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  • My Dream Job Sucks

    Admit it: You missed me.

    Or not. Perhaps you're even unaware of my trajectory across CS... disgruntled hotel worker to disgruntled factory worker to disgruntled hotel worker and provider of services to developmentally-disabled teens, and on to full-fledged social worker. This was my dream for the longest time, it took years to finally convince myself that I had the brains and the ability to do this job, and then I went back to school and got my degrees and now I. Am. Doing. It.

    I hate it.

    Imagine that. You spend all this time, all this money, go to all this trouble and effort to land your dream job, you land your dream job, and your dream job sucks. They told me that it would take a year and a half to even begin to think you know what you're doing and not to bother thinking you're competent until then. My boss even told me I'm picking things up a little faster than average. However, it's been seven months and I don't know what I'm doing and I feel like both the world's grandest asshole and the world's biggest idiot.

    I recognize the cognitive dissonance in that situation. I'm right on track, even a little ahead, but I spend my days (and my nights) absolutely loathing myself because I lack the superhuman intelligence it would take to have mastered this job after only seven months.

    Then there's the stress. So much stress. My body has four reactions to job-related stress: Losing sleep, tension headaches, chest pains, and shitting blood. I've only hit the fourth level a couple of times in my life, but I'm averaging a solid three here at Dark Corner County DSS at least once or twice a week. Upper left side, if you want to know. I can keep myself up all night if I even think of the job, the place, or any of my coworkers at an inopportune time. The thought of my job triggers a spike of dread, when I'm here or when I'm not.

    In other words, I literally have a fight-or-flight response to the mere thought of my work. It's madness, and there are many reasons for it. The paperwork, for one -- if my calculations are correct a new page of paperwork is generated every six minutes you spend in the DSS building. This is because social workers go into the field in order to change lives and heal the world. However, changing lives and world-healing are very dangerous endeavors and you could be sued for daring to even think about pulling a stunt like that. Therefore, in order to protect you from such consequences there are several thousand layers of ass-covering paperwork between you and any life you might change or any corner of the world you might heal. The goal is to make sure you're too busy filling out forms to have time to change lives or heal the world. In fact, filling out forms about people is crucial, and far more important than actually spending time with the people you're filling out forms about. Then there is the fact that no matter how many social workers you've got, the good people of Dark Corner County simply cannot be persuaded to stop fucking their children, leaving dirty needles in their cribs, or manufacturing meth in the same kitchen in which, not three feet away from the latest batch, stands the box of their children's Lucky Charms cereal. Thus, no matter what the state says is the legal number of kids you can have on your case load, if there are more kids coming into custody (and there always are) you get them. Someone has to and damn what the state says. The Dark Cornerites just keep doing what they do best.

    And I am thoroughly sick of dealing with children with personality disorders. And parents with personality disorders. And the fact that when a kid comes into custody they can end up anywhere depending on where there is an available foster home and where their extended families live. I have some kids five hours away living with their nearest un-fucked up relatives and I have some more living three hours away. I have a set of sibling split between two foster homes three hours apart and I have to make a visit happen between them and their human ruin of a mother every single goddamn week, and you can imagine what kind of special hell that is, trying to coordinate that.

    And on and on and on. My dream jobs sucks dirty ass. What can I do? I promised myself I would stay at least a year, in part because it takes a lot of money to train a social worker and in part because everyone here has done a lot to bring me into the fold. However, it's only a matter of time before I hit my fourth level of stress. Then what?
    Last edited by Antisocial_Worker; 03-28-2017, 02:19 PM.
    Drive it like it's a county car.

  • #2
    Dried Frog Pills?
    Seriously, for any aid position (medic, fire, police, legal) often the best outcome is "Not as bad as it could be."

    Because several workers took on a hopeless and worthless case nearly 27 years ago I'm still around. And my children will talk to me.

    Perhaps look more for and enjoy the "little" victories. Adjust Your Dreams?
    Last edited by dalesys; 03-28-2017, 03:14 PM.
    I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
    Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
    Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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    • #3
      Times like these make me wish I was as good with words as you are. I would say something witty, philosophical and encouraging. Something to give you hope and make you smile and laugh. Convey my profound words of wisdom.

