Tweet
Ok, I'll post a new thread finally. Good news, no sucky customers in my life for the most part, bad news is that as a driver I attract weirdness, so pull up a chair and some 
while I tell a few.
That's a road?
This one seemed simple enough, I'm delivering a suitcase and I'm following the printed direction from the computer (Trips and Streets, Google, etc, whichever could find this address or an approximation thereof), take 303L south, turn right on Peoria. So I turn, go to the next intersection, coast through the four way (I'm in the middle of farm land at 9PM, what am I going to hit, a cow?), and... The pavement peters out. Doesn't stop, but rather ends somewhat unevenly, there's even a patch sticking up from the dirt a few feet away. Check the directions, use the high beams to look down the road, scratch my head and start driving. Let me tell you, a Chevy Venture handles interestingly at 10MPH on a washboard dirt road that has a construction speed limit sign of 25 (
). Yes, the road went through, the dirt part was only a one mile stretch, and it wasn't a construction zone (despite the sign).
Now while this one is strange, its not my strangest, though it is the newest, here's some more fun...
Watch out for that tree!
Ok, for whatever reason, late fall/early winter where I was in NJ would bring with it an absolutely kick ass rainstorm, the type where the roads flood, and not only was I always on, I didn't shy away from driving in this. Working for a small local place, I had a four wheel drive four door Sidekick, so a couple feet of flooding, no sweat (seriously, we're talking up to and in some cases over the bumper). Come to a small but important road in town on a delivery, make the left, swerve to avoid a garbage can floating through the water and hear a god awful clunking and crashing from beneath the truck. Look in my mirror, and there goes a piece of firewood bobbing down the road. Well, truck runs so I keep going, finish the delivery and continue on with the night. Next morning, truck won't start, so I have it towed to a garage. Bent the bracket on the neutral safety switch, truck won't start as it thinks I don't have the clutch pushed in.
The Papa John's submarine
Ok, couple years later, working for PJ's, same situation, this time in a 99 Grand Marquis, water up to the headlights and I'm still moving. One of the kids can't even find his delivery because of road closures and can't see where he's going (wasn't real good at finding his way in daylight), so I offer to drive him since I'm a nice guy. Getting down there goes fine, but I decide to go around the back way. Road's flooded, but no problem, I know how to drive in that... Obviously the two cars side by side blocking the road pointed in the same direction were driven by people that didn't know how. So now I'm having to drive backwards on a flooded road, hear the clunk as I run over a garbage can that was floating by, and better still, the right front door doesn't seal well, which isn't going over well with my passenger. Back up the tenth of a mile or so to the first cross street that goes anywhere, turn down it, make another left... after waiting for a bicyclist to go by (in water up to the top frame member), and then circle around and lunge out of the water behind a cop blocking the road. Picture this, a big black sedan with a lit up Papa John's sign on the roof suddenly coming up the hill from the flood, now that had to be a sight.
Think I can't top this? Here's an only in Phoenix (or at least the valley)
The ivory tower
Ok, this one stands as tops for weirdness so far. I get a delivery, Central Ave, up near Happy Valley Rd based on the number. Ok, if you know Phoenix, you've got to be scratching your head for a reason that'll become clear very soon. So I go riding up 7th St, hoping there's a cross street above the airport that'll bring me over there, after all, the map doesn't show a road there. Nope, no dice, but 7th Ave runs off of HV south, so that's good. I go down, road all but ends, to the right, a dirt ostensibly road, Misty Willow Ln, in front, same thing, technically 7th Ave, but effectively a driveway to a junkyard. Left though is paved, and we go that way... for a tenth of a mile and it becomes dirt, with nothing to distinguish the road from the desert. I'm in an all wheel driver Legacy wagon, so this is no problem, I keep going until I reach Central Ave. How do I know I'm at Central Ave? Because there's a street sign there at the intersection of two dirt roads, and the only direction I can go at that point is south on Central. To add to the weirdness, north bound Central Ave has a stop sign.
So I turn right, keep going and find... an office building? It looks like I'm driving through the desert, two dirt roads running off to the right, but other than that, a poorly defined dirt road until I come upon one of these little single office office buildings with a nice fancy sign and a clearly posted address. Missed my delivery by a few doors... 
Turn around, and there at the end of one of the dirt roads is a construction water truck filling up at a fire hydrant (yes, a hydrant just sticking up in the middle of the desert). Get directions from him, which are 'Go down here 'til you see the office trailer (nope, not my destination, I'm not that lucky), then go 'bout six piles of dirt or so, and keep your eyes on the right for a white tower.' Mkay, so I start driving, and yes I find my destination, a processing tower in the middle of a gravel pit. Oy vey, only in Phoenix.
while I tell a few.That's a road?
