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  • Great Lies at Work

    As the joke (or at least one variation of it) goes, there are three great lies:
    1. The check is in the mail
    2. I promise I will not come in your mouth
    3. To be removed from our mailing list, reply and type "delete" in the subject line


    I do believe I have found a fourth one: "We know this program doesn't work and are trying to fix it."

    I ranted in this thead about the new "hot buys" program corporate is doing to try and "generate excitement" over buying the same shit we have on sale week after week. One of the big problems we have been having with the hot buys is that the signs are not included with our pre-printed ad packs; they get downloaded from corporate at the end of the week after the suits decide which items to feature as hot buys. As a result, these signs can not be prepped properly.

    On Sunday, all the hot buy items, or almost all of them, from what I heard, failed to scan at the featured prices! For example, candles that were on hot buy for 60% off scanned at 30% instead. This resulted in a lot of righteously pissed-off customers. And I guess we had the same thing going on the previous week, when we had about 3 ads running simultaneously, only not so many items were affected.

    Corporate's response to our complaints is "we're working on it, and we won't download the signs so late in the week." Of course that's what they told us last week.

    Ooh, if the state pricing auditors got wind of this, they'd take a shit right on our heads.
    Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

    "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

  • #2
    The main lie at my store, is that I am getting a bonus. I was told, that this last Friday, I would be getting a bonus along with my regular check. So I started looking around for the things that I would get with that bonus. Haven't got it, and plus on top of it, I lied to a couple of family members, that I would pay them back for what I owe them. Ever since, I started working for this company, I have been lying to people.
    Under The Moon Paranormal Research
    San Joaquin Valley Paranormal Research

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    • #3
      We'll be right up with the new soda pib.
      We'll fix your CO2 canister in just a second.
      We'll bring your supplies up in just a minute.
      We'll fix your leak/broken fridge doors.

      Lazy ass stock guys.
      "I've found that when you want to know the truth about someone, that someone is probably the last person you should ask." - House

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      • #4
        "We offer competitive wages!"

        "Hours won't be cut this week."
        Unseen but seeing
        oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
        There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
        3rd shift needs love, too
        RIP, mo bhrionglóid

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        • #5
          "We put our customers 1st!" Yeah right.

          Comment


          • #6
            From my last job, about the many broken/not working/missing/etc things around the store:
            "Oh, yeah, I know about that already; I'm going to tell 'Bob' <the regional manager> about it next time I see him and he'll get it fixed up."
            Re: Quiche.
            Pie is manly.
            Eggs, meat, and cheese are manly.
            Therefore, making an egg, meat, and cheese pie must be very manly.
            So sayeth Spiffy McMoron!

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            • #7
              Every thing my bosses says is a huge ass lie.
              Under The Moon Paranormal Research
              San Joaquin Valley Paranormal Research

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              • #8
                "we're going to be getting a new updated system this year."

                That lie has been running for almost eight years now. Longer than I've been employed there.
                I AM the evil bastard!
                A+ Certified IT Technician

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                • #9
                  "The new phones are coming this week!" --I've heard that one since I started there a year ago. We actually HAD new phones...until the company that we bought the phones from went bankrupt. >.<

                  "I'll get it right away!" --Then why is it here, an hour later?

                  "Hurry up, I need those parts!" --See above
                  I pray for the strength to change what I can, the inability to change what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference -Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes

                  Being a pessimist and cynical wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't right so often!

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                  • #10
                    Don't worry Aldous, you won't have to open in the morning!
                    We're getting ready to promote you Aldous.
                    I'm gonna start doing the count, you handle the front (Lazy manager always fell asleep in the office, count didn't get done. She yelled at me for not doing her job.)
                    It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.
                    ~~~H.L. Mencken

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                    • #11
                      "We're considering you for employee of the month." It sounded great, especially at a hotel that employed many people in many departments....but of course, it came out of the mouth of Shit Weasel, so I think we all know what it was worth.

                      "We value our employees." Said by every company I ever worked for. Usually a complete lie.

                      "You shouldn't work if you are sick." Said at every safe food service seminar I ever attended. Parroted by management at said seminars. Ignored by management when you actually were sick and they needed the shift covered.

                      "This restaurant is not closing for at least six months to a year, no matter what rumors you hear around town." Said by the owner of one restaurant I worked at to the entire staff with a straight face....about three weeks before he closed the restaurant.

                      Probably the biggest lie I was ever told was the entire introductory video to the first hotel I worked for about ten years ago in Phoenix. The video got me all excited about working for such a great company. In the year I worked there, I found out every single thing they said in the video, without exception, was a complete lie. Amusingly, the hotel in question was part of the chain whose heiress recently spent time in the clink. What a shock for THOSE people to be lying, huh?

                      "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                      Still A Customer."

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                      • #12
                        "Everyone starts out exactly the same here." -Trainer at previous job, any time I'd pass along a question to him that I didn't know the answer to, that my relatives in the company asked me.

                        "You won't be taking calls from customers."
                        Almost always superceded by, "You have to treat the callers as if they're customers."
                        "I call murder on that!"

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                        • #13
                          Oh! I just remember a giant lie!

                          At the dealership I work at, we have a bunch of mechanics who's sole job is to repair used cars that come in on a trade. One of these mechanics is L. If a car is sold before it can be fixed, it becomes more important--our "Sold unit" is the same as somebody else's "rush order"

                          So it's a Saturday, and we're busier than usual (new guy was helping me out.) L comes to the counter an gives us a giant list of parts that need to be brought in for "a sold unit". We asked if he needs prices first, and he said nope, just get in the parts. Naturally, it's a Ford. (We're not a Ford dealer, and therefore would have to phone around to get these parts that he needed.)

                          Me and the new guy are running around trying to get things straightened out with this sold unit, while helping out all of the other mechanics on staff that day. We're rushing, we're rushing, we get in the parts, and all is right with the world.

                          The story would end there, if we didn't find out something out after the weekend. We'd ordered these parts in, and L didn't touch them all weekend. Monday morning (or Sunday afternoon; I can't remember) I ask the boss of L when this Ford is going to be repaired.

                          "Repaired? What the fuck?" came the reply.

                          Turns out that the vehicle was not sold. L was only supposed to inspect the vehicle to see what needed to be done to it--no repairs where supposed to be done to it, no prices were even needed yet. L just went ahead and ordered $2000 worth of parts just to keep himself busy!

                          Let's just say that there was a lot of explaining to do...
                          I pray for the strength to change what I can, the inability to change what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference -Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes

                          Being a pessimist and cynical wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't right so often!

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                          • #14
                            "We'll be beginning the remodeling of your theater in October."

                            Silly me, I should have realized they never said what YEAR!

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                            • #15
                              "I'll do it." from my boss this is a LIE. He never gets any thing done.
                              I have PMS and a black belt. Any questions?

                              This random moment is brought to you by the letters A D and D.

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