      Nope. Not happening.

      I'm not you. I don't have what it takes to do that job. I can't hold it against you if you were to walk out. I am in awe at the fact that you lasted this long. I would have been lucky to last a week. Those that have made a career out of it are like demigods to me.

      I will wish you luck in finding a better job, but I am also going to make my own selfish wish. I wish that you can find the strength to continue. That you can find a way of reducing/dealing with the stress. There are people out there that need people like you. People who can make their world a little better.

      Thank you for doing what you can.

      ETA: Keep posting. We are here for you.
      Life is too short to not eat popcorn.
      Save the Ales!
      Toys for Tots at Rooster's Cafe

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      • #4
        First thing to remember, you are not alone.. I would wager to guess that probably most if not all of the people that you work with have felt like you do at some point in their career. Second, because of that, talk to them. Not that we aren't a great and wonderful sounding board, but they will be better. Why? Confidentiality. You can be totally honest with them about what is bugging you without having to change everything around to protect the innocent and the guilty. I'm not in your branch of social work exactly but I do work in the same building as our local CPS and occasionally work with them on cases. The job can suck... it does suck. Right now, you haven't been there long enough to see anything but the suck. I promise you, there are non sucky parts. You can and do make a difference every time you make that visit happen between those siblings that are three hours apart. You may not feel like it but you do.

        That being said, this job isn't for everyone. If you really feel like you gave it your best shot and you still don't think you can manage, leave. Not just for you, but for the people that you work with. They are already struggling, they deserve someone who wants to help them. You can't help them if your aren't 100%. I go back to my statement. Talk to your supervisor or the person training you. Talk to the person who has been there for years. Yes, they are probably jaded, but they can help you better learn how to compartmentalize what is happening at work. They have seen it, lived it and survived it. They are a great resource for what you are experiencing.

        Lastly, yes vent to us. Sometimes it is best to talk to someone who has no idea about what you are talking about. It helps you get things straight in your mind. It is very hard to leave your job at the door. I get it, trust me. Sometimes venting to people who have no idea what you are talking about is the best way de stress.

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        • #5
          I had a coworker go into DHS and quit and come back to this job in less than a year. He said the same thing you did.

          BUT, a social working degree opens a lot of doors for you if you decided you absolutely do NOT want to do this anymore

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          • #6
            After you put in a year or so could you try and get a position in a hospital doing social work? The hospital my husband was in had a social worker sit with me and make sure I was a capable care taker and I had the resources I needed.

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            • #7
              One thing I can tell you all that is helpful is to develop a sense of humor as black as midnight in a bank vault. It's only modestly helpful though, to the extent that if you don't laugh you'll start screaming, but something is better than nothing.

              For instance, I can tell you that when you're at a training and you've spent four hours looking at pictures and case files of burnt, scorched, scalded, and otherwise roasted children, with three more hours to go after lunch, the most inappropriate thing you could possibly choose for lunch is barbecue. With peanut butter pie for dessert.

              I can also tell you that every DSS social worker wonders at some point if working as a hospice social worker might not be better because at least there your clients probably won't run away. I had a runaway just the other week, in fact. It was a teenager whose main problem is that she is an incorrigible slut and tragically, we do not live in a state where prostitution is legal. If it were legal here, she'd have a long and happy career all the rest of her life, but as it is not I had to go looking for her. I told my partner to be on the lookout for a doughy girl with braces and her legs wide open. It didn't help, but it made me feel better, which is the way it usually works out, I'm noticing.
              Drive it like it's a county car.

              Comment


              • #8
                I can barely even read about these issues, they're so far removed from anything in my life. I mean, I know this stuff happens, my mind just revolts at the idea that it's so much more common that I would have imagined. I would not have the mental fortitude to last even an hour. So much hopelessness and cruelness. I'm sorry you're struggling, and I hope somehow you're able to endure.
                Replace anger management with stupidity management.

