SC Translation Machine

[Lace Neil Singer]

Simple; I just put basic SC phrases into the Translation Machine, to show you what they really mean! Feel free to add your own. XD

I'll only be five minutes.
I'm going to be at least an hour, maybe more, now that I've got my foot in the door.

I only want one thing.
I'm going to grab a big trolley and fill it.

I didn't know you closed at *insert closing time here*.
I know damn well you close at this time. I just don't care.

My kids were only singing quietly, I don't know what your problem is.
My kids were rampaging thru the store, screeching "Let It Go" at ear bleeding volume while I chatted to my bestie on my phone.

Kids will be kids.
As long as you don't make me be a parent, I don't care if my kids are climbing shelves, snatching merchandise and stabbing staff members.

I've been waiting for hours!
I only just got here.

The cashier was rude to me!
The cashier refused to go against store policy, therefore, to my mind, that means she was rude.

I'm never coming back here again!
See you next week!

I only spilled a little petrol by my pump.
There is the petrol equivalent of the Pacific Ocean next to my pump.

I don't like your attitude.
You've just crushed my gigantic ego by saying "no" to me.

Are you calling me a liar?
If my nose was like Pinocchio's, it would be ten feet long by now with all the porkies I've told.

I don't know why my card was declined.
I have been spending like a WAG for the past two weeks, and I reached my limit a week ago.

[Kittish]

I just have a couple of questions.
I'm going to tell you my entire life story and any questions I actually do ask you will be completely unrelated to any actual issue I might have.

It's the <insert color> one!
I expect you to magically divine what I'm looking for even though I have no idea myself what it is. But it's <insert color>! (The item, if located, will be some other color.)

[Racket_Man]

BUT I just ordered <special pizza>/<special promotion>/<certain one-time product> last week

Even though that special pizza/promotion/product was discontinued 2 or 5 or 7 YEARS ago I STILL WANT IT NOWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!

[Lace Neil Singer]

I know it's not your fault, but...
Yes, I am aware that my complaint would be better directed towards Head Office, as it's a matter of policy, but I'm far too lazy to bother contacting them. Instead, I'm going to shout at a lowly cashier who has no power as far as policy goes, cuz it'll make me feel better to upset someone who's not allowed to fight back.

[EricKei]

Why don't you go and check in the back?
Dance for me, peon! Dance!

I HAPPEN to know the owner/am the owner's sibling/cousin/lover/etc!
I'm so full of shit. Call my Mom over here to change my diaper.

I'll sue!
I don't actually know any lawyers who will work for free, but you don't know that.

You HAVE to do this for me/sell me that! It's THE LAW!
Because I know more about the law than someone whose job relies on enforcing Trading Practices...

The customer is always right!
Just to what I say without question...Wait! Why are you walking away from me?!?

You don't need to see my ID!
I'm underage/driving on a suspended license.

I'm never coming back here again!
See you next week Tuesday!

FTFY

[notalwaysright]

This is ridiculous!

I didn't get exactly what I wanted, when I wanted it, at the price I wanted. Everything should be perfect all the time no matter what!

Isn't there anyone who can help me?!

I have an ass-ton of really long questions which will take 45 minutes to answer, I refuse to take a number, you need to walk away from that huge crowd to help me right now, because I am the most important person in the universe.

[eltf177]

I only spilled a little petrol by my pump.
There is the petrol equivalent of the Pacific Ocean next to my pump.

That's not all mine, and I'm not paying for what spilled on the ground!

[Lace Neil Singer]

That's not all mine, and I'm not paying for what spilled on the ground!

... Despite the fact that I've been caught on CCTV chucking it all on the floor, I'm damned if I'll admit it, and will still keep on protesting my innocence.

Everyone else lets me!
No-one lets me, but I'm hoping that you'll be the first if I say this.

I only wore this once, and it split.
In reality, I'm a size twenty four but I attempted to squeeze myself into this size eighteen. I know why it split, but I'm in denial about my actual size.

It was like that when I got here!
It was me, but I will never admit it!

[MoonCat]

I didn't have to prepay last time!
I have a memory like a sieve and don't remember what I did last time.

I didn't pay that much last time!
I actually paid more, but if numbers are involved I can't be expected to remember that.

I'll send that to you as soon as we hang up.
Maybe tomorrow, or next week; who knows?

I've been trying to reach you for hours and couldn't get through!
I keep hanging up after waiting 10 seconds and then calling back.

My sales rep is never at her desk! Can you help me?
I hate leaving voicemails.

Everybody else uses that abbreviation/illegal text in THEIR ad!
I saw it in some neighborhood paper 18 years ago. Maybe.

I canceled that ad last week!
I forgot to call you after I sold my item.

[Racket_Man]

I didn't have to prepay last time!
I have a memory like a sieve goldfish (about 3 seconds) and don't remember what I did last time let alone 5 minutes/hours/days ago.

.

Fixed it for you.



What do you mean you are closed or two minutes from close???? I only have a few things to get.
WHO do you think you are, you little peon retail robot???? I am the ALMIGHTY customer and I am he who must be obeyed. ANYWAY how can you have any semblance of a life you sub-human minimum wage slave.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Turn my pump on! I've been waiting hours and you keep ignoring me!
I only just got here. Oh, and I keep playing demented Hokey Cokey, putting the pump in my car then whipping it out five seconds later, cuz I have the patience of a two year old.

[cindybubbles]

How DARE you touch my BABY!
How DARE you stop my child from doing something dangerous, thus, depriving me of my ability to sue your store for millions of dollars!

[Lace Neil Singer]

That's a stupid policy!
You've made me feel like a complete idiot for pointing that out, so I'm going to say it's stupid.

How dare you!
I'm going to lie on the floor and scream like a tantruming toddler until you let me have my way.

[MoonCat]

It's "racist/sexist/ageist/insert 'ist' of your choice here" to make me prepay!
I had no intention of paying for this and you have thwarted my plan, dammit!

[Josh]

I have a list of items I need for a personal/school project
I want/have to do this thing but I want you/expect you to do most/all the work for me. Start by fetching all this.

You need to have more cashiers/salespeople to help
I'm too spezul to wait.

Its too hot/cold inside/outside
control the weather to my liking peon.

What do you mean I can't have cash back ?!?
I used a credit card/no receipt on this return, but I'm broke/dishonest and already pre-spent the cash money you are supposed to give me

I want to talk to the Manager!
I've learned regular peons don't like getting in trouble for breaking company policies, and most Managers will gladly do so to make me (deservedly) happy.