Funny tech centre rant

[AdvancedFlea]

So I was tidying up the tech centre last night, and there was a silver PC sitting on one of our desks, which was in my way. I look around and say “who’s pc is this?” I get told that it’s something to do with Ade, our senior tech who has already gone home. So I pick the PC up, put it under the white board and write on the board above it “F.A.O Ade” with a big arrow pointing towards it. Thought nothing more until today (I’m at work as I type this on my laptop)

I should mention at this point, when Ade goes onto a rant, it’s usually quite funny to watch. He has a good sense of humor

This is how the conversation went. IN the tech centre was Ade, Matt, Stu, Chris, Gregg and me.

Me: Ade? What’s the crack with this PC?
Ade: What pc?
Me: this silver one down here *points at it*
Ade: *walks around the desk* what the fuck is this? *Grabs the service docket and rips it off the top* OH! This is some hard drive recovery which ain’t got no fucking chance of ever working and It’s down to Steeve nobby no mates and his bum-chums!
Me: *stuggleing to hold back the laughter*
Ade: It’s down to tweedle-dee *points at matt* tweedle-very-fucking-dumb, Rich and tweedle-fuck-up *points at stu*
Stu: Wha—ME?!
Matt: whats he on about?
Ade: (To me) fuckin, customer comes in and has a hard drive recovery and a system restore. Then comes back in complaining that not all the data has been recovered but fuckup had already done the system recovery. So dickhead steeve books the machine back in for another hard drive recovery, which we can’t bastard well do because that dozey bitch at [data recovery centre] is gonna call ME up saying “where’s the charge for this job?” (ade does not like that person very much) *Turns to stu* is there any chance of getting this data back?
Stu: Not a chance
Ade: Right. Put it on the jobs complete shelf and fuck it off then. I’ve got fucking Bitch and botch (gregg and me, in order) here asking me shit about jobs I don’t know bollocks about
Me: Botch?! Fuck you ade,
Ade: Nah, Mate. You ain’t my type. Who told you it was my job anyway?
Me: Rich did
Ade: (Yelling into the cupboard) MATT!!
Matt: What?
Ade: Put it on Rich’s shelf! *lets the door swing closed* putting the fucking blame on me…bastard.

…so yeah, my co-workers obviously love one-another.

[RetailWorkhorse]

Yup, definitely gonna hafta get your to video tape some of your shifts for my amusement, Flea-bit.

[AdvancedFlea]

Yup, definitely gonna hafta get your to video tape some of your shifts for my amusement, Flea-bit.

I really do wish I'd recorded that one.

[crazylegs]

I'm assuming there's no swear box else you'd all be up to your necks in debt by the end of the month!

[AdvancedFlea]

I'm assuming there's no swear box else you'd all be up to your necks in debt by the end of the month!

there used to be one...it wasn't big enough. 10p every time you swore. took us a day to fill the bloody thing.

[gaspode]

Mr flea please remind me not to bring my PC to you because your all mad (mind you I'm not classed as sane being a wolves fan)

[AdvancedFlea]

Mr flea please remind me not to bring my PC to you because your all mad (mind you I'm not classed as sane being a wolves fan)

lol. It allways atsounds customers who come into the tech centre just how laid back and genuinly bonkers we are. Including having in big letters on the white board "Hottie Slogger"...which actually offended someone.

[olstar18]

Could someone translate that mess. I'm from america and at least half of those terms aren't used here and the other half we dont use in that context.

[AdvancedFlea]

Could someone translate that mess. I'm from america and at least half of those terms aren't used here and the other half we dont use in that context.

I'm from England, so is Ade and everyone else I work with. the "Mess" would be closer to the correct use of the english language than you are probibly used to

to be honest, most of them aren't normally used in that context over here either unless you have a rather creative grip on the english language

[RetailWorkhorse]

to be honest, most of them aren't normally used in that context over here either unless you have a rather creative grip on the english language

Or watch BBC. CONSTANTLY. I loves me some MI5, yes I do.

[AdvancedFlea]

Or watch BBC. CONSTANTLY. I loves me some MI5, yes I do.

yes, but you're messed up in the head

[cinema guy]

Allow me to attempt a translation into the Queen's English.


Me: Ade? What’s the crack with this PC?
Adrian, my good fellow, what is the problem with this computing device?
Ade: What pc?
Which computing device do you refer to?
Me: this silver one down here *points at it*
This rather splendid silver one.
Ade: *walks around the desk* what the fuck is this?
I wonder why it is here.
*Grabs the service docket and rips it off the top* OH! This is some hard drive recovery which ain’t got no fucking chance of ever working and It’s down to Steeve nobby no mates and his bum-chums!
Oh! This requires a recovery of the hard drive, which unfortunately is rather unlikely. It is the responsibility of Steven, the chap who has no friends, as well as his homosexual friends.
Me: *stuggleing to hold back the laughter*
Ade: It’s down to tweedle-dee *points at matt* tweedle-very-fucking-dumb, Rich and tweedle-fuck-up *points at stu*
It is all because of Matthew, who I liken to a character from Alice in Wonderland, Richard, who I consider to be more stupid than another character from that same book, and Stuart, who I liken to a charcter from Alice in Wonderland yet change the name be indicative of many mistakes.
Stu: Wha—ME?!
Matt: whats he on about?
To what does he refer?
Ade: (To me) fuckin, customer comes in and has a hard drive recovery and a system restore.
Sexual Intercourse. A customer enters the establishment requiring a hard drive recovery and a system restore.
Then comes back in complaining that not all the data has been recovered but fuckup had already done the system recovery.
Then returns and complains that all his precious pornography has not been recovered, but one of my less-than-competent colleagues has already done the recovery.
So dickhead steeve books the machine back in for another hard drive recovery, which we can’t bastard well do because that dozey bitch at [data recovery centre] is gonna call ME up saying “where’s the charge for this job?”
So Steven, whose head I liken to a penis, books the machine in for another attempt to recover the pornography, which we cannot illigitimate child do because the less-than-intellegent lady from the data recovery centre is going to telephone me and ask, "How much is the gentlemen customer paying for this service?"
(ade does not like that person very much) *Turns to stu* is there any chance of getting this data back?
Stu: Not a chance
Ade: Right. Put it on the jobs complete shelf and fuck it off then.
Put it on the shelf where we store items that we have completed work on and get rid of it.
I’ve got fucking Bitch and botch (gregg and me, in order) here asking me shit about jobs I don’t know bollocks about
My two colleages who I liken to a female hound and bungled work are asking me to give information about jobs that I know nothing about.
Me: Botch?! Fuck you ade,
How dare you liken me to bungled work! Why don't you engage in sexual intercourse, Adrian.
Ade: Nah, Mate. You ain’t my type.
No. I have a preference for sexual partners of a different sort.
Who told you it was my job anyway?
Me: Rich did
Ade: (Yelling into the cupboard) MATT!!
Matt: What?
Ade: Put it on Rich’s shelf! *lets the door swing closed* putting the fucking blame on me…bastard.
Put it on Richard's shelf. How dare he blame me! He is an illigitimate child!

[gaspode]

good job you didn't write it in blackcountry, we would still be explaining it next year,owwa kid

[Darkwish]

Sounds like a great place to work! Doing any hiring?

[AdvancedFlea]

Allow me to attempt a translation into the Queen's English.

...

That is seriously, the funnyest thing I have ever read XD

good job you didn't write it in blackcountry, we would still be explaining it next year,owwa kid

it's "eer kid" but oh well yeah, I should have written it like that XD

Sounds like a great place to work! Doing any hiring?

with our staff turn over? probibly