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                • #9
                  Quoth Antisocial_Worker View Post
                  One thing I can tell you all that is helpful is to develop a sense of humor as black as midnight in a bank vault. It's only modestly helpful though, to the extent that if you don't laugh you'll start screaming, but something is better than nothing.
                  For what it's worth, I can tell you that police, paramedics, firefighters, and ER nurses do the same thing. I know for sure about cops because I was police reporter on a small-town weekly, and lucky for me, the cops were willing to trust me enough to let me hear some of their seriously sick jokes. I know for sure about ER nurses because an aunt used to be one.

                  The closest I ever wanted to come to helping people was pharmacy technician (I flunked out) or ESL teacher. I cannot imagine trying to deal with what social workers deal with.

                  Whether you stay or whether you go, please know that we here respect you tremendously for even trying.
                  Customer service: More efficient than a Dementor's kiss
                  ~ Mr Hero

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                  • #10
                    A lot of people in helping professions see therapists themselves, you might consider it, it may help.
                    "I try to be curious about everything, even things that don't interest me." -Alex Trebek

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      To mangle a phrase, "with great responsibility comes no power." Part of the problem of going into an altruistic profession is that it seems like it shouldn't be that difficult to get people to accept assistance, but it really is, not just from a red-tape perspective but from their own bloody-mindedness. You're now deep into the period of adjustment where you're realising just how hard it is, without having had long enough to see the full benefits of your intercession make themselves shown.

                      Have you talked about this with any of your colleagues? If anyone can offer suggestions on how to deal with this, it should be them, and I doubt any of them will be at all surprised that you're feeling like this.
                      This was one of those times where my mouth says "have a nice day" but my brain says "go step on a Lego". - RegisterAce
                      I can't make something magically appear to fulfill all your hopes and dreams. Believe me, if I could I'd be the first person I'd help. - Trixie

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                      • #12
                        You sound like a very caring person. You might have one of the toughest jobs in the world, one that most people could never take on. I hope you can work through the suck and come out the other side stronger and better able to help the people that need you. As others have said, talking to co-workers or a therapist can really help. You might also want to talk to your doctor about ways to reduce your stress.

                        Take care of yourself!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Quoth Antisocial_Worker View Post
                          One thing I can tell you all that is helpful is to develop a sense of humor as black as midnight in a bank vault. It's only modestly helpful though, to the extent that if you don't laugh you'll start screaming, but something is better than nothing.
                          I told my partner to be on the lookout for a doughy girl with braces and her legs wide open. It didn't help, but it made me feel better, which is the way it usually works out, I'm noticing.
                          Yep, it is comments like this that your some of your co workers will absolutely get. I haven't been at my job all that long but I totally get it. Comments like that are sometimes all that gets me through my day. It is tough, no doubt about it.Just be careful if you say the comments out loud because sometimes, people think they can save the world. We have one woman who believes almost everything that the clients tell her and feels sorry for everyone she talks to. She gets really mad when the rest of us use "gallows" humor because she thinks we don't want to help people. No one can make her understand that our way of coping is that humor because as a CSR she takes the information on the call and she is done. As a caseworker, I have to follow up and deal with the same cases over and over and sometimes that can get frustrating for us when we are getting the run around or not getting the truth.

                          And also realize this, the cases that they sometimes use in training are some of the worst they have seen because they prepare you for what you might see. They also use those cases because they usually have some type of conclusion. When I started my job, I spent a short amount of time in each department learning what they did. Children Services had a PowerPoint demonstration that they showed to all the new hires from other departments. The admin had used it at a speaking engagement previously. She included photos. One still sticks in my brain because we had to play count they eyes. It was a hoarding case where they had pulled a child. You could see multiple cats in the photo... except if you looked closer, the cats you could see were out numbered by the cats that you couldn't exactly see. I don't know if the case came from our county or was from somewhere else but the number of cats was well into the double digits and that was from a very small section of the house. It was a tragic picture for everyone involved. It wasn't the worse case the trainer had ever seen but it was bad. Some of those cases, you just can't shake but you keep putting one foot in front of the other, knowing that even though you might not be making a difference for the doughy girl with braces and her legs open, you are making a difference for some body else. You just may not know it right now.