This one seemed simple enough, I'm delivering a suitcase and I'm following the printed direction from the computer (Trips and Streets, Google, etc, whichever could find this address or an approximation thereof), take 303L south, turn right on Peoria. So I turn, go to the next intersection, coast through the four way (I'm in the middle of farm land at 9PM, what am I going to hit, a cow?), and... The pavement peters out. Doesn't stop, but rather ends somewhat unevenly, there's even a patch sticking up from the dirt a few feet away. Check the directions, use the high beams to look down the road, scratch my head and start driving. Let me tell you, a Chevy Venture handles interestingly at 10MPH on a washboard dirt road that has a construction speed limit sign of 25 (
). Yes, the road went through, the dirt part was only a one mile stretch, and it wasn't a construction zone (despite the sign).Now while this one is strange, its not my strangest, though it is the newest, here's some more fun...
Watch out for that tree!
Ok, for whatever reason, late fall/early winter where I was in NJ would bring with it an absolutely kick ass rainstorm, the type where the roads flood, and not only was I always on, I didn't shy away from driving in this. Working for a small local place, I had a four wheel drive four door Sidekick, so a couple feet of flooding, no sweat (seriously, we're talking up to and in some cases over the bumper). Come to a small but important road in town on a delivery, make the left, swerve to avoid a garbage can floating through the water and hear a god awful clunking and crashing from beneath the truck. Look in my mirror, and there goes a piece of firewood bobbing down the road. Well, truck runs so I keep going, finish the delivery and continue on with the night. Next morning, truck won't start, so I have it towed to a garage. Bent the bracket on the neutral safety switch, truck won't start as it thinks I don't have the clutch pushed in.
The Papa John's submarine
Ok, couple years later, working for PJ's, same situation, this time in a 99 Grand Marquis, water up to the headlights and I'm still moving. One of the kids can't even find his delivery because of road closures and can't see where he's going (wasn't real good at finding his way in daylight), so I offer to drive him since I'm a nice guy. Getting down there goes fine, but I decide to go around the back way. Road's flooded, but no problem, I know how to drive in that... Obviously the two cars side by side blocking the road pointed in the same direction were driven by people that didn't know how. So now I'm having to drive backwards on a flooded road, hear the clunk as I run over a garbage can that was floating by, and better still, the right front door doesn't seal well, which isn't going over well with my passenger. Back up the tenth of a mile or so to the first cross street that goes anywhere, turn down it, make another left... after waiting for a bicyclist to go by (in water up to the top frame member), and then circle around and lunge out of the water behind a cop blocking the road. Picture this, a big black sedan with a lit up Papa John's sign on the roof suddenly coming up the hill from the flood, now that had to be a sight.
Think I can't top this? Here's an only in Phoenix (or at least the valley)
The ivory tower
Ok, this one stands as tops for weirdness so far. I get a delivery, Central Ave, up near Happy Valley Rd based on the number. Ok, if you know Phoenix, you've got to be scratching your head for a reason that'll become clear very soon. So I go riding up 7th St, hoping there's a cross street above the airport that'll bring me over there, after all, the map doesn't show a road there. Nope, no dice, but 7th Ave runs off of HV south, so that's good. I go down, road all but ends, to the right, a dirt ostensibly road, Misty Willow Ln, in front, same thing, technically 7th Ave, but effectively a driveway to a junkyard. Left though is paved, and we go that way... for a tenth of a mile and it becomes dirt, with nothing to distinguish the road from the desert. I'm in an all wheel driver Legacy wagon, so this is no problem, I keep going until I reach Central Ave. How do I know I'm at Central Ave? Because there's a street sign there at the intersection of two dirt roads, and the only direction I can go at that point is south on Central. To add to the weirdness, north bound Central Ave has a stop sign.
So I turn right, keep going and find... an office building? It looks like I'm driving through the desert, two dirt roads running off to the right, but other than that, a poorly defined dirt road until I come upon one of these little single office office buildings with a nice fancy sign and a clearly posted address. Missed my delivery by a few doors... Turn around, and there at the end of one of the dirt roads is a construction water truck filling up at a fire hydrant (yes, a hydrant just sticking up in the middle of the desert). Get directions from him, which are 'Go down here 'til you see the office trailer (nope, not my destination, I'm not that lucky), then go 'bout six piles of dirt or so, and keep your eyes on the right for a white tower.' Mkay, so I start driving, and yes I find my destination, a processing tower in the middle of a gravel pit. Oy vey, only in Phoenix.
Comment