How Not to Snap in the Next Year

[ArcticChicken]

She stood and waited until I called her to serve coffee from that pot, what else could she do, I was offering her exactly what she asked for. If looks could kill though...

....If things don't work out with my BF, will you marry me?

[Dentarthurdent]

Thanks for all the awesome suggestions, everyone!

I have a suggestion, but it will sound strange. Try to imagine what your guests do for a living, where they have vacationed, basically what their life is like. Throw in silly things like "Had a three way with a water bottle and a vacuum." to pass the time. It is how I made it through my security stints. And security, if there is excitement, means that something has gone very wrong somewhere. Also even if it is the same person, and you know it is, doesn't matter. Come up with new things for them.

That isn't strange, it's awesome. I read this on my lunch break and spent the rest of the evening going "He likes to do her in the butt...he likes her to do him in the butt...they met at a skating rink like my parents, but it was a Satanist meeting instead of a church group..."

The fun part is, I never tell the customer a lie, I never tell them no, I try to never give them what they really want, I try to make whatever they say they want happen within policy. I mean I don't think I have had a customer ever come up to me say 'Give me free stuff, give it now', but I have had many try to get free stuff by asking for something else. It's like a logic problem, but I get to piss off annoying people while I solve it.

This idea pleases me.

I would agree with the games if you can get away with it.

Absolutely can't. Not allowed to install any software, not allowed to attach a flash drive, and our internet is as slow as dial-up. And if I'm not allowed to do crosswords because "it looks bad to the guests", I can't play games either. But I'll look into that game for home use, it sounds stress-relieving.

If you are serious about moving and its 100 miles or more, look for extended stay hotels / motels and learn to be an ingenious cook with a microwave, hot plate etc. I live in Kansas and I know florida has them as well. They average here around 170 a week and in Florida it was about 180 a week.

You can also rent a room in a house for a short lease like 3 months or so to get on your feet. Some jobs will PAY you to relocate.

We will probably end up in an extended stay or a short sublease/taking over the end of a lease situation for the first little bit. I'm going to start looking for a job in my desired city that pays people to relocate. Hadn't thought of that, thanks! Might help me feel less stuck. I'm already quite good with a rice cooker and an electric kettle after spending as much time as I have in NPS Concessions dorm situations.

Have you considered a voodoo doll?

I'm serious. I have one on my desk right now, sitting under the overhang of my counter where no one but me can see it, with a quilter's pin in one eye. Relieves a LOT of stress when you're dealing with olympic-caliber stupid.

I can make you one, if you like. Not that it actually works, or anything . . .

Didn't think of that...HMMMM. Maybe I could get a keychain size. And I'm sure it doesn't...*shifty eyes*

I just calmly and firmly repeat myself like I would if I was talking to a dog or a 5 year old having a tantrum. Either they give up and I win. Or they blow a gasket at which point it gives me justification to send them packing, and I win.

In the former I get to secretly enjoy denying them their petulant desires, in the later I get to openly enjoy denying them service. Its especially entertaining if you act like your hands are tied do to higher up powers than yourself ( Which they often are ). That way you can slowly open their eyes to the futility of the situation on top of everything else. ;p

This...this has happened to me. Eventually I end up getting bored of telling them the same thing over and over, and I go get them a manager to tell them the same things I just told them... while I smirk behind my hand.

I mean, writing lengthy and mocking posts...but your way works too.

*Shrug* I've come to accept that my posts, while lengthy and mocking, just don't have the snappiness of Gravekeeper's, because I lack the ability to condense my seething hatred into a single scalpel-like sentence.

Another suggestion would be to make up some Sucky Customer Bingo cards. This can be as simple as something hand written on a sheet of paper. Sounds like you've got enough different idiot categories to make up maybe several different cards. Bonus if you can get one or more other co workers playing as well, maybe make up a daily or weekly thing that the first one to score a bingo gets a cookie.

OMG Yes. I was talking to my boyfriend and husband about this over lunch and I go "There has to be one off in one of the corners that says 'guest called me a full-size mattress'" and my boyfriend is like "WHAT?" and I'm like "You know, Steve?" And he goes "Oh, I thought you meant someone called you that!" No, Steve, our former assistant manager, was once called a full-size mattress by an angry guest who claimed she had booked a room with a queen bed. The conversation went something like "But you booked a room with a full-size mattress." "OHHH! YOU'RE A FULL-SIZE MATTRESS!"

....If things don't work out with my BF, will you marry me?

I'm already pretty married, and my state doesn't like polyandry, or I'd echo this sentiment...

[Seshat]

In Australia, the mining towns and many of the other outback towns where there's only one or two major employers will HAPPILY pay people to relocate.

Even (in some cases) the grocery stores and hairdressers and other small businesses and support services are sufficiently desperate for staff that they'll help with moving costs.

This may also be the case in some parts of your country. The downside is that you're going from one small-town to another. The upside would be it's a different one.