak air.

Carpenters time, Kenny G time
It sucks my life away
Almost makes me miss the "smooth jazz"
That the boss-man used to play!

Quitting time, thank the Lord, it's time to haul
Racing to the time clock
Clash and Ramones and Pink Floyd's The Wall
Kill the jingle bell,
Kill the jingle bell,
Kill the jingle bell schlock!

Wal-Mart Wonderland (To the tune of "Winter Wonderland")

SCs scream, are you listenin'?
In the lane, spilled drink glistenin'.
A horrible sight, we're in Hell tonight
Working in a Wal-Mart Wonderland.

Gone away, is my reason.
Here to stay, Christmas Season.
It grates on my brain, and drives me insane
Working in a Wal-Mart Wonderland.

In the aisle, we can build an end cap
And we'll make it nice and straight and sound.
And when we have finished with the end cap
The SCs and their kiddies smash it down!

Later on, in the break room
We'll complain and plot their doom,
About the SCs, we'll gripe all we please
Working in a Wal-Mart Wonderland!

[DesignFox]

Those are hysterical Xcashier! Love it!

I think a customer's suck CD/DVD would be great-best if we could get the live footage of people being toads... and hey, maybe some of us can't sing well as individuals...but that's ok! As a chorus, we'll sound great!

[Amethyst Hunter]

OMFG YOU GUYS ARE ALL *AWESOME*. XD

[South Texan]

Silver Bells CS style

(*To the tune of Silver Bells)

SC’s shopping, Christmas shopping
Crowding aisle after aisle
In the air there’s the stench of the masses

Elbows jabbing, People crabbing
Attitudes all most vile
And on each PA speaker you hear…

Price check pleas, “Checkers please”
Its Christmas time here in retail.
Want to yell. This is hell.
Soon it will be return time

Lines of shoppers, grumpy shoppers
All think they should be first
Hear them claim that the cust’mer's always right

Fitting room mess, lots of work stress
Have to smile at each curse
Scream the words you really want to say

“Go away.” “Stay away!”
“Leave me alone you stupid cow!”
“Can’t you think?” “Ugh, you stink”
“You’ve made me hate Christmas Day!”

[XCashier]

That's really good (and it scans, too!). Sums up the Holiday Season from the retail workers' point of view.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

And now another chestunt from the I.P. Freleigh Golden Trough of Christmas Hits...my rendition of "That's what Christmas Means to Me" by Stevie Wonder and various and sundry other artists...

Oh yeah...
Tempers runnin' short
'Lifter gets his day in court
Checkout lines are slow
Everywhere we go
PA's singing carols
I've heard too many times before

All these things and more, baby
All these things and more
That's what Christmas means to me, oh noes
(Christmas means to me, oh noes)
Dear God
Help me please!

I see your frowning face
Like I never seen before
'Cuz you scream at me so madly
I wish you'd find the door
The items you throw at me
Will drop me to the floor

All these things and more, baby
All these things and more
That's what Christmas means to me, oh noes
(Christmas means to me, oh noes)
Dear God

Please stop your running wild
Screaming like a little child
Your BO smells like moldy toes
Take a bath and wash your clothes
I wish you a crappy Christmas, moron
(wish you a crappy Christmas, moron)
And stay away in the coming year!

Let's stock the shelves with chotchkies
And piss and moan all night
Just one Elmo left to buy
Kids, watch your mommies fight
Trudge through work and get home
Just before daylight


All these things and more, baby
All these things and more
That's what Christmas means to me, oh noes
(Christmas means to me, oh noes)

Oh noes!

[DarthRetard]

Hey now, I'm a trained musician/singer and i can compose/transpose sheet music and songs. I can get some friends together and we can record a cd for yall, and use the funds to support the website and make t-shirts and stuff, somebody PM me for my phone number so we can talk about it. I'm not even kidding.

[Rapscallion]

I'm working on T-shirts separately, but as you may expect the company and I are both up to our bums in work due to the season. Should ease off after this week and I can get some progress.

As to the idea of songs etc to support the site, there's no real need. I run it as a hobby, not as a business, so that reduces my stress. If someone comes up with a bucket of songs etc, I'd be more than happy to host it here Do it for fun, not for money, y'know?

Rapscallion

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

More Christmas songs for the rest of us

So work's been getting me down, people are so rude, my co-workers suck, my job sucks.

Wrote a song 'bout it. Like to hear it? Here it goes!

I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas
All my co-workers are mad
I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas
'Cuz I ain't been nuttin' but bad

I took a half an hour break
Somebody snitched on me
Came back from lunch four hours late
Somebody snitched on me
Told my sup to go suck eggs
Spilled some paint on someone's legs
Burned dog shit in our plastic bags
And somebody snitched on me

I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas
I made the customers mad
I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas
'Cuz I ain't been nuttin' but bad

I shoved some lady down the stairs
Somebody snitched on me
Made an orgy with the teddy bears
Someone's a fucking narc!
Sold single shoes instead of pairs
Cradle of Filth does the PA blare
They yell at me but I don't care
But somebody snitched on me. Ohhhhh...

I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas
I made the managers mad
I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas
'Cuz I ain't been nuttin' but bad

I point out all of corporate's flaws
Somebody snitched on me
They won't promote me just because
Somebody snitched on me
Next year I will see the light
I'll straighten up and I'll fly right
Being a wage slave really bites
But somebody snitched on me

We're getting nuttin' for Christmas
District manager is mad
We're getting nuttin' for Christmas
'Cuz we ain't been nuttin' but bad.

[Rapscallion]

Opened this for the season. If you've got goodies, get adding

Rapscallion

[XCashier]

Oh, that's what happened to the first post in this thread!

I guess I'll repost mine here, too.

(to the tune of "Hanukkah, Oh Hanukkah")

Customers oh customers
What can you do about them
We can't live with them
We can't live without them
Tearing up our displays
And trashing our store
Switching out our price tags
And always wanting more
The stinkies, the crankies
The pervs and Snobby Queens
They all come en masse
They're a pain in the ass
But for money, they are our means
SCs, hear our pleas
Mind your manners please
'Cause we're not just cogs in machines!