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                          • #14
                            I know a man who worked as a social worker for Philadelphia for maybe 20 years. He quit to become a prison guard because he thought it would be easier.

                            The first thing is I think you should get a therapist. You need to be able to vent and work on coping strategies. I'm sure you work long hours but this can really help. Find a psychologist who does cognitive behavioral therapy. I find therapy really helpful.

                            All of these types of jobs are difficult emotionally. We have a lot of shitty people in our world. You have to see and know shitty stuff. If you have a positive effect, you may never know it. We don't hire enough social workers or pay them enough. That being said, we need people to do the job. Maybe that's you, maybe not. I hope you'll consider giving it a little more time to see if it becomes more normal.

                            If you find you need to move on, there are other social work jobs. Dialysis centers, old people homes, hospitals. If you want to work with children, you might like Child Life programs. I hope you can find your way.

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                            • #15
                              I am the person your clients' parents lie to so they can get food stamps. We don't follow up on cases once they are complete, but we do leave notes and over time, we do see the same people over and over.

                              I totally get your outrage about the paperwork. My supervisors randomly read my cases and if I haven't used the correct template to document who/what/why, it gets kicked back. Not because there was an error in the information or anything lacking, but because I used the wrong template.

                              There is an small army of people at the state level who do nothing but randomly read our cases. Of course, they all focus on different things. If your documentation doesn't "correctly" cover their pet peeves, it gets kicked back.

                              There is another rather larger army of people at the federal level who do nothing but read our cases. I honestly spend 3 quarters of my day dealing with paperwork.

                              Not to mention that we are timed. We have to get everything perfect within a certain amount of time.

                              When I first started doing this, the stress was insane. I was seriously looking for other work by my 11th month. The only reason I stuck with it was because I honestly liked helping people. And my government retirement (in 2 years, 7 months and 2 weeks, but who's counting?). I'm only partly joking about this part, and its something that might help motivate you. Look up your projected retirement benefits if you stick it out. Government service has a lot of drawbacks, but I'm going to retire at 62 making about the same as I was while I was working for the rest of my life.)

                              At about my 1 year mark, I started thinking that I knew what I was doing. Of course, I didn't know everything, but I wasn't second guessing myself all the time.

                              Now that I'm going on 2 years at it, I still don't know everything. Its not possible. What I do know is that if I put my client on hold and raise my voice enough for my co-workers to hear and ask something off the wall like if medical marijuana is a deductible expense for food stamps, someone will raise their voice enough to tell me no and will instantly i.m. me the policy reference.

                              If I code a case and it won't authorize, then go back and re-key through it 3 times and can't find the problem, I just raise my voice and ask for another set of eyes. Someone is always there.

                              The reverse is true. If I know the answer, I give it. Another set of eyes can be helpful when it comes to coding errors, so I'm always there.

                              I guess what I'm saying here is ask for help. You are new. You are the only one who expects you to be perfect. Everyone else with you has been where you are on the learning curve.

                              Everyone you work with deals with the same sort of people and the same sort of cases. They understand what you are going through. They want you to succeed. They understand black humor, they understand the heart sinking feeling of picking up a really ugly case and thinking I don't have a clue what I'm supposed to do here. Talk to them.

                              If your agency is the run the same as mine, your sups have risen through the ranks. They have been where you are and they understand. Talk to them.

                              Or do what I do. Try to leave work at work.

                              Do a shopping chore on your way home. This will help move your mind on to the next task instead of brooding over the "mistakes" you made at work during your commute home.

                              Listen to audio books on your commute home. Again, this will distract your attention.

                              Get a cat or 5. As soon as you walk in the door, there will be living beings who are happy to see you and need your attention.

                              Get a MMJ card and vape a lot of quality weed at home.
                              Last edited by Slave to the Phone; 03-31-2017, 08:53 PM. Reason: dum coding errors

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